Torture Fish Comic Strips - Page 3

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51 Results for Torture Fish

View 21 - 30 results for torture fish comic strips. Discover the best "Torture Fish" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 27, 2014's comic on:


Tags #analogies, #creativity, #haters, #ideas, #trapped ideas, #attract haters, #zombies to fish syicks, #analogy, #great ideas

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Dilbert: My best ideas are trapped in my head. Whenever I voice my ideas, I attract haters like zombies to fish sticks. Wally: IS that analogy one of your great ideas? Dilbert: I don't like the way you asked that.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 21, 2011's comic on:


Tags #anxiety, #mobile (cell) phones, #telephones, #rings after 4pm, #caller id blocked, #ignore call, #email, #horrible issue, #hate life, #torture coworker

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Noise: Ring. Dilbert: Uh-oh. It's never good when my phone rings after 4 pm. Caller ID is blocked. Someone must know that I would ignore the call if I knew who it was. If it weren't urgent, it would be email. This must be some sort of horrible issue that will cause me to work all night. It stopped. There's still a chance that I'll be okay unless my cell phone... Noise: Bzzzz. Dilbert: GAAAA!! I hate my life! Alice: You're right. That was funny. Wally: Now I'll text him.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 10, 2012's comic on:


Tags #competition (psychology), #fish & aquatic mammals, #complaints, #shark, #doplphon, #robot, #patrol, #waters

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Boss: I'm hearing some complaints that you built a robot shark to patrol the soc-called territorial waters around your cubicle. Alice: It's a robot dolphin. I can see how people might be confused. I need you to smile more. Shark: Whatever.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 27, 1989's comic on:


Tags #Dilbert, #Dogbert, #fishing, #water-ski, #brain, #equipment, #strength, #Sports

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Dilbert sits on the bank of a stream and casts a fishing pole into the water. Dilbert says to Dogbert, "It's just man against fish out here, my friend." Dilbert continues, "Although it's a bit of a mismatch, with my superior brain, equipment and strength." Dogbert stands on the bank and says, "Boy, all that and he can water-ski, too."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 20, 1990's comic on:


Tags #Dilbert, #fishing, #worms, #wasted step, #wasted, #step, #ate

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Dogbert sits on his pillow thinking, "People catch worms to go fishing." Dogbert thinks, "People eat fish that just ate worms." Dogbert thinks, "There is definitely a wasted step here."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 16, 1990's comic on:


Tags #bradley, #Dilbert, #valid, #analyst, #witch, #finances, #accounting, #budget report

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Witch: So... You've come to the accounting department for an explanation of the budget report, aye? Unchain him, Bradley. Normally we would torture and kill you for questioning our report. Dilbert: But you realized that my questions are valid? Witch: No. I'm promoting Bradley. You're my new analyst.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 29, 1992's comic on:


Tags #Dilbert, #lie, #detector, #flushed, #goldfish, #abe lincoln, #president, #mistakes

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Dogbert attaches wires to Dogbert's paws and head and says, "This lie detector will determine if you flushed my goldfish." Dilbert asks, "Name?" Dogbert answers, "Abe Lincoln." Dilbert asks, "Occupation?" Dogbert answers, "President." Dilbert asks, "Did you kill my fish?" Dogbert replies, "No." Dogbert says, "Lie detectors never make mistakes, do they?" Dilbert looks at the printout and says, "Uh . . . No, Mister President."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 29, 1993's comic on:


Tags #Dogbert, #device, #satellites, #broadcasters, #illegal, #sell, #electronic, #fishing, #lure, #hijack, #hat, #Dilbert

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Dogbert says to a store clerk, "I'm looking for a device that will allow me to take over the satellites of all the major broadcasters." The salesclerk winks as he says, "It would be illegal to sell something like that. But maybe you'd be interested in an electronic fishing lure instead." The salesman continues winking as he says, "Fish can't resist the 'Hijack 3000' lure. And it comes with its own stupid-looking hat!" Dogbert says, "Clever."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 27, 1993's comic on:


Tags #Dilbert, #elbonia, #elbonian men, #presentation, #quality management

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Dilbert points to a visual aid and says, "The fishbone diagram helps identify the root cause of problems." Dilbert continues as three Elbonians listen, "In your case, the root problem seems to be that you're a nation of imbeciles . . ." An Elbonian says, "True, but YOU'RE the one who had to draw a dead fish to figure it out." Another man says, "You're in the club! Here's your hat."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 02, 1994's comic on:


Tags #chicken to dinosaur, #vegatables, #vegetarian

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Dilbert: "Would you like some chicken, Bob?" "I told you I'm a vegetarian. I eat vegetables." "How about fish? Do you eat fish?" "Fish are not vegetables." "How about clams? Do you eat clams?" "No, but you're starting to look good."