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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 16, 1989's comic on:


Tags #Dilbert, #bank, #business, #deposit, #money, #debt, #ethel

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Dilbert stands at a teller window at the Bank of Ethel. The teller says, "I spent all of your money. Terribly sorry." Dilbert says, "You what?!" Dilbert says angrily, "This is outrageous! How can you spend all of MY money?!!" The woman responds, "Oh, Mr. Moneybags, like it was SO MUCH." Dilbert puts his hands on his hips and says, "Oooh! I am ACTIVELY considering taking my business elsewhere!" The teller asks, "Are you making a deposit or just wasting my time?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 13, 1991's comic on:


Tags #Dilbert, #Dogbert, #learn, #primitive, #magazine, #cultures, #new yorker, #reading

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Dilbert and Dogbert sit at the table looking through a National Geographic magazine. Dilbert says, "This magazine is the only way we can learn about primitive cultures." Dogbert asks, "How do they learn about us?" Dilbert points to a photograph and says, "Here's a Pygmy reading 'The New Yorker.'"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 28, 1992's comic on:


Tags #garbage man, #election, #campaign, #strategist, #Win, #promise, #sell, #foreigners, #profits, #parks

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The garbage man says to Dogbert, "Sure, Dogbert, I'll be your election campaign strategist." The garbage man sits at a table with Dogbert and Ratbert. The garbage man says, "You can win if you promise to sell our national parks to foreigners and share the profits." Dogbert replies, "I couldn't do that." The garbage man asks, "You couldn't sell the parks?" Dogbert replies, "I couldn't share the profits."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 22, 1994's comic on:


Tags #quality contest, #everything is a lie

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Dilbert hands the Boss a report and says, "I finished our write-up for the national Millard Bullrush 'Quality' Contest." Dilbert says, "It took two weeks of otherwise productive time, and everything but our address is a lie." Dilbert asks, "Do you know what irony is?" The Boss replies, "I send my shirts to a service."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 16, 1999's comic on:


Tags #shot scapegoat, #nra cook off, #accusations started

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Dilbert walks with the scapegoat whose arm is in a sling. Dilbert says, "I'm sorry you got shot, scapegoat." The scapegoat says, "I'm used to it." The scapegoat says, "The worst was the day I blundered across the National Rifle Association's chili cook-off" The scapegoat says, "At first, verybody wanted to stand near me. Then the accusations started...."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 01, 2012's comic on:


Tags #computers & peripherals, #intelligence agencies, #national security, #unnamed government agency, #shadowy guy, #create computer virus, #elbonian missile factories

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Loud Howard: This shadowy guy is from an unnamed government agency!!! He wants us to create a computer virus to attach Elbonian missile factories!!! Dilbert: Is he from our government, Loud Howard? Loud Howard: Is that important?

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 30, 2005's comic on:


Tags #company policy, #least expensive flight, #17 connecting flights, #elbonain prison, #dressed as a ballerina, #desecrate monument

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"Per company policy, I got you the least expensive flight available." "Your trip will have 17 connecting flights and you're required to spend at least one night 'in an Elbonian prison, dressed as a ballerina.'" "How much would I have to desecrate a national monument to get one night in jail?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 26, 2005's comic on:


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Here's a list of gifts I received on National Boss Day. "Sort them by dollar value and assign annual raises based on who gave the most." "Now I regret the Sculpture-o-Gum."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 30, 2006's comic on:


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"Women know all about diets. Which one should I use?" "Should I go with the one that makes me miserable and doesn't work, or the one that might kill me?" "If you do both, I won't ask for anything on National Secretary's Day."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 24, 2009's comic on:


Tags #complaining, #yelling, #angry, #future

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Asok the intern says, "Your generation is leaving my generation a dying planet and a crippling debt." Wally says, "Hee Hee!" Asok the intern says, "But we shall invent life-extending drugs so you will suffer along with us! Ha!" News Wally says, "Uh-oh." Asok the intern says, "We will connect you to machines and keep you alive until the poor demand to eat you." Wally says, "Well played."