Recycling Goals Comic Strips - Page 3
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72 Results for Recycling Goals
View 21 - 30 results for recycling goals comic strips. Discover the best "Recycling Goals" comics from Dilbert.com.
Friday September 10,
2010
Tags #cleaning, #janitor, #crime scene, #overalls, #shut down, #assistant, #ratbert, #human body parts, #recycling bins, #frankenstein
Transcript
The Boss says, "We need to shut down our crime scene cleaning division." The Boss says, "Apparently your assistant, Ratbert, has been putting human remains in the recycling bins." Dilbert says, "That's a harmless mistake. What's the worst thing that could happen?"
Sunday October 05,
2008
Tags #powerpoint slide, #hired to identify, #goals of org., #show you sldie, #get paid
Transcript
Dogbert consultant Dogbert says, "I've been hired to identify the most important goals of your organization." Dilbert says, "how will you do that?" Dogbert says, "I'll ask you what they are, and you'll tell me." Dogbert says, "Then I'll put your answers on a PowerPoint slide." Dogbert says, "Next week I'll show you the slide and tell you to focus on your most important goals." Dogbert says, "Then I'll get paid. Because that's MY most important goal." Dogbert says, "WOO-HOO! CHA-CHING! CHA-CHING! CHA-CHING!" Dogbert says, "I lead by example."
Sunday December 12,
2010
Tags #train mailroom guy, #worthjless, #unimportant, #email, #shovel emails, #recycling bins, #clean desk
Transcript
The Boss says, "Wally, I need you to train the new mailroom guy." Wally says, "Why me?" The Boss says, "Because he's unimportant and you're worthless." Wally says, "Okay, I was worried that it was the other way around." Wally says, "All important messages are sent by e-mail." Wally says, "So your job is to shovel all of the regular mail into recycling bins." Wally says, "We won't be paying you, but you can use packages and tape to build your own igloo." Two weeks later The Boss says, "Why is my desk so clean?" Wally says, "You're welcome."
Sunday December 16,
2007
Tags #highest raise, #exceed expectations, #thought possible, #goals higher, #incompetent, #setting goals, #maximum achievement, #choices
Transcript
"The Boss: I can't give you the highest raise because you didn't exceed expectations." Dilbert: "If you thought it was possible for me to exceed my expectations, you would have set the goals higher." "So there are only two possibilities here." "Either you are incompetent at setting goals..." "Or I attained the maximum possible achievement and I deserve the maximum raise." "Which is it?" The Boss: "Can I hear those two choices again?"
Sunday April 10,
2005
Tags #regular goals, #stretch goals, #sacrifice health, #personal life, #criminal conduct, #bonus, #salaries below budget, #ultra stretchy, #employee rights, #taken advantage, #cheat employee
Transcript
"Here are your regular goals and here are your stretch goals." "What's the difference?" "The regular goals can be achieved by sacrificing health and your personal life." "The stretch goals require all of that plus some sort of criminal conduct." "I'm guessing that your boss gave uou the regular goals and you came up with the stretch goals on your own." "That way, When I achieve the regular goals you'll get a raise because I missed the stretch goals." "Then you'll get a bouns for salaries below budget." "Maybe we should talk about the ultra-stretch goals later."
Sunday October 22,
2000
Tags #deliver bad news, #meet goals, #fire an engineer, #sales people, #immoral, #punish engineers, #hole puncher
Transcript
The boss is walking and thinking, "Sometimes a manager must deliver bad news." The boss, behind Dilbert, thinks, "Luckily I enjoy it." The boss says, "Our sales force failed to meet their goals." The boss continues, "So I have to fire an engineer to reduce expenses." Dilbert says, "What?" Dilbert says, "You should fire the incompetent sales people!" Dilber continues, "It's immoral to punish innocent engineers for the sins of sales people! I will fight this all the way!" The boss says, "I'm firing Ted. Not you." Dilbert says, "Fair enough. Can you wait until I borrow his hole puncher?"
Wednesday February 12,
2014
Tags #conversation, #executives, #leadership, #acceptable behavior, #alight goals, #company objectives, #deal directly, #conflict, #maintain positive attitude, #impressive
Transcript
CEO: Who's up for some leadership? Watch me define acceptable behavior, align your goals with company objectives, prioritize respect, deal directly with conflict, maintain a positive attitude, and pretend to care! Wally: That would be impressive. CEO: Settle down, Bilbo.
Thursday February 13,
2014
Tags #deception, #language, #managers & supervisors, #key to leadership, #vague golas, #jargon, #wishful thinking, #dumping work, #whine about goals, #better system, #business
Transcript
Boss: The key to leadership is setting vague goals that are a combination of jargon and wishful thinking. That way, I can keep dumping work on you without hearing you whine that it doesn't fit with your goals. You have to admit, my system is better than whatever you're doing over there. Dilbert: Yup.
Tuesday February 25,
2014
Tags #business ethics, #obliviousness, #million units, #customers happy, #our goals, #their goals, #this quarter
Transcript
CEO: Our goal is to ship a million units this quarter. Dilbert: Do we have any goals that involve making customers happy? CEO: I'm talking about our goals, not their goals. Boss: Totally different.
Thursday February 27,
2014
Tags #cruelty, #frustration, #achieved golas, #secret goals, #set for you, #failed to achieve, #anger, #exact situation
Transcript
Dilbert: I'm happy to report that I achieved every goal you set for me last year. Boss: But you failed to achieve the secret goals I set for you. Dilbert: Why would you have secret goals for me?!! Boss: For this exact situation.