Speak Frankly Comic Strips - Page 3
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Dilbert: ... then we can do the load testing and... Boss: I'm invoking the right of imperious interruptus. In layman's terms, it is the right of all bosses to hijack the conversations of subordinates. I will now turn my back to you and speak with Alice as if you don't exist. Do not leave. Do not chime in, just awkwardly stand there. CEO: Imperious interruptus! Behold my power to make two underlings stand awkwardly while I hijack this conversation! Have you heard my speech about how we're not level conscious at this company?
Dogbert: This is Dogbert's tech support. How many I abuse you? Boss: I think my digital modem is broken. Dogbert: Please hold while I pretend to be testing it. Okay, it looks fine from here. The problem must be in your wiring. You'll have to rip out all of the wiring in your entire house to locate the problem. Boss: Are you sure? Because the lights on the modem aren't even on. Dogbert: That means you have moisture on your internal wiring. You'll also need to replace all of your plumbing and get a new roof. Boss: May I speak with your supervisor? Dogbert: Sure. But he sounds exactly like me.
Boss: Did you get the email I texted to you? Co-worker: What? That doesn't even make sense. What the heck is wrong with you? Dilbert: Let it go. He slips in and out of understanding basic technology. Boss: Do we have enough room in the cloud for Skype? Because if we don't, we can store some files on the wi-fi. Dilbert: I got this. We have plenty of space because we upgraded to a cumulonimbus cloud. Boss: Very good. Moving on.
Dilbert sits in his chair and Dogbert sits on Dilbert's legs. Dilbert says, ". . . But I wasn't always a conservative engineer-type." Dilbert continues, "I was quite the little rebel when I was a kid." The caption says, "Flashback." A young Dilbert sits at the table thinking, "Potato salad again? I've GOT to speak out on this issue."
Dilbert stands in front of a woman's desk. The woman says, "Well . . . I would date you . . ." The woman continues, "But frankly I think of you as a boring and unattractive blob of organic matter . . ." The woman concludes, "So let's just be friends."
Dilbert and Dogbert sit at the table. Dilbert says, "When I was a kid I threw spitballs at girls to show I liked them." Dilbert continues, "Now I just grovel and beg for dates." Dilbert concludes, "Frankly, the old way was more satisfying."
A scientist points to a cage and says, "Here we have a lab rat, specially bred to be susceptible to peer pressure." The scientist holds out a beer and asks the rat, "How about a brewski?" The rat replies, "I don't drink." The scientist says, "All the cool rats drink beer." The rat replies, "Okay." The professor says, "Of course, there's more to science than just hurting animals, but frankly it's the part I like best." The rat lies on his back drinking the beer.
Dilbert lies on a couch in a psychiatrist's office. The therapist says, "Frankly, I'm tired of hearing your little problems . . ." The psychologist says, "I hate my job . . . I haven't had a decent date in a year . . . My biological clock is ticking away . . ." Dilbert asks, "Would it be unethical to date one of your patients?" The doctor replies, "Yes, especially an ugly one."
Dogbert sits across from a desk and says, "I've decided to become a pop psychologist. I need your help to make my lecture video." A man in sunglasses replies, "You came to the right place, babe. First, you need a new look." Dogbert is wearing a pony tail of false hair and a pointed brassiere. Dogbert says, "Nice try, but frankly, this look didn't work too well for Madonna either."