No Tail Comic Strips - Page 3
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Dilbert sits at his desk. Ratbert says, "Yeah, I'd say that I've become a loved and respected member of the family." Ratbert continues, "Sure, you had some initial prejudice because I'm a rat, but love won out." Ratbert concludes, "So, I was thinking maybe there's a better way to leave little bits of cheese around the house for me." Ratbert's tail is stuck in a mouse trap.
Dogbert: "Have you ever noticed how incredibly cute I am?" "Look at this little black nose, soft furry ears, adorable little tail...with these looks I could get away with murder." "I'm thinking of becoming a hit man for the mob." Dilbert: "I'm glad we have these little talks."
Wally: Zimbu the monkey designed three commercial products this week! we'd better find out his secret. wally: He's using his tail! He has a natural advantage! Wally: I feel the jaws of evolution on my throat. Dilbert: good gravy! Did you see him cut and paste?
Liz sits on the couch and Dogbert sits on the armrest. Dogbert says, "Liz, if you're going to continue seeing Dilbert, you'll have to pass my test." Dogbert continues, "Question one: give seven hundred reasons why dogs are superior to cats." Liz pats Dogbert on the head and says, "Well, the first six hundred reasons have to do with the fact that you're cuter." Dogbert wags his tail and says, "Fingernails! She-devil!"
The caption says, "What if people had tails? First of all, it would look darned silly." A tail protrudes from Dilbert's pants. The caption says, "Only the truly unobservant would lose at poker." Dilbert sits at a table playing poker with a man. Dilbert thinks, "He's bluffing." The man's tail wags. He thinks, "Control . . . Don't wag . . ." The caption says, "Jury trials would be simpler." A woman sits in the witness stand and says, ". . . Then I found my husband dead." The judge and a lawyer stare at her wagging tail. The caption says, "And parties would be even more awkward." Dilbert talks to a man with a bandage on his head and his arm in a sling. The man says, "That's when I learned that if you drive a Porsche, you should never make fun of a man on a steamroller." Dilbert's tail wags as he replies, "Tragic . . . Really."
The caption says, "Performance Review." Alice sits across from Ted's desk. Ted reads a document and says, "Your engineering work was excellent, Alice. But there was the little incident where you . . ." Ted stands, revealing a devil's tail, and screams, "Shoved me down a flight of stairs and killed me, thus inviting the forces of darkness to possess my body!!!" Alice holds up a crucifix and yells, "Back!" Dilbert sees Alice walking out of Ted's office and asks, "How'd it go?" Alice replies, "I swear, this job is all politics."
Dilbert sits on the couch and Dogbert stands on the armrest. Dogbert says, "After I become a billionaire from my software company I'll do a little dance." Dogbert dances on the armrest and sings, "I'm so rich / It's me you hail / If I'm obnoxious / Kiss my tail." Dilbert asks, "Do you plan to do any charity work?" Dogbert replies, "Let me put it this way - you just saw my contribution to the fine arts."
Dogbert, Wally, Dilbert, Alice and the Boss sit at a conference table. Dogbert says, "I have discovered the cause of your project delays." Dogbert continues, "Somebody in this room is a piece of deadwood pretending to be a contributor!" Dogbert points his tail at a piece of wood in a dress and shouts, "It is you!" The deadwood says, "Hey, I made some calls and I'm waiting for information!"
The night shift manager brings a dog into Alice's cubicle and says to Alice, "This dog is specially trained to detect wasted resources." As the dog begins sniffing, the night manager continues, "He'll help me find out why your project is behind schedule even after adding me as manager." The dog holds an arrow with his tail and points it at the night manager. The manager says, "We'll begin as soon as he's done playing around."
Dilbert sits on the couch. Dogbert says, "I'm starting a mutual fund for investors who aren't bright enough to know their alternatives." Dogbert says, "It must be a huge market. Otherwise most people would invest in index funds." Dilbert asks, "What's an index fund?" Dogbert wags his tail and says, "Ouch, ouch!! You're making me wag too hard!"