Quality Control Group Comic Strips - Page 3

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405 Results for Quality Control Group

View 21 - 30 results for quality control group comic strips. Discover the best "Quality Control Group" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 04, 2011's comic on:


Tags #comparing a task, #criticism, #employees, #executives, #quality is bad, #your imagination, #time, #quality, #boss, #business

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Boss: Why did this take so long? Dilbert: You're comparing a task - the likes of which has never been done - to your imagination of how long such things should take. Boss: Well then, the quality is bad. Dilbert: Compared to... ?

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 14, 2012's comic on:


Tags #computer, #control computer, #invention, #inventions, #mind, #mobile (cell) phones, #phone, #power, #brain reader, #technology

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Dilbert: My brain reader invention allows me to control any nearby computer. Co-worker: That's nothing! My phone can... Dilbert: I did that with my mind. Co-worker: That's nothing! I made you do it!

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 15, 2012's comic on:


Tags #correlations, #predicted outcomes, #problem, #enormous ceo compensation, #myth, #control over profits, #awkward, #trap door, #ceo trick, #violent

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Dilbert: I did a study of our past business plans and found something. There's no correlation between our predicted and actual outcomes. That might be a problem for you. Your enormous CEO compensation is based on the myth that you have some control over our profitability. CEO: Ha! Dilbert: Ha! CEO: Is it just me or is this awkward? Dilbert: No, I'm feeling it too.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 20, 2012's comic on:


Tags #business ethics, #competitors network, #elbonians, #bribe blogger, #limited capacity, #self control, #bury in woods

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Boss: Can you hack into our competitor's network and make it look as if the Elbonians did it? Dilbert: No. Boss: Can you bribe a blogger to write good things about our company? Dilbert: No. Boss: Now that I've worn down your limited capacity for self-control, I need you to bury something in the woods, no questions asked. Dilbert: Fine.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 03, 2012's comic on:


Tags #laziness, #office workers, #encouragement, #career plans, #misjudge, #5 year plan, #legacy sytems, #retirement, #projects, #protect heart, #plenty of naps, #quality of work, #pension fund, #new career plan

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Catbert: Wally, you can't float through life with no goals and no ambition. Wally: You misjudge me. I have my entire career planned out. My five-year plan is to avoid any sort of work in which my individual accomplishments can be measured. I'll hoard knowledge about one of our legacy systems so I seem indispensable. When I get to within four years of retirement, I'll only work on projects that have a five-year payback. I'll protect my cardiovascular system by getting plenty of naps and not caring about the quality of my work. Then I'll stick a straw in our pension fund and suck on it for the next forty years. Boss: Did you get him straightened out? Catbert: No, but I got a new career plan for myself.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 17, 1989's comic on:


Tags #fashion, #different, #notice, #control, #bold

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Dilbert asks Dogbert, "Notice anything different, Dogbert?" Dogbert replies, "Uh . . ." Dilbert says, "I'm wearing THREE pens, not just two." Dogbert says, "That's a pretty bold fashion statement." Dilbert replies, "I guess I was out of control."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 03, 1990's comic on:


Tags #Dilbert, #urget, #memo, #employees, #important, #competitive, #proactive, #quality, #items, #pounding, #tingly, #day, #off

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Dilbert sits at his desk reading a memo. Dilbert reads, "Urgent memo to all employees:" Dilbert says, "Uh-oh. Looks important." Dilbert continues reading, "If we are to remain competitive, you must proactively improve quality on all actionable items!" Dilbert says, "Wow! That was inspiring. My heart is pounding. I'm all tingly . . . I'd better take the rest of the day off . . ."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 20, 1990's comic on:


Tags #Dilbert, #Women, #conclude, #year, #quality, #dates, #sadly, #Dogbert

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Dilbert and Dogbert sit on a hill outdoors. Dilbert says, "About 400 women turned me down for dates this year." Dilbert continues, "I can only conclude one thing . . ." Dogbert asks, "Not enough quality women?" Dilbert replies, "Sadly."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 11, 1990's comic on:


Tags #Dilbert, #deprogram, #control, #dogberts, #cult, #reflexively, #embraces, #ridiculous, #explanation, #dog's, #commands

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Dilbert says to Dawn and Bob the Dinosaurs, "I have a plan to deprogram you from the control of Dogbert's cult." Dilbert continues, "My theory is that the brain reflexively embraces the most ridiculous explanation of reality." Dilbert concludes, "So, we just have to think of something more ridiculous than following a dog's commands." Bob asks, "Like listening to you?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 23, 1992's comic on:


Tags #Dilbert, #whacked, #randy, #remote, #control, #airplane, #cattle, #sheep, #swear, #Dogbert

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Dilbert stands over an unconscious man. Another man yells, "Aaagh! You whacked Randy with your remote control airplane!!!" Dilbert says, "Oops!" The man continues to yell, "I'm warning you, frisbee people and airplane people don't mix . . . Like cattle and sheep . . . You'll pay for this!! I swear . . ." Another remote control plane hits the man in the head and knocks him out. Dilbert says, "Good one, Dogbert."