See Guys Die Comic Strips - Page 3
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Dilbert and Wally are eating lunch. Dilbert says, "I told a guy in marketing that I programmed his computer to alter his DNA structure." Wally laughs, "Hee Hee." Dilbert continues, "He thinks he'll turn into some kind of animal." Wally suggests, "Tell him you set it to 'weasel.' It'll take longer to notice any change." The guy in marketing says to Alice, "Tell me the truth, Alice, can Dilbert reprogram my DNA?" Alice responds, "Yeah. You marketing guys only have one helix."
As they walk down a corridor, Alice says to Dilbert, "Maybe you shouldn't have told Stan you programmed his DNA through the LAN." Alice continues, "Those marketing guys believe anything. They even believe market research, for heaven's sake." As Stan approaches, Alice says, "There's no telling what the power of suggestion might do." Stan, whose facial features now resemble those of a weasel, says to Dilbert, "Well, thank you very much."
The boss holds a poster in front of his face. He says to Alice, "My new inspirational poster is so effective that I decided to carry it with me." The Boss asks, "What do you think, Alice? Are you inspired?" Alice replies, "I'd really have to see the front . . ." The boss responds, "Hmm . . . I don't think there's a win-win scenario here." Alice rolls her eyes and walks away saying, "Tell me about it . . ."
Dogbert stands on a woman's desk wearing a gas mask. He says, "I have failed in my attempt to subtly tell you that your perfume is killing people. I will try a direct approach." Dogbert removes the mask and screams, "Hey!! You smell bad!!! B-a-a-a-d!!" Dilbert collapses onto the desk and the woman asks, "Should I give you CPR?" Dogbert says, "No-o-o-o!! Let me die!!"
A woman at a desk tells Dilbert, "Sorry, I don't date guys from work." Dilbert says, "I'll resign . . ." The woman says, "Sorry, I don't date unemployed guys." Dilbert says, "I . . . I'll get a new job . . . One you approve of." The woman says, "Sorry, I don't date guys with your social security number." Back at home, Dilbert sits in his chair and Dogbert sits on the hassock. Dogbert says, "So, it turns out her unlucky number has nine digits in it . . ." Dilbert says, "But she knew my social security number, so I think there's some interest there . . ."
The strip is titled, "Bob the Dinosaur rips the pants off of guys we hate for no reason." Bob says, "Yes!" The caption says, "Guys who wear those little helmets to ride a bicycle." A man wearing a helmet says, "Did a 100 K today." Bob rips his pants off and says, "Safety first!" The man screams. The caption says, "Guys who know actual dance steps." Bob reaches for a man who is dancing. The man screams as Bob rips his pants off. Bob says, "Women love that stuff!" The caption says, "Guys who know wine." A man sitting at a table in a restaurant tastes a glass of wine. He comments, "Fruitty, yet tannic . . ." Bob rips his pants off. He looks at the man's underwear and says, "Flowery, yet polyester!!" The caption says, "Guys who can stop a conversation cold." Dilbert says to two people at a party, "That reminds me of trellis code modulation." Bob reaches for his pants.
Dilbert, Wally and Alice sit at a conference table. The Boss points to a diagram created with an overhead projector and says, "This 3-D colored pie chart shows an unexplained rise in expenses." The Boss continues, "You each get a binder of colored pie charts so you can help find the cause of our rising expenses." Wally asks Dilbert and Alice, "How much do color copies cost?" Dilbert looks at the binder and says, "I think I see it!" Alice says, "It's not the 'magic eye,' Doofus."
Ratbert sits on top of Dilbert's monitor and says, "I've become one of those people who misinterprets everything you say." Dilbert asks, "Why?" Ratbert says, "Why? Are you saying that nothing should ever change? Maybe you shouldn't be so rigid." Dilbert says, "This could be very annoying." Ratbert replies, "Maybe you should see a therapist for your emotional problem."
Dilbert sits at a table with a man. Dilbert says, "We like to ask our applicants some questions that will allow us to see how you think." Dilbert asks, "If you have a five-gallon bucket and a fifty-gallon bucket, how can you tell which one holds more water?" The man beats his head with his fists and says, "Ow! Ow! Ow!" Dilbert says, "When I said, 'See how you think,' what I meant was . . ."
Dilbert and a man sit at a table. Dilbert says, "So tell me . . . Brian . . . Why do you want to work for this company?" The man replies, "Well, to be honest, I don't. I'm using this as a practice interview." Dilbert says, "I guess we're done here." Brian looks at his watch and says, "Hello-o-o!!! It's lunch time and I don't see sandwiches."