Needed Cooperation Comic Strips - Page 3
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The Boss says to Dilbert, "I needed to make an engineering decision about your project this morning." The Boss continues, "You'll need to act like you agree with it so I don't look stupid." Dilbert is at a meeting. A coworker turns to Dilbert and says, "Explain to us how fiber capacity can be increased by serial input at breakfast."
Carol brings a man into Dilbert's cubicle and says, "Here's the temp you requested." Dilbert extends his hand. The temp backs up and exclaims, "Gaaa!! No handshake! I'm afraid of commitment!!" The temp motions as if he is running and says, "I won't need a chair. I like to stand in this position."
The boss: "The management retreat in Hawaii was productive." "We calculated how many employees we needed to downsize to pay for the trip." Ted: "Don't blame me, Ted. I voted against the third helicopter ride."
Dilbert is sitting on the couch, eating, watching TV. Dogbert says to him, "I'm trying a little experiment tonight." Dobert continues, "I'll attribute a stupid opinion to you..." "Then I"ll aggressively mock you while you sit there saying nothing." Dogbert says, "So, according to you, the internet is a passing fad." Dogbert screams, "You moron! Look around you! The internet is everywhere!" Then, "And there's nothing you can do about it! Nothing!" Dilbert, who has turned back to the TV, asks, "How did that feel?" Dogbert replies, "Quite satisfying." Dilbert offers Dogbert some of what he's eating. Dogbert then adds, "I needed a backup plan in case you every get laryngitis."
Unemployed "No problem. I'll just go online and find a great job." "Let's see...This one looks good. 'No experience needed..." "...Must be willing to relocate, then be put into a huge blender and packed as a condiment.'"
Ted approaches Dilbert, "Can you sing or dance?" Dilbert turns to face Ted, "Ted? I thought you resigned in disgust two weeks ago." Ted replies, "Well...I wrote a huge resignation manifesto that I planned to e-mail to the entire company." With hands raised Ted says, "But I thought it needed pictures." With arms now raised to the side Ted says, "Before long I was adding video clips and humorous sound files." Exasperated Ted states, "Then I thought, hey, why not put it all on a website?" More calmed and reserved, Ted says "Now I'm turning the whole thing into an off Broadway theatre production." Arriving home after work, Dilbert says to Dogbert, "I saw my first motivated employee today."
Dilbert: My project is on hold. Do you need any help on yours? Alice: Sure. Call these customers and tell them we can't deliver on time or with the features they need. Dilbert: Do you have any tasks that don't feel like getting waterboarded on your birthday? Alice: And tell them the price went up."
man says, "Thanks to a new law, every customer In my sales territory needed to upgrade." man says, "Now I wear a hat made of money. The funny thing is that I'm not even a good salesman." man says, "Next week, the donuts are on me." Alice says, "Die! Die! Die!"
Dilbert says, "today I got in trouble for not doing something that I wasn't aware needed to be done." Dilbert says, "Yesterday I got in trouble for doing something that no one asked me to do, but needed to be done." Dilbert says, "Tomorrow I plan to sit in my cubicle like a frozen you-know-what and avoid all human contact." Dogbert says, "Does it rhyme with 'Bird'?"