Stopped Talking Comic Strips - Page 3
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Dogbert sits behind a large desk. He says to a potential investor, "As you know, past performance is no indication of future performance." Dogbert continues, "So my strategy is to use your entire investment for my personal expenses and see what happens." The investor says, "Has that strategy ever worked before?" Dogbert says, "Geez, it's like I'm talking to a wall here."
The girl with several piercing holds Dilbert's arm and says, "When I saw you wear a bathrobe to work, I knew you were a rebel." The girl says, "From now on, when you come upon a group of us cool rebels, we won't suddenly stop talking." Dilbert and the girl walk up to two heavily pierced men. One of the pierced rebel men says, "But if I'M right and yellow IS a flavor, I get to hammer a nail into YOUR skull."
Alice is at her computer and the boss says: "Alice, I've been asked to counsel you about your abuse of co-workers." The boss says: "The theory is that I can alter your personality by talking to you." Alice grinds her teeth and shakes her fists in the air while the boss says: "If you feel a tingle, that's probably your DNA changing."
The Boss and Ted are walking together, carrying their briefcases. Ted says: "Let me do all the talking to the customer." The Boss replies: "Check!" The Boss, Ted, and the customer are sitting at a table. The Boss says to the customer: "You'd better make up your mind fast. We plan to discontinue that product any day." Walking back from the meeting, the Boss says to Ted, who is turned away from the Boss and looks angry, "Well, excuse me for trying to fill a lull in the conversation."
Catbert, standing on The Boss' desk, says to The Boss, "You can compensate for your lack of knowledge by talking too much." Catbert says to The Boss, "And don't be limited by society's expectation that you be interesting." The Boss says, "Sometimes I like to sit quietly and think up ideas." Catbert says, "Nothing good can come from that."
Catbert and Dilbert watch The Boss who is in a coma at his desk. Catbert says, "A manager's brain is like a pump. If it becomes empty you must prime it." Catbert says to Dilbert, "Whatever he learns first will form the foundation for all of his future perceptions." Catbert points at Dilbert and says to The Boss, "This guy has been talking smack about you." The Boss begins to come to, saying, "Unh..."
The Boss sits at the head of the conference table. He says, "It's not enough to 'serve' our customers..." The Boss continues, "We must DELIGHT them!" Alice asks, "You mean we have to stop price-gouging?" The Boss replies, "No, I think we can still do that." Wally raises his hand and says, "Ooh! Ooh!I know!" Wally continues, "We could stop selling products with known defects." The Boss shouts, "I'm talking about products, not customers!!" Wally turns to Dilbert and Alice and asks, "Do you feel like delighting customers?" Dilbert replies, "I barely have the empathy to pity them."
Dilbert and Wally stand drinking coffee and talking. Wally asks, "What's the ratio of work to gabbing that is still considered 'work'?" Dilbert replies, "I'd have to say one-in-eight, maybe one-in-nine." Wally agrees, "Sounds right." Dilbert pauses and asks, "Does talking about work count as work?" Wally replies, "Well, I'm not enjoying it."
The troll sits at its computer. Dilbert asks, "Were you always a troll?" The troll responds, "No, this happened when I came to accounting." The troll continues, "First my hair fell out. Then I stopped going to the gym." Dilbert responds, "You have horns and a tail." The Troll replies, "When I realized I had a look going, I just went for it."
Dilbert is sitting at his computer. The Boss approaches from behind and says, "My home phone turns into a talking clock after midnight." Dilbert turns slightly. The Boss continues, "Yeah, I didn't believe it either until Wally taught me how to use it." The Boss is at home. A voice from his phone yells, "It's 3:14 in the morning you #%*!* idiot!" The Boss thinks to himself, "Yup."