Random Statements Comic Strips - Page 3

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

69 Results for Random Statements

View 21 - 30 results for random statements comic strips. Discover the best "Random Statements" comics from Dilbert.com.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 27, 2000's comic on:


Tags #random drug tests, #unpleasent, #offer free cashews, #Charlie Brown

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert reaches for a cup as a Doctor says, "We know these random drug tests are unpleasant for employees." The Doctor holds out a dish and says, "That's why we offer free cashews." Dilbert says to Dogbert, "Suddenly I thought of Charlie Brown but I don't know why."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 25, 2001's comic on:


Tags #tour of accounting, #random number geneartor, #randomness

View Transcript

Transcript

Headline: Tour of Accounting. Dilbert is wiping spit off of himself with a towel. A troll tour guide says, "Over here we have our random number generator." The troll places its hands on a slab of rock and relays the message of "nine nine nine nine." Dilbert asks, "Are you sure that's random?" The troll responds, "That's the problem with randomness. You can never be sure."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 27, 2002's comic on:


Tags #management decision, #too distarcted, #make informed decison, #random, #no answer

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert says to The Boss, "...And that's why I need a management decision." The Boss says, "Hi, Bill!" Dilbert says, "But you are too distracted to make an informed decision, so this will be random." The Boss says, "Bob!" Dilbert says, "And here it comes." The Boss replies, "Would 'No' be an answer to anything you said?"

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 07, 2003's comic on:


Tags #Dogbert, #headhunter, #stock up, #ceo, #random upturns, #make millions, #changing jobs, #legal, #victims

View Transcript

Transcript

Dogbert sits at a desk. He says into the phone, "This is Dogbert the Headhunter. I noticed that your company's stock is up today." Dogbert continues, "As CEO, you can take credit for random upturns and make millions by changing jobs." Dogbert continues, "Ha, ha! Yes, it's legal. In fact, if you write a book, your victims will buy it!"

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 13, 2003's comic on:


Tags #feet off desk, #random mangement, #stock rise, #so random, #commands

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss: "Take your feet off the desk." Dilbert: "Is this an example of random management or do you think it will make our stock rise?" The Boss: "It's up .02%. Heh-heh-heh, not so random after all."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 20, 2004's comic on:


Tags #sycophant school, #agree with superiors, #make statements, #fake smiles, #paid 400x more, #look at faces, #rude, #teaching, #aggressive, #education

View Transcript

Transcript

SYCOPHANT SCHOOL "You must learn to agree with your superiors no matter what they say." "For practice, I'll make statements and you agree. Remember to use your fake smiles." "Statement one: I should be paid 400 times more than you because I have to look at your faces."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 02, 1999's comic on:


Tags #take six months, #time line, #leadership, #made me unmotivated, #foreseen or unforseen, #wally is dysfunctional, #schedule is random, #looks mad

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss points to a board that says, "Time Line." He says, "The project will take six months..." He continues, "Unless there are unforeseen problems." Dilbert raises his hand and says, "Question." Dilbert says to the Boss, "Your leadership has made me unmotivated." Dilbert asks, "Is that considered foreseen or unforeseen?" Dilbert continues, pointing at Wally, "And Wally is dysfunctional on many levels." Wally agrees, "I really am." Dilbert asks, "Was that foreseen? Or are you saying the schedule is random?" Dilbert turns to Alice and says, "He looks mad." Alice says, "I didn't see that coming."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 28, 2005's comic on:


Tags #new guy, #project staus report, #random pharse, #generatormmeail, #listens, #when he's talking

View Transcript

Transcript

"Alice, can you show the new guy how to do a project status report?" "He doesn't read them, so we all use a random phrase generator. I'll e-mail it to you." "You said that in front of him." "He only listens when he's talking."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 13, 2007's comic on:


Tags #internal phone lists, #excellent reasons, #policy, #random policy generator, #suspicious, #not helpful

View Transcript

Transcript

"You're not allowed to have internal phone lists on your wall." "There are excellent reasons for this policy, and I hope to someday know what they are." "They're getting suspicious about the random policy generator." spoit!

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 02, 2007's comic on:


Tags #user interface, #add button, #random changes, #create illusion, #adding value

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss: Why did you add this button to the user interface? Dilbert: You told me to. The boss: Why would I tell you that? Dilbert: You always suggest random changes to create the illusion of adding value. The Boss: Well, remove that button. Dilbert: It's only on your copy."