Search Results for "only company"

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.
Notice: Too many results returned for your search. Displaying the first 1000 most relevant results.
21 - 30 of 1000

Actual Company Policy

Thank you for voting.
Actual Company Policy - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 13, 2017's comic on:

Tags #complaining, #management, #manipulation, #strategy, #vacation, #training, #company policy

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: I can't approve your vacation days because you haven't completed the mandatory class on fax machine safety. Dilbert: Is that an actual company policy? Boss: I don't know, but it sounds like one. Dilbert: Maybe we should check. Boss: Wow. Is there anything you DON'T complain about?

Haircut On Company Times

Thank you for voting.
Haircut On Company Times - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 28, 2018's comic on:

Tags #hair, #haircut, #time, #break

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: Wally, do you have a minute? Wally: No. I have to get a haircut. Boss: You can't get a haircut on company time. Wally: I'm only cutting the hairs that grew on company time. Boss: How do you know which ones grew on company time? Wally: It's always hairs three and five.

Everyone Is Their Own Boss

Thank you for voting.
Everyone Is Their Own Boss - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 29, 2018's comic on:

Tags #boss, #business, #decision, #employees, #company

View Transcript

Transcript

Man: At my company, every employee is their own boss. Dilbert: How do you make decisions? Man: Can I get back to you when we make one? It's only been two years.

Thank you for voting.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 14, 2011's comic on:

Tags #ignorance (knowledge), #laziness, #seven layers of management, #lead company, #unknowingly, #bad idea, #input to avoid, #ceo, #middle management

View Transcript

Transcript

CEO: I plant to add seven more layers of management between you and me. My goal is to lead the company without knowing anything about it. Boss: That sounds like a bad idea. CEO: This sort of input is exactly what I'm trying to avoid.

Thank you for voting.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 03, 2011's comic on:

Tags #executives, #interviews, #ceo's interview series, #company priftable, #credit, #overpaid and useless, #dumb employees, #highest bidder, #blackmail, #interview

View Transcript

Transcript

Dogbert says, "I don't like people." Dogbert says, "What makes your company so profitable?" CEO says, "I give all of the credit to our fine employees." Dogbert says, "Is that another way of saying you're overpaid and useless?" CEO says, "Um... no. I'm their leader. I set the direction." Dogbert says, "Because the employees are too dumb to set their own direction?" CEO says, "No! They're smart!" Dogbert says, "But not as smart as you?" CEO says, "Who's going to see this?" Dogbert says, "No one, assuming you're the highest bidder." Dogbert's CEO Interview Series

View more books now

Thank you for voting.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 29, 2011's comic on:

Tags #exercise & fitness, #office workers, #engineers, #telomeres, #value work, #company gym, #slacker trap

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: We're looking for engineers with short telomeres for their age. That's an indication that you value work above exercise. Man: But you have a company gym. Boss: That's our slacker trap!

Thank you for voting.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 30, 2011's comic on:

Tags #exercise & fitness, #office workers, #using company gym, #60 hrs week, #paying for itself

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: Ted, I can't give you a raise because you've been using the company gym during work hours. Ted: I work sixty hours a week! Why did we build a new gym if I'm not supped to use it?? Boss: You were right. That gym is totally paying for itself.

Thank you for voting.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 07, 2011's comic on:

Tags #business ethics, #public realtions firm, #persuade media, #negative stores, #competitor, #ethical, #public relations form, #defaming company, #defame

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: I hired the Dogbert public relations firm. His job is to persuade the media to write negative stories about our competitor. Dilbert: Is that ethical? Dogbert: I assure you that your competitor is doing the same thing to you. They're paying a public relations firm a fortune to steer the media toward defaming your company. Dilbert: Who did they hire to defame us. Dogbert: Probably someone awesome.

Thank you for voting.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 17, 2011's comic on:

Tags #commerce, #competition (psychology), #hate new product, #customers, #fake revenue projections, #engineer, #stronger company, #engineering

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: If consumers hate our new product, we will probably go out of business. If they love our new product, a stronger company will enter the space and drive us out of business. CEO: Tell the engineer to stop making me sad. Boss: I have some fake revenue projections to cheer you up.

Thank you for voting.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 28, 2011's comic on:

Tags #computers & peripherals, #office equipment, #questioning, #wise garbageman, #powerpoint slides, #only delicious, #small does, #analogy, #works for flies

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: Wise garbage man, tell me why Powerpoint slides are so boring. Garbageman: Powerpoint is a lot like garbage. It's only delicious in small doses. Too much can kill you. Dilbert: That analogy only works for flies. Garbageman: Oooh. Look who thinks she's better than flies.