Raise Hand Comic Strips - Page 3

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498 Results for Raise Hand

View 21 - 30 results for raise hand comic strips. Discover the best "Raise Hand" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 28, 2012's comic on:


Tags #raise, #married with children, #new family, #benefit expenses, #laser like focus, #procreating

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Wally: Give me a raise or else I'll get married and have children. My new family would increase your benefit expenses and distract me from my laser-like focus on work. Boss: I will gladly pay extra to prevent you from procreating. Wally: Word it any way you like.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 06, 2012's comic on:


Tags #bears, #happiness, #compares, #raise, #working, #people attacked, #bear attacked, #psychology

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Boss: Studies say your happiness depends on how well your life compares to others. So instead of giving you a raise, I'm going to show you pictures of people who were attacked by bears. Do you feel better now? Dilbert: Dang you to heck, this is working!

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 16, 2012's comic on:


Tags #stock market, #good investment, #bitter, #last raise, #money

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Boss: The stock market is up today. I wonder if this is a good time to get in. Dilbert: If you wait until it goes up even further, then you'll know it's a good investment. Wally: Are you still bitter about your last raise? Dilbert: Not as much as I was a minute ago.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 13, 2012's comic on:


Tags #discussion, #ideas, #meeting, #originality, #irrational thinking, #optoistic, #new prodcuts, #faking optomisim, #fake buy in, #business

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Dilbert: ... and that's my suggestion for our next product. Alice: How do we know that ten other companies aren't working on the same idea. Dilbert: Well, that's always a possibility. Wally: There are seven billion people on Earth. I'll bet a million of them had this idea. Asok: It's irrational to think that any new product is likely to be a hit. On the other hand, we only get paid if we pretend to be optimistic about new products. Wally: All in favor of faking our optimism, raise your hands. Dilbert: All I could get was a fake buy-in. Boss: That's the only kind there is.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 11, 1989's comic on:


Tags #Dogbert, #Dilbert, #perpetual motion club, #hand, #secret, #handshake

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Dogbert asks Dilbert, "How was your first meeting with the 'Perpetual Motion Club?'" Dilbert replies, "Great! I learned the secret handshake tonight." Dilbert sticks his hand out and says, "You stick your hand out and spin it around like this." Dogbert asks, "Then what?" Dilbert replies, "Then you just keep on doing it forever." Dogbert says, "That explains why you keep it secret."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 27, 1989's comic on:


Tags #Dogbert, #Dilbert, #sneeze, #hand, #mouth

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Dogbert runs toward Dilbert yelling, "Quick, quick! Give me your hand!!!" Dogbert sneezes violently. Dilbert looks at his hand as Dogbert says, "Thanks . . . I always put a hand over my mouth when I sneeze."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 27, 1989's comic on:


Tags #Dogbert, #Dilbert, #hand, #cleaning, #paws, #lawyer, #charming, #insult, #help, #animals

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Dilbert holds a can of furniture polish and a polishing cloth. Dogbert says, "Doing a little cleaning? Let me give you a hand . . ." Dogbert looks at his paws and says, "Wait . . . I can't lend a hand; all I have are these little paws." Dilbert says, "You'd make a good lawyer." Dogbert says as he walks away, "Charming . . . I offer to help and he insults me."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 23, 1990's comic on:


Tags #Dilbert, #Dogbert, #boss, #job, #sez, #raise, #bench, #outside, #project, #stupid

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Dilbert, Dogbert and a man sit on a park bench. The man says, ". . . So then I sez to my boss, 'You can just stuff this stupid project . . .'" The man continues, "Then I sez, 'Let's see YOU do this job.' And I sez, 'I should get a raise.' I gotta go." Dogbert says, "The more they sez 'I sez,' the less likely it is they really said what they sez they said."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 09, 1990's comic on:


Tags #Dilbert, #bank, #ethel, #hand, #combat, #serious, #automated, #teller, #machine, #encouraging

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Dilbert stands at a teller window at the Bank of Ethel. The teller says, "I cannot allow this withdrawal . . ." The woman continues, "Unless you defeat me in hand to hand combat." Dilbert arrives at home with a bandage on his head and his arm in a sling. Dilbert tells Dogbert, "They seem pretty serious about encouraging the use of their automated teller machines."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 17, 1991's comic on:


Tags #Dogbert, #chihuahua, #ratbert, #clapping, #hand, #sprained, #brain, #hand clapping, #animal behavior

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Dogbert says, "Your Chihuahua disguise is good, Ratbert, but you must also learn to THINK like a Chihuahua." Dogbert continues, "To think like a Chihuahua, imagine the sound of one hand clapping." Ratbert yells, "Ouch! I sprained my brain! Yip yip yip yip yip!!!" Dogbert says, "Good, good . . ."