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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 07, 2012's comic on:


Tags #boss, #telling how to do job, #priorities, #reports, #email, #suggestions

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Boss: Stop telling Tina how to do her job. You're not her boss. Dilbert: I was just helping out because her boss has his priorities all backward. Boss: She reports to me. Dilbert: I'll email your boss some suggestions for fixing you.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 28, 2012's comic on:


Tags #fee, #how the future works, #portfolio, #retirement planning, #understanding future

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Dogbert's retirement planning service Dogbert: My fee is 10% of your portfolio per year. Employee: Sounds reasonable. Dogbert: None of my clients understand how the future works.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 06, 1990's comic on:


Tags #pig, #capitalism, #process, #mud, #making, #communism, #elbonian, #elbonia, #Politics, #Dilbert

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An Elbonian asks Dilbert, "How do we know you came to Elbonia just to teach us capitalism?" Another man says, "Yeah . . . Maybe you came to steal our secret process for making mud!!" Dilbert asks, "Dirt and water?" As Dilbert stands in the distance, an Elbonian says, "He knows . . ." The pig says, "We'll have to kill him."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 04, 1991's comic on:


Tags #Dilbert, #Dogbert, #armchair, #students, #attendants, #gas, #station

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Dilbert sits in his chair and Dogbert stands on the hassock. Dogbert says, "I've decided to open a vocational training school." Dilbert asks, "For whom?" Dogbert replies, "Self-service gas station attendants." Dilbert asks, "You mean, students will pay you to teach them how to sit and do nothing?" Dogbert replies, "It makes you wonder why nobody is already doing it."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 05, 1991's comic on:


Tags #Dogbert, #aspiring, #gas, #station, #transferred, #career, #congress, #fotomat

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Dogbert stands in front of several men and says, "Welcome to Dogbert's School for aspiring Self-Service Gas Station Attendants." Dogbert continues, "I will teach you how to sit in a little building and do nothing." Dogbert continues, "These same skills can be transferred to a career in Congress or Fotomat." A student says, "Really? Fotomat?!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 20, 1991's comic on:


Tags #Dilbert, #Dogbert, #turtle, #pet, #teach, #tricks, #roll, #back, #die

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Dilbert sits in his chair reading the newspaper. Dogbert asks, "Do you mind if I get a turtle for a pet?" Dilbert replies, "That sounds cute. Maybe you can teach it to do tricks." Dogbert asks a giant turtle, "Can you do any tricks?" The turtle replies, "I can roll on my back and die."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 10, 1991's comic on:


Tags #Dogbert, #fred, #driving, #school, #quick, #crash course, #educational, #system

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A man stands behind a counter. The sign behind the clerk says, "Fred's Driving School: learn to drive in just five minutes." Dogbert approaches the counter and asks, "How can you teach driving in just five minutes?" The man replies, "It's a crash course."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 07, 1993's comic on:


Tags #Dilbert, #Dogbert, #school, #technology, #imbeciles, #automatic, #bank, #machines, #microwave, #ovens, #video, #recorders, #cd players, #vcr

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Dilbert sits in his chair and Dogbert stands on the hassock. Dogbert says, "I'm going to open a school for people who are technology imbeciles." Dogbert continues, "I'll teach people how to use automatic bank machines, microwave ovens, video recorders, CD players, that sort of thing . . ." Dogbert sits at a desk labeled "Imbecile Admissions." A little boy holds his father's hand and says, "I thought he was reasonably bright until we got the VCR . . ." Dogbert replies, "They can fool you."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 21, 1993's comic on:


Tags #the boss, #alice, #worklife balance, #company

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Alice stands in front of the Boss's desk and says, "I'm working too many hours . . . I never spend time with my family." The Boss holds up a brochure and replies, "The company cares. That's why we've developed a program to teach you how to cope." Alice reads the pamphlet, "Celibacy and adoption - the choice for the nineties."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 10, 1993's comic on:


Tags #the boss, #alice, #Dilbert, #seminar

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The Boss says to Dilbert and Alice, "I found a seminar that will teach fire-walking as a way to build confidence." The Boss continues, "Each of you will have to walk barefoot over burning coals while I watch!" Dilbert asks, "But amazingly, we learn how to do it without injury, right?" The Boss replies, "No, that seminar costs a lot more."