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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 09, 1999's comic on:


Tags #boss acts bull, #fast, #pointy haired, #rodeo clown, #woo hoo, #taunts boss, #employee, #new hire

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The rodeo clown runs after the boss and says, "wah-wah! Woo-Woo!" The rodeo clown sticks his tongue out and waves his hands around. The boss snorts and charges like a bull, his hair like horns. The rodeo clown pulls himself out of the way using a cubicle wall. Wally and Dilbert watch over the walls of thier cubicle. Dilbert says, "Just as I suspected, the new guy is a rodeo clown." Wally says, "he's fast."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 02, 2000's comic on:


Tags #stay at job, #easy commute, #risk everything, #fast paced start up, #yakking, #ipo

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At home, Dilbert asks Ratbert: "Should I stay at my current job where the commute is easy?" He continues: "Or should I risk everything and join a fast paced start-up company?" Bob the Dinosaur appears and says: "I joined a fast-paced start-up company while you were yakking." Ratbert joins in with: "Mine went IPO."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 23, 2000's comic on:


Tags #key to success, #really fast, #speed, #ok to fail

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Pointing to a picture of a man running, the Boss says to his staff "Speed is the key to success." Dilbert raises his hand and asks, "Is it okay to do things wrong if we're really fast?" The Boss answers, "Um...no." Wally says to Dilbert, "Now I'm all confused. Thank you very much."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 07, 2001's comic on:


Tags #creep, #super powers of creep, #sexy, #oomp, #flirt with alice, #creep and alice

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The feature creep Creep: Being a feature creep is like having a super power. Thats what makes me so sexy. Alice: comp Creep: That romp sound just bought you a new feature, missy,

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 28, 2002's comic on:


Tags #last kid picked, #team sports, #school, #two people, #super power, #breakroom, #coffee break, #education

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Asok and Wally are at the coffee machine. Wally says to Asok, "In school, I was always the last kid picked to be on a team." Alice enters and says, "I need two people right now. I'll take Asok and.. I'll keep looking." Asok asks Wally, "So it's like a super power?" Wally replies, "Pretty much."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 19, 2003's comic on:


Tags #100 hrs a week, #ask for raise, #top secret facilit, #super genius, #resume, #honest, #take one, #know one

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An interviewee says to The Boss, "If you hire me, I'll work a hundred hours a week and never ask for a raise!" The interviewee continues, "I went to school at a top-secret facility for super geniuses; that's why it's not on my resume." The Boss says to Catbert, "And I'm sure it's all true because he says he's honest!" Catbert replies, "Apparently it doesn't take one to know one."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 19, 2004's comic on:


Tags #real estate, #sell house, #agent, #doesn't know maybe, #moving fast, #control process, #escrow closes

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Dilbert: "Maybe I should sell this house and get a newer one." Dogbert: "I'll be the real estate agent." Dilbert: "I said maybe." Dogbert: "A good real estate agent doesn't know the meaning of that word." Dilbert: "Things are moving too fast. I've lost control of the process." Dogbert: "Pack your stuff, waffler. Escrow closes in ten days."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 01, 2005's comic on:


Tags #evil director, #himan resources, #downsized, #free dvd, #live off land, #shoplifting, #running fast

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Catbert: Evil Director of Human Resources "Don't worry about being downsized after the reorganization." "Downsized employees will get my free DVD that teaches you how to live off the land." "The key to successful shoplifting is running very fast."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 28, 2013's comic on:


Tags #technological singularity, #robots, #program themsleves, #super intelligent species, #competes with humans, #resources, #laws

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Robot: Im looking forward to something called the technological singularity. Thats when roots will learn to program themselves and become a super intelligent species that competes with humans for limited resources. Dilbert: Luckliy, the three laws will prevent you from hurting us. Robot: Yes, because that is totally a real thing.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 11, 2008's comic on:


Tags #sensitive material, #interoffice, #topsecret, #moron, #security department, #slap hard, #run fast

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Ted: Your most sensitive materials should always be sent in an interoffice envelope marked 'top secret. Dilbert: Are you a moron who works in our security department, or an industrial spy who is too lazy to look through lots of envelopes? The boss: Our security guys don't slap that hard or run that fast.