Sharing Segment Comic Strips - Page 3
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37 Results for Sharing Segment
View 21 - 30 results for sharing segment comic strips. Discover the best "Sharing Segment" comics from Dilbert.com.
Sunday September 12,
1993
Tags #the boss, #Wally, #Dilbert, #ed, #business meeting, #business project
Transcript
Dilbert and Wally watch the Boss tell Ed, "Nervous Ed, I'm assigning you to a special project." Nervous Ed pulls his tie and replies, "Special assignment? That means you don't have any real work for me." Nervous Ed continues, "Everybody knows that a special assignment is a kiss of death." The Boss continues, "You'll be sharing a cubicle with six other employees who are also on special assignment." Nervous Ed looks scared and thinks, "Don't panic yet . . . Maybe it's something important . . . Maybe it's something that could make an impact." The Boss says, "Your assignment is to improve employee empowerment." Nervous Ed looks shocked. Nervous Ed convulses and faints. Wally tells the Boss, "Thanks for letting us watch." The Boss asks, "Did you like the part about six in the cubicle?"
Saturday July 25,
1998
Tags #management secrets, #earthling, #fulltime aliens, #ufo, #plowed into alp, #sharing skills, #boss and aliens
Transcript
The Boss is naked in a prison tube on an alien spacecraft. Two aliens outside the tube. One says, "Tell us your management secrets, earthling." The Boss responds, "You have too many full-time aliens flying this UFO. Downsize half of them, then roll out the ISO 9001 process." Back in the office, Dilbert and Alice listen as The Boss, who is supported by crutches and has a perplexed look on his face, finishes his story. "...But despite all of my help, they still plowed into a snow-covered alp."
Wednesday October 28,
1998
Tags #dogcart the consultant, #target market, #gullible moron, #commercials, #sincere actor
Transcript
Caption: Dogbert the consultant. Dogbert stands on the conference table. Dogbert holds a pointer. Dogbert says, "Our target market is the gullible moron segment." Dogbert points at a television. Dogbert says, "Our commercials will feature an actor who seems sincere." The actor on the TV says, "I care about the rain forest... and you." A couple sits on the couch and watches TV. The voice from the television says, "I like kittens... and you." The man says, "Wow.. we made it into his top two."
Sunday July 17,
1994
Tags #internet, #al gore, #information superhighway, #share ideas, #blonde jokes, #flirt college women, #chat area, #technology
Transcript
Wally: Can we cut this short? Id like to get back to the information superhighway. The Boss: Sure. Im glad we connected you all to the internet so you can share ideas with colleagues. Wally: yeah, thats right, I want to go share ideas with my colleagues. Dilbert: Do people really share ideas with colleagues? Wally: If I get an idea, Im not sharing. Wally: I think I'll channel over to the internet chat area and flirt with college women. Dilbert: Im still reading through five megs of blonde jokes. Dilbert: I wonder if Al Gore has any idea.... Al Gore: Hey Tipper, heres another good one! hee hee!
Monday June 12,
2000
Tags #employees, #ignorant, #intranet collaboration, #sign it, #their ignorance, #tools, #dogbert consults, #business
Transcript
As a consultant, Dogbert says to the Boss "All of your employees are ignorant." Dobgert continues, "I can fix that by selling you intranet collaboration tools." The Boss says to Dgbert in an uneasy voice, "But if they're sharing their ignorance..." Dogbert thinks to himself, "Sign it, sign it, sign it..."
Tuesday November 29,
2005
Tags #two ceos, #top job, #syockholders, #average employees slaary
Transcript
"After the merger, we'll have two CEOs sharing the top job." "A spokesperson explained 'If our stockholders don't mind paying one CEO 450 times the average employee's salary..." "...They shouldn't mind doing it twice.'"
Wednesday November 30,
2005
Tags #after merger, #job of ceo, #old married couple
Transcript
"After the merger, we'll be sharing the job of CEO." "We get along great, just like an old married couple. Ha ha ha!" "He's the wife."
Thursday August 20,
2009
Tags #asking, #information, #confidential, #joking, #angry, #annoyed
Transcript
the Boss says, "I need you to keep this information to yourself. Can you do that?" Dilbert says, "Well, obviously I'd have to weigh the benefits of sharing it versus the risk of getting caught." Dilbert says, "It's sort of a dumb question if you think about it."
Friday November 22,
2013
Tags #executives, #obliviousness, #project updates, #tedious techno
Transcript
CEO: Thank you for sharing your project updates. I didn't understand any of your tedious tech-yammering, but that doesn't matter. Dilbert: Why doesn't that matter? CEO: It just doesn't.
Saturday July 18,
2015
Going Double Digital
Tags #attention, #distraction, #technology, #watch, #relationships, #dating, #smart phone, #smart watch
Transcript
Tina: I broke up with my boyfriend because we went double-digital. I got used to sharing time with his phone, bu the hasn't made eye contact since he unboxed his Apple watch. Dilbert: Ooh. Weather. Tina: Did you hear anything I just said?
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