Off Site Document Comic Strips - Page 3

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

750 Results for Off Site Document

View 21 - 30 results for off site document comic strips. Discover the best "Off Site Document" comics from Dilbert.com.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #build, #meeting, #project kick off, #project manager, #super fast microchips, #harder to saboatge, #business

View Transcript

Transcript

"Thank you all for coming to the project kick-off meeting." "As project manager I've decided not to tell you the purpose of the project. That way it will be harder for you to sabotage it." "Does it require ny super-fast microchips?" "Good lord, no. Don't build any of those...by Tuesday."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #video conference, #desktop, #telecommuting, #level of professionalism, #share document, #next time

View Transcript

Transcript

"This desktop video conference thing is great!" "Even though you're telecommuting, you still maintain a level of professionalism." "Let's share a document next time."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #bank off head, #coach, #field, #game, #glasses, #goal, #soccer, #strike, #team players, #Sports

View Transcript

Transcript

Player man: dilbert, you'll be playing the left striker position. Player man: one of our good players will try to strike tony in th head with the ball and bank it in the goal, LIZ: "It" being the ball not your head. Dilbert: Id better take off y glasses. LIZ: No, don't, I included their dampening effect in my calculations.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #cat, #not optimist, #phrased better, #rakberts head, #stomp on it, #yank off, #bob the dinosaur, #rat, #dog, #animals

View Transcript

Transcript

"Bob, I'll yank the cat off of Ratbert's head and you stomp on it!" "Yank" "Stomp" "I could have phrased that better." "I'm not an optimist anymore."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #iso 9000 certfication, #create boring, #poorly written document, #big binder, #copies to dept. heads, #dead racoon

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert puts a transparency on an overhead projector and says, "Here's the basic plan for getting our 'ISO 9000' certification." Dilbert points at the diagram and continues, "Each of you will create an insanely boring, poorly written document. I'll combine them into one big honkin' binder." Dilbert points to a picture of a man passing a binder to another man and continues, "I'll send copies to all department heads for comment. They will treat it like a dead raccoon and route it to the first passerby."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #telemarketing, #bid to run, #telemarketers pay themselves, #rip[ off people, #old people, #no way to lose

View Transcript

Transcript

Dogbert sits across from the Boss's desk. He hands the Boss a document and says, "Here's my bid to run your telemarketing company. Basically, it's no cost to you." Dogbert continues, "My telemarketers pay themselves. If they get a feeble-minded person on the phone they charge them triple and pocket the difference." The Boss says, "There's no way I can lose." Dogbert says, "Don't answer your home phone for a few weeks."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #black outs, #lights, #motion detectors, #hired a temp, #walk around, #go off, #another journalism major, #waste, #fan us

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss, Dilbert and Wally sit at a conference table. The Boss says, "We've been having a problem with black-outs. The office lights are controlled by motion detectors." A man stands next to the Boss flapping his arms. The Boss continues, "I hired a temp to walk around and flap his arms so the lights won't go off." Dilbert and Wally watch the temp flap his arms. Dilbert says, "Another Journalism major enters the workforce." Wally says, "It seems like a waste. Maybe he could fan us."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #never time lunch, #men are early, #upgrading pcs, #paid off, #effieciency, #hungry, #secrets

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert and Wally sit at a table eating lunch. Alice walks over and says, "Why is it that I never have time to eat but you MEN are in here every day at 11:35?" Wally replies, "Because the hours we spent upgrading our PCs have finally paid off by greatly improving our efficiency." After Alice has left the table, Dilbert says to Wally, "I thought it was because we get hungry at 11:30?" Wally replies, "We can't reveal all our secrets."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #living document, #plan to update

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss, Wally, Dilbert and Alice sit at a conference table. Wally says, "This is a living document." The Boss screams and drops the document. Alice says, "Next time, just say you plan to update it." Dilbert shakes the paper and says, "Mine's dead."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Dilbert, #corporate, #philosophy, #shoot, #messenger, #consulted, #engineering, #department, #launched, #ill-conceived product, #humiliated, #fired, #eileen, #document, #carpet

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert stands at the front of the room giving a presentation. A man sitting at the conference table says, "Be candid, Dilbert. We have a corporate philosophy that says we 'don't shoot the messenger.'" Dilbert replies, "Good." Dilbert points to a diagram and says, "Had you consulted with the engineering department, you never would have launched such an ill-conceived product." Dilbert continues, "It is doomed to fail. You will all be humiliated and probably fired." A woman holding a rifle shouts, "Can't I just wing him?!!" A man says, "No, Eileen, that's not our philosophy." Dilbert arrives at home with tar and feathers on his body. He tells Dogbert, "It turns out the corporate philosophy is a very flexible document." Dogbert says, "You're getting tar on the carpet."