Picture N Stapler Comic Strips - Page 3

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

120 Results for Picture N Stapler

View 21 - 30 results for picture n stapler comic strips. Discover the best "Picture N Stapler" comics from Dilbert.com.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 20, 1996's comic on:


Tags #update objectives, #need targets, #hard work, #support management, #picture

View Transcript

Transcript

Alice sits at her desk. The Boss says, "It's time for me to update your objectives, Alice." The Boss continues, "We need targets that can only be achieved by amazingly hard work plus the constant support of management." The Boss says, "I'm busy, so you'll have to write them yourself." Alice asks, "What's wrong with this picture?"

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 22, 1992's comic on:


Tags #Dogbert, #school, #jerk, #sorting, #major, #categories, #specialized, #instruction, #supermodel, #cindy, #picture, #Sports, #hubba, #court

View Transcript

Transcript

Two men shove each other as they enter "Dogbert's School for Jerks." Dogbert stands on a stool and says, "We'll begin by sorting you into the three major jerk categories for specialized instruction." Dogbert holds up a photo and says, "Look at this picture of supermodel Cindy Crawford." A man in the audience says, "Whoa! Hubba! Snort!" Dogbert says, "Anybody who said 'hubba,' stand over there. You are what is called 'jerks around women.'" Dogbert tosses a ball into the audience and says, "Now, somebody catch this ball, please." Someone yells, "Foul! You fouled!" Dogbert says, "Anybody who yelled 'foul' is a 'sports jerk.' Stand over there." A man says, "It WAS a foul." Dogbert says, "So, whoever is left must be . . ." A woman wearing a suit and carrying a briefcase says, "Hurry up. I'm late for court." The man next to her asks, "You're a lawyer too?" Another man says, "I was going to say 'hubba.'"

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 21, 1993's comic on:


Tags #Dogbert, #digital, #dating, #service, #loser, #velveeta, #digitize, #picture, #hair, #nose, #tan, #photoshop

View Transcript

Transcript

Dogbert sits at a desk in front of a sign that says "Dogbert's Digital Dating Service." A man enters and says, "I'm a loser. Sign me up." Dogbert aims a camera at the man and says, "Say 'Velveeta.'" The man smiles. Dogbert sits at a computer and says, "Now we digitize your picture for the database." Dogbert says, "I could add some digital hair." The man replies, "Good idea." Dogbert says, "Maybe I should bob your nose and give you a tan." The man says, "That's fair." Dogbert asks, "Whiten teeth? Smooth wrinkles? Hide stomach? Thicken lips?" The man replies, "Yes" to all of his questions. The man looks at the final photo and says, "I look like Sandra Bernhard." Dogbert replies, "Yeah, but you have to admit it improves your odds."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 15, 1996's comic on:


Tags #upgarde, #product design, #overheat, #big picture, #no benefits, #over heating, #sales are strong, #end civilization

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss tells Dilbert, "I made an upgrade to your product design." He hands Dilbert a document. Dilbert says, "This would make the product overheat." The Boss says, "Let's try to look at the big picture." Dilbert reads the document and says, "Okay . . . Let's see . . . Your upgrade has no benefits and it costs more." Dilbert continues, "The overheating would start office fires and put all of our customers out of business." Dilbert continues, "If our sales are strong, we could create economic chaos and a global firestorm." Dilbert concludes, "Your 'upgrade' would destroy civilization as we know it." The Boss says, "Keep me informed." Back at home, Dilbert sits on the couch and Dogbert sits on the backrest. Dogbert asks, "So you're going to end civilization as we know it?" Dilbert replies, "I don't think I'll miss it, frankly."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 01, 1999's comic on:


Tags #hidden camera, #capture theief, #raining cubicles, #human form, #grainy picture

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert slips a tape into a VCR as the boss watches. Dilbert says, "I used a hidden camera to capture the thief who's been raiding our cubicles." The picture on the TV screen is the boss. The boss says, "The picture is grainy but I can almost make out a human form... or maybe a cat."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 20, 1999's comic on:


Tags #photograohy, #new hobby, #picture, #selfie

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss holds a camera and says to Dilbert, "Photography is my new hobby." The Boss takes a flash photograph of himself. Dilbert says to himself, "Do you want a picture of me?" The Boss says, "No, I like to look at them later."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 19, 2003's comic on:


Tags #big picture, #drifting, #floating, #above earth, #plane, #coach, #in plane

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: "I recommend that we look at the big picture and view it from 20,000 feet." The Boss: "Drifting.. floating above the Earth.. wait.. a plane is coming right at me! NO-O-O-O!!!" Dilbert: "Maybe you should imagine you're in the plane." The Boss: "GAAAA!! I'm in coach!"

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 07, 1999's comic on:


Tags #morale, #family picture, #picture of you, #hard to look at, #freaks, #alice

View Transcript

Transcript

Alice, to the Boss, who is sitting at his desk, "...So our morale is... umm..." Alice asks, "What's that on your desk?" The Boss says, "It's a family picture." Alice picks up the photograph, "I might be wrong but I think it's only a picture of you." The Boss says, "The rest of the family is hard to look at." The Boss continues, "I see no reason I should suffer." Alice is stunned. The Boss asks, "Now what was your question about morale?" Alice walks out of the Boss' office. He calls to her, "Alice?" The Boss picks up the picture of himself and says, directly to it, "We're surrounded by freaks."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 19, 2005's comic on:


Tags #gullible world magazine, #engineering, #before and after, #picture, #before picture pose, #sexy

View Transcript

Transcript

"May I take your picture for a feature story in 'Gullible World' magazine?" "It's a story about how engineering makes you sexier." "Gosh, okay." "Perfect. Now all I need is someone to pose for the 'After' picture."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 02, 2012's comic on:


Tags #gadgets, #mobile (cell) phones, #time travel, #rumour, #apple phone, #20 pixel camera, #picture of thoughts, #time machine, #future, #most handsome man, #android phone

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: I heard a rumor that Apple's next phone will have a 20-megapixel camera. Topper: That's nothing! I heard you'll be able to hold the phone to your head and take a picture of your thoughts. And even that's nothing. Their next phone will be a time machine! Future Topper: Here I am from the future! I'm the most handsome man in the universe! Topper: So am I! Wally: He makes a good case for buying an Android phone. Both Toppers: I love me more than me. Topper hijack