So Many Secrets Comic Strips - Page 3

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

284 Results for So Many Secrets

View 21 - 30 results for so many secrets comic strips. Discover the best "So Many Secrets" comics from Dilbert.com.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #bug in software, #alert, #work many hours, #buy stock in competition, #industry halo effect, #compensation plan

View Transcript

Transcript

Wally sits at his desk thinking, "Whoa . . . I found a huge bug in our new software product." Wally thinks, "I could alert the development team and work many hours of overtime to fix it . . ." Wally thinks, "Or I could surf over to my online brokerage service and buy stock in our competition." Dilbert asks, "Are you going to lunch?" Wally replies, "No, I have to do an analysis." Dilbert walks away thinking, "When Wally works through lunch . . . It's time to buy stock in our competition." Dilbert tells Alice, "Wally's working through lunch!" Alice says, "Quick! To the online brokerage service!" The Boss reads the newspaper and thinks, "Our competition is up ten points on no news. We're up two, maybe from the industry halo effect." The Boss tells Alice and Wally, ". . . Or maybe our new compensation plan is motivating smarter behavior." Wally says, "I think you nailed it."

Top Dilbert Searches

marketing, project, cloud, catbert, leadership, budget, birthday, engineer, time sheet, sales, wally, strategy, dogbert, powerpoint, project management, topper, leader, boss, change, meeting, data, management, mordac

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #dogberts tech support, #many questions, #phone, #understand technology, #bounce around

View Transcript

Transcript

Caption: "Dogbert's tech support" Dogbert sits at a computer and speaks on the phone. Dogbert says, "First I need to ask you many questions." Dogbert says, "Then I will transfer you to someone who will ask you the same questions again." Dogbert says, "We do this to remove any hope you might have had that we understand technology."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #process will fail, #everything, #plan work, #many tools, #conference call

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert sits at a table with another man (Ted). Dilbert looks at a piece of paper and says, "You're suggesting a process that will fail even if we do evrything right." The man says, "When can you start?" Dilbert says, "Listen carefully. No amount of skill or effort can make this plan work." The guy says, "No pain, no gain." Dilbert says, "you're not working with many tools here, are you?" The man says, "We need some sort of conferance call."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #many tasks, #better, #never born, #technically true, #slap later

View Transcript

Transcript

Asok reports at a meeting: "I performed many tasks, but I can not claim any accomplishments." He continues: "Because things might have turned out better had I never been born." He turns to Dilbert: "Technically, it's true." Dilbert tells Asok: "Remind me to slap you later."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #secretary works harder, #paid less, #many like you, #kill boss eventually, #fewer bosses

View Transcript

Transcript

Carol says to the Boss, "I work harder than you. Why do I get paid a fifth of what you make?" The Boss answers, "That's because there are many people like you but few people like me." Carol replies, "Maybe that's because the people like me eventually kill the people like you."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #saved money, #hired guy, #unlucky, #many problems, #ex boyfreind, #sobers up

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss introduces a new employee to Dilbert, "We saved money by hiring a guy who's had many personal problems." The Boss continues, "But we're sure he was just unlucky. No one would invite that many problems into his life." The new employee's cell phone rings. The new employee says into his cell phone, "Yes, of course your ex-boyfriend can stay with us until the choppers leave and he sobers up."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #toxic tom, #new coworker, #potatoe, #too many questions

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss introduces a new employee to Dilbert, "Dilbert, meet your new co- worker, Toxic Tom." The Boss continues, "He complained about his last job all through his interview. But he'll be happy here." Once The Boss is gone, Toxic Tom says to Dilbert, "He says he thinks you're stupid because you ask too many questions."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #management retreat, #hawaii, #how many employees, #down size, #pay of trip, #against helicopter ride

View Transcript

Transcript

The boss: "The management retreat in Hawaii was productive." "We calculated how many employees we needed to downsize to pay for the trip." Ted: "Don't blame me, Ted. I voted against the third helicopter ride."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #too many managers, #aspect manager, #corproaret objective, #morale aspect, #bad coice, #dread

View Transcript

Transcript

CEO: "We have too many managers, so I'm making you an aspect manager." "You'll be in charge of one aspect of a corporate objective." The Boss: "Please just fire me." CEO: "Your aspect will be morale."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #how many quarters, #in a year, #board meeting, #sound smart

View Transcript

Transcript

The boss: I forgot how many quarters are in a year. Carol: two Unless its a leap year: then you have two quarters plus a penny, The boss; Maybe I'll say that at the board meeting to sound smart. Carol: Im free.