Snap You Into Next Week Comic Strips - Page 3

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

1000 Results for Snap You Into Next Week

View 21 - 30 results for snap you into next week comic strips. Discover the best "Snap You Into Next Week" comics from Dilbert.com.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Dilbert, #Dogbert, #stand-up, #comedy, #competition, #straightforward, #freestyle, #mandatory, #categories, #mattresses

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert says to Dogbert, "I've decided to enter the stand-up comedy competition next week." Dilbert reads a document and continues, "The rules seem pretty straightforward . . . Five minutes per person . . . The first minute is freestyle comedy." Dilbert continues, "The remaining time is for the mandatory categories: Dan Quayle, flatulence, and the warning labels on mattresses."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Dilbert, #Wally, #ted, #cubicle

View Transcript

Transcript

A man says to Dilbert and Wally, "Next week I'll be at my new job, reaping huge rewards." Wally replies, "We're so happy for you." The man says, "But I'll still have a little cubicle like yours." The man continues, "The only difference being that I'll keep a pony there. That way it's close to my office."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #good inertia, #marketing department, #project, #under funded, #uniformed decision, #take blame

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss: How's your project coming along? Dilbert: Its under-funded and doomed. But Ive got some goof inertia going and Im setting the marketing department up to take the blame. The Boss: I feel like I should be doing something here. Dilbert: Ive got you planned to make an uniformed decision next week.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #gerard depardieu, #ceo, #productive work, #overhead transparencies, #exaggerate value, #uglier coworkers, #actors

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss: Our CEO will visit here next week. You all know what to do. Dilbert: we should stop all productive work and create overhead transparencies that exggerate our value. The Boss: and a few of our uglier coworkers will be replaced by actors. Dilbert: As long as its no Gerard Depardieu.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #dignity, #creativity, #precious earth, #blood drive, #three pint minimum

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss, Wally, Dilbert, Alice and a man sit at a conference table. The man says, "This job has taken my dignity, my self-esteem, my creativity and my precious time on this earth." The man continues, "You've taken all I have! There's nothing left to give!!!" The Boss says, "The blood drive is next week. This year it's mandatory . . . And a three-pint minimum."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #tina, #tech worter, #documentation written, #software done

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss says to Tina who is seated at her computer, "Tina, you'll have to have all the documentation written by next week so we can ship it when the software is done." Tina says angrily, "How can I write instructions for something that doesn't exist yet?" The Boss answers, "You'll have to make logical guesses." Tina types on her computer, "If you press any key your computer will lock up. If you call our tech support we'll blame 'Microsoft.'"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #engineer up, #management support, #meeting, #boss ego, #master at work, #promised customer, #full management support, #sales meeting, #business

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert says to the Boss, "I need your full management support in this meeting with sales." The Boss replies, "Just watch the master at work." A man says to the Boss, "I promised a customer a product that we don't make. You need to engineer-up a thousand units by early next week." The Boss asks, "Is Thursday okay?" As they walk away, the Boss says to Dilbert, "Wait until he finds out that Thursday isn't 'early next week.' Hee hee!"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #competition, #control, #deadbeats, #for scuccess, #mangers, #reorganize, #subgroup, #thrown out window, #whiners

View Transcript

Transcript

- How to reorganize for success Put All your deadbeats and whiners in one sub group. Deadbeats: we don't want to be a subgroup. -Give them a project that duplicates work being done by more competent people elsewhere in the company.- Soon, the manager of the competent people will find out you're duplicating his work. Man: You're on my turf Dogbert: Boo hoo - He'll make a play to get your project under his control.- Man: They should be transferred to my control. - Before you transfer the deadbeats. Give them high performance reviews to conceal your treachery Deadbeat: Godlike ? wow! Dogbert: I'll miss you. - In time, the manager who took your losers will fail, this decreasing competition for promotions. AAIIII!! Dogbert: Next week I'll discuss teamwork - the managers obstacle to success.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #body language, #politely tell, #remove watch, #smash watch, #daily planner, #feel good, #act bored, #self heimlich manuever, #kerokian dodge, #instructions

View Transcript

Transcript

"Dogbert's Body Language Update" "Are you hampered by the limits of conventional body language?" "I can help." - How can you politely tell somebody he's babbling? "Babble, Babble." - Remove the offender's watch while he babbles.- "Babble." - Smash the watch with your daily planner. - "Babble." "Whack!" - This won't stop the babble, but it will feel real good for a minute.- "Babble." "Mmm." - Use this position to signal your surrender to the babble.- "Babble." -Next week - the self-Heimlich manuever and the Kervorkian dodge.- "Babble."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #share accomplishments, #created dcoument, #desktop publishing, #two day class, #digitized photos, #color highlights, #multi column, #clip art, #icons, #visual mosaic, #add topic, #some content, #enjoy work

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss, Dilbert, Wally and Alice sit at a conference table. The Boss says, "Let's go around the table and share our accomplishments." Dilbert says, "I created a document this week." Dilbert continues, "But THIS is no ordinary document!" Dilbert explains, "I bought a $500 desktop publishing program and took a two-day class to learn it." Dilbert continues, "I incorporated digitized photos and color highlights in a multi-column page layout!" Dilbert continues, "Clip-art icons are sprinkled liberally around the page to form a visual mosaic!" Dilbert continues, "Next week - God willing - I'll add a topic and some content." The Boss says, "Do you remember when I said you should enjoy your work? I didn't mean it." Dilbert says, "Ooh."