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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 06, 2008's comic on:


Tags #anger, #emailed payroll, #pay discrepncy, #punches screen, #quiet, #secret, #smashes computer, #report

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The Boss: Carol, I e-mailed you the department payroll report to reformat. Don't let anyone see it because they might... BAM! Exactly. They might do that.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 14, 2010's comic on:


Tags #upgrade, #cellphone, #clerk, #sport chair, #laptop, #stare

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Dilbert says, "I'd like to waste the better part of my afternoon trying to upgrade my phone." Dilbert says, "I'll just set up my sport chair, and use my laptop while you mumble and stare at your monitor for what seems like forever." Dilbert says, "Look at me! I'm beating your system!" Man says, "Quiet! I'm trying to stare."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 26, 2009's comic on:


Tags #manager, #meeting, #laughing, #confused, #angry, #ridicule, #criticism, #embarrassed, #business

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Man says, "Moving forward, we'll go after the low-hanging fruit at the end of the day." Dilbert says, "Ha ha!" Dilbert says, "I like the way you used humor to mock the vacuous way managers speak." Wally says, "Snork" Man says, "Which part was humor?" Dilbert says, "I'll just be quiet now."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 10, 2003's comic on:


Tags #charging hours to project, #one meeting, #one hour, #extensive preparation, #evaluated, #57 hours, #sat quiet, #charging

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"Wally, why have you been charging all of your hours to my project?" "I invited you to one meeting. It lasted one hour." "Do you think I would go to a meeting without extensive preparation?" "Okay.. that's another hour." "How many more do you need explained?" "Fifty-eight." "After the meeting, I sat quietly and evaluated what everyone said. That took fity-seven hours." "Ha! You're still an hour short. Explain THAT!" "Do you mind if I sit quietly and think about that question for a while?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 09, 2014's comic on:


Tags #capitalism, #cruelty, #executives, #industry & manufacturing, #manufacturing, #meat, #announcements, #artificial meat prodcut, #automated robots, #senior management, #manufacturing employees, #engineering

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CEO: The company has two exciting announcements. We are launching a new artificial meat product. In unrelated news, our manufacturing plant is now fully automated by robots. Wow. It got quiet in here. Dilbert: I don't want to say we have no trust in senior management, but... did you order the robots to kill all of the manufacturing employees and turn them into a meat product? CEO: Before I answer that, can we agree that capitalism has some rough edges?

What The Boss Said

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What The Boss Said - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 04, 2016's comic on:


Tags #secret, #accusation, #privacy, #following, #bathroom, #restroom, #personal space

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Ted: I think you know something about my project and your boss told you to keep quiet. Ha! You just confirmed it by avoiding eye contact! Dilbert: Maybe you could get your own stall? Ted: Why? What do you have to hide?

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 13, 2019's comic on:


Tags #boredom, #panic, #technology, #smartphone, #thoughts

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Dilbert: I'm turning off my digital devices so I can spend some time with my thoughts. Dogbert: That sounds like a terrible idea. Do you remember what your quiet thoughts were like? Dilbert: Not really. But how bad could it be? This isn't so bad. Just a bit boring. Five minutes later. Dilbert: I'm getting the shakes. The boredom has metastasized. Gaaaa!!! The boredom is overwhelming! Kill me! Kill me! Dogbert: Maybe you should have tried being with people. Dilbert: It was already bad enough.