Re Gifted Comic Strips - Page 3
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Boss: We replaced our entire marketing department with one evil genius. Evil Genius: My optogenic* technology can re-wire the neural pathways of our customers and change their preferences. You like gray. Asok: I like to be gay. *Already works on mice.
Boss: My doctor says he's never seen anyone heal as quickly as me. Dilbert: What do you suppose that means? Boss: Obviously it means I am genetically gifted. Dilbert: Is that the only explanation? Boss: Well, maybe ten percent of it is because of good medical care. Dilbert: Can you think of any other reason at all? Alice: Doctors tell idiots their bodies are magic because it makes them feel special. Dilbert: He would have gotten there. Alice: I don't have that kind of time.
Boss: I need you to help Ted on his project. He seems to be struggling. Dilbert: That would doom two projects - mine would suffer from neglect, and Ted would re-bungle anything I fix. Boss: Maybe Ted can help you on your project. Dilbert: Gaaaaa!!!
wally: our new system installation is a catastrophe. wally: we need to tear it out and re-architect it from scratch. wally: i'm the only person qualified to lead that effort. wally: but given the enormity of the job, i won't do it without a raise or promotion. the boss: weren't you the cause of the catastrophe? wally: exactly: that's why i'm the only person who knows how to fix it. the boss: are you blackmailing me? wally: no, it's nothing like that. the boss: wouldn't i be rewarding you for failure? wally: let's not label it.
Boss: I hear you were being sarcastic about safety. Obviously, you don't take safety seriously, so I have to send you to a safety re-education camp for a week. Dilbert: That will totally fix this problem. Boss: You just bought yourself an extra week.