Ordered On Internet Comic Strips - Page 3
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Dogbert stands on the desk and says, "I declare myself 'King Dogbert,' the first ruler of the Internet!!" Dogbert raises his paws over his head and yells, "Bow before me or be expelled from the kingdom forever!!!" Dilbert enters wearing a bathrobe and asks, "Are you aware that the Internet is comprised of millions of individuals and organizations that operate independently?" Dogbert replies, "Until now!"
Dilbert and Liz sit at a table in a restaurant. Dilbert says, "I would never buy something over the internet. I'd hate to have my credit card number floating around out there." Dilbert hands his credit card to the waitress as he says, "There are a lot of unscrupulous people on the net." The caption says, "Later." Dilbert concludes, ". . . Bottom line, it just isn't common sense." The waitress returns wearing a fur coat and hands Dilbert's credit card back to him.
Dilbert sits at his computer and Dogbert looks over his shoulder. Dilbert says, "I'm inventing a new technology to prevent kids from seeing smut on the Internet." Dogbert says, "So you're pitting your intelligence against the collective sex drive of all the teenagers who own computers?" Dilbert asks, "What is your point?" Dogbert replies, "Did you know that if you put a little hat on a snowball it can last a long time in hell?"
Alice and Dilbert stand behind a little boy who sits at a desk. Dilbert says, "Matt, your job is to test my new invention that blocks kids from seeing dirty pictures on the Internet." As Matt uses the Internet, Dilbert tells Alice, "His youthful curiosity is no match for my technical brilliance." Matt stops typing and stares at the screen. Dilbert says to Alice, "I hope that wasn't the sound of eyeballs getting really big."
Dilbert stands in front of an overhead projector discussing "Strategic Alliance Issues." Dilbert says, "Issue one: Our two companies have very different corporate cultures." A man with a goatee sits at the conference table working on a laptop. A woman with spiked hair sits next to him. The man says, "While you were droning I slammed out some beta code and put it on the Internet for comments." Dilbert says, "My company prefers to have that kind of decision made by uninformed executives. We call it 'empowerment.'" The man replies, "I'll mention that in the press release."
Dilbert sits at his desk and Dogbert sits next to him. Dilbert says, "Liz starting dating other men. Two can play at that game." Dilbert continues, "I will use the power of the Internet to find a hot babe. Ah! Here's one." Dogbert says, "She wants your credit card number." Dilbert says, "Ooh! She's inquisitive. I like that."
The Boss stands behind Wally's desk and says, "Wally, two things . . ." The Boss says, "Number one, I want you to chair the 'fun committee' to improve employee morale." The Boss says, "Two, according to this report, you've been using the Internet for personal reasons."
Catbert stands at his desk and types, "Any employee who uses the Internet for non-business purposes will be fired." Catbert types, "And any employee who sits in a company chair while having a personal thought will be executed by security." Catbert smiles and thinks, "The great thing about senseless, sadistic policies is that they don't require a lot of explanation."
Dilbert stands across from the Boss's desk. He says, "We've identified the people who will create the system to develop a product process." Dilbert points at a newspaper and continues, "While we were doing that, our competitor created a new Internet product that added a billion dollars to their stock value." Dilbert says, "Experts attribute the company's success to their 'employee of the week' program." The Boss says, "Quick! Hire those experts!"
Dilbert is sitting at his computer. The Boss walks up behind him and says, "We have to improve our image in the Internet community." Dilbert says, "Let's do a mass unsolicited e-mail campaign to tell people how nice we are." Dilbert comes home and looks very angry. Dogbert says, "You have the look of a man who was just put in charge of implementing his own sarcastic suggestion."