Nine Comic Strips - Page 3

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47 Results for Nine

View 21 - 30 results for nine comic strips. Discover the best "Nine" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 22, 1998's comic on:


Tags #zero disabling injuries, #injury, #fill forms, #resignation forms, #cinjury report

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The Boss points at a board with the word 'Injuries' written on it, and the number zero below the word. The Boss says, "Our goal this year is zero disabling injuries." The Boss continues, "Last year, our goal was twenty-six disabling injuries." The Boss points at the board with a skeleton and the number twenty-six above it. The Boss says, "In retrospect, that was a mistake." The Boss continues, "We had to injure nine employees to meet the goal." The Boss hands out a piece of paper and says, "If you have an injury, fill out this form immediately." Wally and Dilbert look at the forms. Wally says, "These are resignation forms." The Boss holds up the paper and says, "If you cover the word 'resignation' with your thumb, it's an injury report." Wally turns to Dilbert and says, "This place makes me sick." Dilbert says, "We'll miss you."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 31, 2001's comic on:


Tags #evil hr director, #five years expereince, #job interview, #no profit, #dot com president, #Catbert

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CATBERT: EVIL H.R. DIRECTOR: A man sitting across the desk from Catbert says, "... And I have five years experience as a dot-com president." The man listens as Catbert says, "You're in luck. We need someone who can burn through twenty million dollars without making a profit." Catbert grins widely as the man says, "Really? The last nine interviewers said the same thing but they were joking."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 04, 2001's comic on:


Tags #work ratio, #one in eight, #talking about work, #count as wrok

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Dilbert and Wally stand drinking coffee and talking. Wally asks, "What's the ratio of work to gabbing that is still considered 'work'?" Dilbert replies, "I'd have to say one-in-eight, maybe one-in-nine." Wally agrees, "Sounds right." Dilbert pauses and asks, "Does talking about work count as work?" Wally replies, "Well, I'm not enjoying it."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 25, 2001's comic on:


Tags #tour of accounting, #random number geneartor, #randomness

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Headline: Tour of Accounting. Dilbert is wiping spit off of himself with a towel. A troll tour guide says, "Over here we have our random number generator." The troll places its hands on a slab of rock and relays the message of "nine nine nine nine." Dilbert asks, "Are you sure that's random?" The troll responds, "That's the problem with randomness. You can never be sure."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 25, 2003's comic on:


Tags #decompose, #digits, #million dollars, #planned obsolescene, #upgarde, #upgrade now, #version, #newest software

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Dilbert is meeting with a salesman. The salesman says, "For only a million dollars, you can upgrade to our newest software version." The salesman continues, "Or you can slowly decompose in the miasma of our planned obsolescence." Dilbert says, "We can't afford to upgrade now." The salesman holds up a device and replies, "Say goodbye to the digits three and nine."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 28, 2005's comic on:


Tags #being ceo, #made smarter, #capital of japan, #mitubishi, #genius

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The best part about being CEO is that it made me smarter. Watch this. "The capital of Japan is Mitsubishi." "That's right! You're a genius!" "Yesterday I would have said nine."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 19, 2006's comic on:


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"I finished all of my projects in one day." "I also reconfigured the network, wrote seven white papers and applied for nine patents." "Are you naked or am I developing X-ray vision?" "Give a thought to decaf."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 23, 2012's comic on:


Tags #awkward, #emails, #karma, #texts, #voicemails, #plausible excuse

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Dilbert: Here's the guy who hasn't responded to any of my seventeen emails, nine texts, and four voicemails. It must be awkward sitting here now. Are you trying to concoct a plausible excuse for ignoring my messages? Say hello to karma.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 27, 2012's comic on:


Tags #frustration, #managers & supervisors, #performance review, #perfromance review, #9 months late, #business

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Boss: I finished your performance review. Alice: Terrific. It's nine months late and all you did was sign what I wrote. Boss: I think I also read it, but I'm not 100% positive.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 21, 2010's comic on:


Tags #meeting, #walmart, #front, #ideas, #annoyed, #greeters, #business

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The Boss says, "Walmart started selling a knockoff of our product for nine cents apiece." The Boss says, "I'm looking for ideas. Anyone? Anyone?" Wally says, "They'll need more greeters."