Shoot Comic Strips - Page 3

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32 Results for Shoot

View 21 - 30 results for shoot comic strips. Discover the best "Shoot" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 30, 2006's comic on:


Tags #best marketing expert, #resume, #nobel prize, #five olympic medals, #marketing biathlon

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"We need to hire the best marketing expert we can find." "Your resume says you've won the Nobel Prize in marketing, and five Olympic gold medals in the marketing biathlon." "What's a marketing biathlon?" "You ski up to people who won't buy your crap and you shoot them."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 17, 2007's comic on:


Tags #good ideas, #suffer your ideas, #good listener

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The Boss: Alice, I have some good ideas about your project." Alice: GAAA! Why me?" Alice: Why must I suffer your ideas? Why, why, why?! The Boss: You're not a good listener. Alice: SHOOT ME! SHOOT ME! SHOOT ME!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 10, 2010's comic on:


Tags #boss, #stuck, #ductwork, #device, #pressure, #push, #shoot, #foom, #fly into the air, #rocket, #airplane, #hang onto wing, #koi pond

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Dilbert says, "Our device will create enough pressure to gently push our boss's carcass out of the ductwork." FOOM! Captain says, "This is Captain Sullenberger. Don't worry about the wing; I see a koi pond down there."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 01, 2010's comic on:


Tags #victor, #project, #cube, #instructions, #hold piece of paper, #shoot, #press button, #goat head, #transform, #machine

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Dilbert says, "Victor didn't leave us much documentation on his project." FZEEET! Dilbert says, "I guess that's what he meant by 'still working on the goat head issue.'"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 15, 2010's comic on:


Tags #cellphone, #app, #application, #look, #shoot, #head, #pow, #zap, #funny noise, #angry, #wag tail, #trick

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Man says, "Look at this app!" Dilbert says, "Look at this app." Dilbert says, "You said the Dogbert app is supposed to make a funny noise." Dogbert says, "I'll bet it did."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 23, 2009's comic on:


Tags #work, #project, #change, #angry, #frustrated, #stupidity

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The Boss says, "I made some improvements to your drawings and sent them for fabrication." Dilbert says, "Gaaa!!!" The boss says, "But don't worry - I left your name on them so you'll get all of the credit." Dilbert says, "Waaaa!!!" The boss says, "You don't handle good news very well." Dilbert says, "Shoot me! Shoot me! Shoot me!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 18, 2009's comic on:


Tags #sitting, #explaining, #plan, #delivery, #stuck, #arrow

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The Boss says, "I found a less expensive delivery service for our oversees business packages." The boss says, "Find someone who is traveling to the same country as the package, shoot him with a tranquilizer dart, and hide the package under his hat." Carol thinks, "The first day of any new system is always a problem."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 30, 2009's comic on:


Tags #meeting, #question, #ridiculous, #serious, #confused, #annoyed, #vendor, #stupidity, #business

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The Boss says, "Is there any risk that the new software will erase our data?" Dilbert says, "Um?No." The boss says, "Did you ask the vendor that question?" Dilbert says, "Well, no, I?" The boss says, "Then you can't be sure, can you?" Dilbert says, "We outsource our payroll service. The payroll data isn't even on our servers." The boss says, "Isn't everything connected to everything else by the internet?" Dilbert says, "You want me to ask our vendor if his software will hunt down our payroll data from across the internet and try to kill it?" Dilbert says, "And you think he might say yes?" The boss says, "Better safe than sorry." Later that day Man says, "Yes, sometimes it does that. You're the first to ask." Dilbert thinks, "Shoot me."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 19, 2010's comic on:


Tags #meeting, #proposals, #technical, #swivel chair, #front, #intelligence test, #smart, #joke, #monkey, #time, #animals, #business

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The Boss says, "I don't understand either of your technical proposals, and I need to pick one." The Boss says, "Normally I'd use favoritism, but I don't like either one of you." The Boss says, "So I'll give you an intelligence test, and I'll approve the proposal of whoever is the smartest." The Boss says, "If you shoot an arrow at a monkey from an airplane..." The Boss says, "And the monkey throws a coconut at the incoming arrow to stop it, but he misses..." The Boss says, "How can you tell what time it is?" Dilbert says, "There's not enough data." Coworker says, "You look at your watch?" The Boss says, "The correct answer is 'Ask the monkey and hope he doesn't hold a grudge."

Dilbert Won't Kill

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Dilbert Won't Kill - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 01, 2018's comic on:


Tags #morals, #ethics, #self-driving cars, #murder

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Boss: Can you program our self-driving car prototype to drive Ted off a bridge so I don't have to fire him? Dilbert: Just because I have the power to kill a person and leave no evidence whatsoever doesn't meal I'll do it. Boss: He says he won't kill anyone. Alice: Crud! Asok: Shoot! Carol: Dang!