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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 30, 1999's comic on:


Tags #rash o fthefts, #cubicles, #suspect, #fat, #slow witted, #stops short, #naming alice

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The boss reads from a piece of paper at the conferance table. The boss says, "There's been a rash of thefts from cubicles." The boss says, "The subject is described as fat and slow-witted, with pointy hair." The boss says, "The bulletin stops short of actually naming her Alice." Wally and Dilbet both turn to look at Alice.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 14, 2002's comic on:


Tags #medical mel, #needle, #four feet long, #pencil, #javelin champion, #bob short, #shiskabob

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Headline: Medical Mel. Dilbert hears Mel on the phone saying, "...the needle was four feet long and thick as a pencil." Mel's voice continues, "I tried to run but the doctor had been an Olympic javelin champion." Mel's voice continues, "My new nickname at the hospital is Bob - short for Shishkabob." Dilbert covers his ears.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 12, 2002's comic on:


Tags #short timer, #chair, #offcie, #move arms, #retirement, #good example, #piece of work

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The Boss approaches Asok and says, "Asok, go get the short-timer and push his chair to my office." Asok asks, "Is he injured?" The Boss replies, "No, he refuses to move his arms or legs until retirement." Asok is pushing the short-timer's chair and asks, "Are you a good example of what is called a 'piece of work?' The short-timer responds, "Except for the 'work' part."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 13, 2002's comic on:


Tags #short timer, #retiring, #honest feedback, #doing nothing, #create the illusion, #fanatsize, #good enough

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Headline: The Short-timer. The Boss says to the short-timer, "You're retiring soon, so you can give me honest feedback." The short-timer responds, "Wouldn't that be harder than doing absolutely nothing?" The short-timer continues, "How about if I create the illusion of listening while I fantasize about fishing?" The Boss responds, "Good enough."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 14, 2002's comic on:


Tags #short timer, #refuse to leave, #motorized wheel chair, #lift me, #drag to curb

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Headline: The Short-Timer. Asok asks the short-timer, "How will you leave if you refuse to use any major muscle groups until retirement?" The short-timer responds, "I'm hoping someone will buy me a motorized wheelchair and lift me into it." Asok says, "I would be willing to drag you to the curb." The short-timer responds, "Face up?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 12, 2003's comic on:


Tags #cell phone not working, #short range, #same room, #tv remote control

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The Boss stops Wally and Dilbert in the hallway and asks, "Why isn't my cell phone working?" Dilbert responds, "That's a short-range cell phone. You need to be in the same room with the person you call." The Boss, Asok, and Alice are sitting. The Boss has his phone up to his ear. He thinks, "Answer the stinkin' phone, Alice." Asok asks, "Why are listening to a TV remote control?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 26, 2005's comic on:


Tags #writer, #tech term, #dongle, #emailing, #loser

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Carol: "GAAA!!! This writer misused the technical term "dongle." That idiot!" "I'm e-mailing this loser to tell him I plan to boycot the newspaper!" "DIE, LOSER, DIE!!!" "I'll come back later."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 20, 2012's comic on:


Tags #business failures/bankruptcies, #executives, #wages, #long tern survival, #innovate ways, #cannibalize, #current prodcuts, #lose a fortune, #ceo's compensation, #revenue dips, #hovel, #some ideas, #money

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Dilbert: Our only hope for long-term survival is to innovate in ways that cannibalize our current products. The downside is that you'll lose a fortune in CEO compensation when our revenue dips in the short run. CEO: Thanks. I'll stop by your hovel later with some ideas for ruining your life, too.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 02, 2012's comic on:


Tags #cublicle, #hours worked, #judgement, #long term projects, #near term deliverables, #negotiate, #output, #work ethic, #work from home, #holy grail

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Wally: I would like to be evaluated on my output, not the hours I work. Boss: Okay. That sounds reasonable. Wally: It does? Wow. And I'd also like to work at home where there are fewer distractions so I can be more productive. Boss: Okay. That makes sense. Wally: Really? I mean... great! I'd also like to work on long-term projects that have no near-term deliverables. Holy grail, holy grail, holy grail. Boss: Go back to your cubicle and don't leave until five o'clock. Wally: I was this close to retiring at full pay.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 20, 2012's comic on:


Tags #anger, #wages, #ceo motivate, #feeling of engemnet, #long term goal, #engaement, #money

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Boss: Our CEO says I need to motivate you with a feeling of engagement, not higher pay. The long-term goal is to get you to pay us for the privilege of working here. I heard words I didn't know were words. CEO: Try giving her more engagement.