Search Results for "pay depends on coworkers"
Share March 11, 1995's comic on:
The Boss and a woman walk by Dilbert's cubicle holding folders. Leaning back in his chair to look out of the cubicle, Dilbert thinks, "Uh-Oh . . . the managers are going to another closed-door meeting." Dilbert thinks, "It must be about pay cuts or layoffs. I'm doomed. I'd better work on my resume NOW." He pulls nervously at his tie, his hair stands on end and beads of sweat fly from his forehead. The Boss sits around a conference table with three other managers. Reading from a document, he says, "Okay, so far our 'leadership vision' says 'we inspire employees to action.' Does anybody have upgrades?" Another man responds, "Nah."
Share April 28, 1991's comic on:
Dogbert walks along the sidewalk humming. Dogbert meets a man in a robe and slippers followed by two men in suits. Dogbert says, "Good morning, Mister Rich Person!" The man replies, "Good morning." One of the men behind him says, "I don't know about 'good.'" The other says, "Depends." Dogbert asks, "Have you been hurt by the slumping economy?" The wealthy man replies, "I've had to make some bold cost-cutting moves." The man behind him says, "I don't know about 'bold.'" The other man says, "Questionable." The rich man says, "I used to surround myself with yes-men . . . Now, all I can afford are these maybe-men." One of the maybe-men asks, "Did you know that the back of your head looks like an acorn squash?" The rich man says, "It takes some getting used to."
Share December 29, 1991's comic on:
Dilbert stands at the front of a conference room. He says, "I've been asked to brief everybody on the company's policy for protecting secret information." Dilbert continues, "All secret information must be locked up at night." Dilbert continues, "Our secrets could be of great value to our competitors." Dilbert continues, "In fact, some companies try to buy the secrets of their competitors." A woman asks, "Just out of curiosity, how much would our competitors pay for our secrets?" Dilbert replies, "Oh, I dunno . . . Maybe several times your annual salary." The people at the table smirk at each other. Dilbert thinks, "I don't think this was some of my best work."
Share January 31, 1996's comic on:
Wally sits at his desk and thinks, "Wally writes the critical code for our nation's new air traffic control system. The crowd is silent." Wally thinks, "Suddenly the gifted programmer employs a rarely seen strategy of 'code reuse.' The crowd goes wild." Dilbert, Wally and Alice sit a table eating lunch. Dilbert asks Wally, "So you used code from the payroll system?" Wally replies, "Here's a tip: don't fly on pay day."
Share July 30, 1996's comic on:
Dogbert stands on a stage and says to an audience, "Vote for me and I will reform the tax code so that only idiots have to pay taxes!" The crowd cheers and chants Dogbert's name. Dilbert sits on the couch and Dogbert sits on the armrest. Dogbert says, "I hope nobody asks me to define 'idiots.'" Dilbert says, ". . . So, under your plan I wouldn't pay ANY taxes, right?"
Share November 12, 1996's comic on:
Catbert stands on a desk and says to Dilbert, "Here are the resumes of highly qualified applicants for your opening." Catbert snatches the resumes away from Dilbert and says, "It's too bad we don't pay enough to hire qualified applicants. Ha ha ha ha ha ha!!" Alice and Dilbert sit at a table looking through piles of resumes. Alice says, "Let's see . . . We've got resumes in pencil . . . Crayon . . . pencil . . . Eyeliner . . ." Dilbert says, "Hey! Dot matrix!"
Share November 14, 1996's comic on:
Dilbert sits at a table with a woman. Dilbert says, "Your resume looks good, but we could only pay half of what you're making now. Are you interested?" The woman replies, "So . . . You're looking for a brilliant engineer who is actively seeking a pay cut?" Dilbert says, "Well, you have to consider the many intangibles." The woman asks, "Such as my savings account if I worked here?"
Share February 08, 1997's comic on:
The Boss thinks, "My old slogan was, 'Work smarter not harder.'" The Boss thinks, "But people kept leaving for companies that pay more for less work." The Boss stands behind Alice and says, "Work like a frightened idiot!" Alice says, "Catchy."
Share February 15, 1997's comic on:
Carol tells Dilbert, "This is Wendy, my new secretary." Dilbert replies, "I didn't know secretaries could have secretaries." Dilbert asks, "Now will you have time to process my pay increase? It's been on your desk for three months." Carol and Wendy laugh. Dilbert thinks, "Here's another case where more is not better."
Share March 07, 1997's comic on:
Wally tells Dilbert, "Our boss has fallen under the spell of a consultant." The Boss walks by with his arms outstretched and a zombie-like look on his face. He says, "Must . . . Make assumptions." The Boss continues, "Must . . . write . . large checks to consultant . . . because . . . employees . . . are . . . morons." Wally says, "Just because we pay inexperienced strangers to tell us how to do our jobs, that doesn't mean we're morons!" Dilbert says, "Yeah! It's a coincidence."