Non Giant Situation Comic Strips - Page 3
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Genetic research Dogbert: Id like you to clone an army of obedient slaves for me, I plan to conquer the world and have dominion over all living things. scientist: I mostly work on giant cucumbers. Dogbert: Mix in some arms and legs and give me two packages of seeds.
The Boss, Wally and Dilbert sit at a conference table. The Boss says, "Since implementing our 'paperless office' concept, we've saved . . ." The Boss looks at a figure written on the back of his hand and says, "Uh . . . ten percent!" Wally looks at his arm and says, "Next on the agenda: the restroom situation . . ."
Dogbert sits at a conference table with a businessman. Dogbert says, "You'll use your technical expertise and I'll do the business stuff. Sign here." As the businessman signs the contract Dogbert says, "Since you're the inventor of the technology, you'll get 100% of the special decorative non-equity stock. I'll settle for all the common stock." The businessman says, "I hope we can avoid the tension that some partners experience." Dogbert says angrily, "Give me my pen, you miscreant."
The caption reads, "The problem . . ." Dilbert enters looking frazzled and says to the Boss, "We're so under-staffed that the project is six weeks behind schedule." The caption reads, "The analysis . . ." The Boss looks pensive and thinks, "I can't add people . . . I can't change the due date . . . I can't ignore it." The caption reads, "The result . . ." Dilbert says to Wally and Alice, "He wants daily status reports until the situation improves." All three look overworked and disheveled.
Liz and Dilbert are seated beneath a tree reading books. She asks him, "What did you bring to read?" Dilbert responds, "It's a book of tips for my new computer golf game." Liz comments, "So . . . you're reading a book . . . about a computer simulation . . . of an activity that's ALMOST a sport . . ." Liz continues, "That's about as close as you can get to being a non-organic life form." Dilbert says, "This chapter is about driving the little cart."
Dilbert and Dogbert sit at a desk. Dilbert says, "I programmed my computer to analyze any situation and predict the female response." Dilbert continues, "This should clarify a few things." Dilbert continues, "I'll type in 'watch sad movie.'" Dilbert says, "Result: crying." Dilbert says, "Now I'll try 'receive flowers.' Result: crying." Dilbert says, "Let's try 'date with Dilbert.' Result: crying." Dogbert says, "Boy, the truth gets vicious when you corner it."
Dogbert sits at a table with Tina who is growling. Dogbert says, "A while back I asked for opinions about this new character, 'Tina the Brittle Tech Writer.'" Dogbert presents the results, "Most people, including nearly all the self-described feminists, said keep her. But there were many requests to add 'non-stereotypical' female characters for balance." Dogbert points at a muscular woman with a shaved head and says, "In the interest of balance I give you 'Antina.'" Antina says, "Is anybody up for some math?"
Dilbert sits at his computer and Antina appears in the door of his cubicle. Antina is muscular, has short hair and is wearing a tie and a skirt. She says, "Hi, I'm Antina the Non-stereotypical Woman." Antina observes, "That computer monitor you're using is supposed to be 17 inches, but it's more like 16.5 inches." She continues, "I took the coffee machine apart just for fun - want to see?"
The Boss stands at the door of Alice's cubicle and says, "Alice, these unsightly stacks of papers are a violation of my 'clean desk' policy." Alice dumps the stack of papers over the wall into Wally's cubicle. The Boss stands at the door of Wally's cubicle. Wally is sitting upside down under a pile of paper. The Boss says, ". . . And don't even get me started about the ergonomics of THIS situation."
Dilbert sits at his desk and says into the telephone, "I'd like a direct flight . . . Aisle seat . . . And an upgrade to first class if possible." The airline ticket agent replies, "The best I can do is to put you in an overhead luggage bin . . . With one stop in North Korea." Dilbert asks, "Is it non-smoking?" The ticket salesperson replies, "That depends on how accurate the anti-aircraft fire is."