Negative Force Comic Strips - Page 3
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Dilbert stands by the door putting his coat on. He asks, "Dogbert, do you think love is the strongest force in the universe?" Dogbert replies as they walk down the front steps, "No, I'd have to go with stupidity." They walk outdoors. Dogbert continues, "Followed closely by it's cousin ignorance." Dilbert lifts Dogbert onto a fence. Dogbert continues, "Morning breath is number three. Thanks for reminding me." Dogbert continues, "Then you've got selfishness, lust, fear, money and luck." Dilbert asks, "But love is in the top ten, right?" Dogbert replies, "It's fourteenth, right after foolish optimism." Dilbert says, "Someone needs his little round back scratched." Dogbert says, "Do not." Dilbert scratches Dogbert's back and asks, "Where's love now?" Dogbert says, "It'd down and to the left . . . LEFT!! LEFT!! LEFT!! Oowahh . . ."
A consultant is giving a presentation using an overhead projector. He holds a transparency and says, "We have the results of the employee communications survey." The projection shows a skull and cross bones and says Negative News. He says, "The number one problem is "Fear of Giving Negative News to Managers." The Boss sits next to Dilbert and says, "What?! Why haven't I heard this before?" The consultant says, "Well, maybe because it's negative news?" The Boss says, "Do you have a solution or did you just come to insult me?" Dilbert and Wally both think, "Don't get involved." The consultant says, "Ooh. Um... maybe if we wait a few days it will take care of itself." The Boss says, "Fine. Next." The consultant smiles nervously and says, "Happily, there are no other communication problems whatsoever. Heh, heh." The Boss turns to Dilbert and says,"I wonder why so many problems go away on their own." Dilbert says, "I have no comment at this time."
Dilbert stands in the boss' office. Dilbert says, "I found some numbers that support your strategic plan." Dilbert looks at a piece of paper and says, "I had to take the square root of a negative number to do it." Dilbert says, "The timeline is on the mobius strip." The boss says, "Good work."
Dilbert is standing in front of the boss's desk. Dilbert says, "My cubicle is sucking the life force out of me." Dilbert continues, "I mean, it always has, but it seems like it's happening faster now." The boss approaches Catbert who is at the controls of a large machine called "LifeSuck 3000". The boss says, "They noticed."
The Boss is sitting at his desk. Wally addresses him, "Teamwork is nature's way of identifying the weak." Wally continues, "The strong, such as myself, put all of our energy into perpetuating our genes." Wally concludes, "Now this is when you usually try to put a negative spin on everything."
The Boss brings Dilbert a piece of paper. He tells him, "Good idea, Dilbert ... I made a few changes and sent it out." Dilbert reads the paper and screams, "GAAA!" Dilbert says, "You removed the parts that made it a visionary idea!" As the Boss stares at him blankly, Dilbert continues, "Now it's just an unimaginative retread of an idea that has been widely discredited." Dilbert yells in shock, "GAAA! AND IT HAS MY NAME ON IT!" Dilbert collapses back on his desk, saying, "That idea was the energizing force that gave me strength to work." Dilbert yells, "NOW IT'S DEAD! YOU KILLED IT!" Dilbert lies backwards, his head on his desk, gurgling. The Boss says, "I'd love to chat but I have to manage someone else now."
Boss: How do you feel when I give you positive feedback? Alice: Underpaid. Boss: How do you feel when I give you negative feedback? Alice: Underappreciated. Boss: Then what motivates you? Alice: The government makes rectangular pieces of paper.
The Boss says, "I cut the quality control budget to free up funds to increase our sales force." Dilbert says, "So your strategy is to sell a larger volume of defective products?" The Boss says, "The quality will be fine. The tests will just take longer." Dilbert says, "So...It's an antique thing?"
Dogbert the public relations consultant Dogbert says, "So you accidentally destroyed the Statue of Liberty?" Dogbert says, "Her head is floating toward Cuba, and the president will probably order the air force to sink it." CEO says, "I should watch that from my private jet." Dogbert says, "FOCUS!"
The Boss says, "I added my name to your patent application." Dilbert says, "What?" The Boss says, "I could have stopped you from working on it, but I didn't. I'm like an artist who understands negative space." The Boss says, "Do you know what negative space is, Dilbert?" Dilbert says, "I'm living in it!!!"