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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 11, 1990's comic on:


Tags #Dilbert, #corporate, #philosophy, #shoot, #messenger, #consulted, #engineering, #department, #launched, #ill-conceived product, #humiliated, #fired, #eileen, #document, #carpet

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Dilbert stands at the front of the room giving a presentation. A man sitting at the conference table says, "Be candid, Dilbert. We have a corporate philosophy that says we 'don't shoot the messenger.'" Dilbert replies, "Good." Dilbert points to a diagram and says, "Had you consulted with the engineering department, you never would have launched such an ill-conceived product." Dilbert continues, "It is doomed to fail. You will all be humiliated and probably fired." A woman holding a rifle shouts, "Can't I just wing him?!!" A man says, "No, Eileen, that's not our philosophy." Dilbert arrives at home with tar and feathers on his body. He tells Dogbert, "It turns out the corporate philosophy is a very flexible document." Dogbert says, "You're getting tar on the carpet."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 29, 1996's comic on:


Tags #facilitate meetings, #fix product developemnt, #preplanning meetings, #project name, #death spiral

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Dogbert stands on a desk chair. Dilbert asks him, "Dogbert, I need you to facilitate some meetings." Dogbert asks, "What kind of meetings?" Dilbert says, "We're creating a process to fix our product development process. But first we're having some preplanning meetings . . ." Dilbert continues, " . . . to decide on a project name." Dogbert asks, "How about 'Death Spiral?'"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 08, 1996's comic on:


Tags #new vp comig, #demo, #holographic inetrface, #everything fine, #product demos, #loyal peon

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Dilbert stands in front of a table with a computer monitor on it. Wally is under the table pretending to be a 3-D interface. The Boss says to Dilbert nervously, "Our new VP is coming. Is the demo of our holographic interface ready?" Dilbert says, "Everything should be fine . . . Unless we're suddenly visited by the dark angel of product demos . . ." Phil appears inside the monitor next to Wally and says, "Hello-o-o, Wally. Did somebody say 'demo?'" Wally looks shocked. Dilbert says to the new VP, "I'm Dilbert; loyal peon."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 11, 1996's comic on:


Tags #new product deal, #alert in effect, #danger new idea, #crush o matic

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Wally and Dilbert stand with the Boss. Dilbert says, "Wally and I came up with a great new product idea!" A voice says over an intercom, "Inspiration alert in effect!!" Another voice says, "Danger! New idea!" An arm extends down and drops a metal casing onto the Boss's head. The intercom says, "State your idea now." There is a large mallet poised over Dilbert's head that has written on it, "Crush-O-Matic." Dilbert says to Wally, "Um, you tell him."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 12, 1996's comic on:


Tags #product idea, #quit, #start business, #run new company, #cucbilces, #immoral, #people already in hell

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Dilbert says to Wally, "If this company won't use our product idea let's quit and start our own business!" Wally responds, "Why quit? We can run our new company from our cubicles and get paid too." Dilbert asks, "Wouldn't that be immoral?" Wally says, "That's only an issue for people who aren't already in hell."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 16, 1996's comic on:


Tags #started own compnay, #selling product, #be rich, #victory jog, #employment agreement, #patent rights

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Wally and Dilbert stand in front of the Boss's desk. Dilbert says, "Wally and I started our own company. We're selling the product that you said nobody wants." Wally adds, "Soon we will be rich." As they dance around the office, Dilbert says, "We do our victory jig in your face." Wally says, "Ba-bum" as the shakes back and forth. Wally and Dilbert are sobbing in the hallway. Alice asks, "When he showed you your employment agreement - where you gave all patent rights to this company - what part of the jig were you doing?" Dilbert replies, "Turbo mooning."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 09, 1996's comic on:


Tags #product mock up, #last week, #don't make prodcut, #competitors product

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A man stands behind Dilbert's desk and says, "Thanks for making that product mock-up last week. The customer liked it so much that he ordered a thousand!" Dilbert says, "That was a MOCK-UP! We don't even make that product yet. It would take three years to make one." The man says, "Just give me a thousand mock-ups. The first one was terrific!" Dilbert replies, "The mock-up was our competitor's product with duct tape over the logo."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 21, 1996's comic on:


Tags #battery back up, #product, #no electricity

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The Boss and Dilbert sit at a conference table. Dilbert says, "I've got an idea. Let's add a battery backup to our product." Dilbert thinks, "One . . . Two . . . Three . . ." The Boss says, "I've got an idea. Why don't we add a battery backup to our product?" Dilbert replies, "Because our product doesn't use electricity."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 04, 1996's comic on:


Tags #iso 9000 certified, #product looks good, #internal porcess, #well documented, #documented porcess, #ace, #double price

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The Boss and a man sit at a conference table. The man says, "Your product looks good, but you can't be our supplier unless your company is ISO 9000 certified." The Boss asks, "So . . . You don't care how bad our internal processes are, as long as they're well-documented and used consistently?" The man replies, "That's right." The Boss says, "Our documented process says I must now laugh in your face and double our price."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 02, 1997's comic on:


Tags #design product brochure, #criminal fraud, #marketing, #not worng, #conscience, #marketing epople, #business

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The Boss tells Dilbert, "I want you to work with our marketing people to design a product brochure." Dilbert thinks, "Groan." Dilbert sits at a conference table with a man from marketing. The man says, "Remember, what we do here might seem like criminal fraud but it's not. It's marketing!" Dilbert says, "Okay, as long as it's not wrong . . ." The man says, "Here's a jar to keep your conscience in. I'll put it in the closet with mine."