Tracking Database Comic Strips - Page 3

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View 21 - 30 results for tracking database comic strips. Discover the best "Tracking Database" comics from Dilbert.com.

Fbi Has Been Tracking Asok

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Fbi Has Been Tracking Asok - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 01, 2016's comic on:


Tags #terrorism, #terrorist, #radicalization, #extremism, #frustration, #manager, #leader, #fbi

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Man: We've been tracking an accused terrorist named Asok. We believe he was radicalized here. Woman: What did you do to him? Boss: Leadership? Man: Yup. That's the top cause.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 01, 1994's comic on:


Tags #dogberts tech support, #online data base, #compatible, #computer, #software, #red blotches, #poison ivy, #technology, #engineering

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DOGBERTS TECH SUPPORT Dogbert sits at a desk using a computer. He says into the phone, "According to my online database, our product isn't compatible with your computer." Dogbert continues, "It's also incompatible with all other computers and all other software including our own." Dogbert continues, "And those red blotches on your hands - that's because our box is made of poison ivy."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 09, 1995's comic on:


Tags #saint dogbert, #land of cubicles, #demons, #computer guru, #data base concepts, #monster, #dispatched, #actual code

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The caption says, "Saint Dogbert enters the Land of Cubicles searching for the demons of stupidity." Dogbert walks down the hall wearing a bishop's miter and holding a scepter. The caption says, "Suddenly he finds an over-promoted computer guru spouting useless database concepts." A man sits at a conference table with two glassy-eyed co-workers. The man says, "You'd be fools to ignore the boolean anti-binary least-square approach." The caption says, "The monster is dispatched to the dark world by the sight of its most feared object." Dogbert stands on the conference table holding a document in front of the man. Dogbert says, "Look! Actual code!" The man's head melts into his shirt and a co-worker says, "Cool!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 17, 1995's comic on:


Tags #sql data base, #trade magazine, #data base, #color, #mauve

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The Boss stands behind Dilbert's desk and says, "I think we should build an SQL database." Dilbert thinks, "Uh-oh." Dilbert thinks, "Does he understand what he said or is it something he saw in a trade magazine ad?" Dilbert asks, "What color do you want that database?" The Boss answers, "I think mauve has the most RAM."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 28, 1996's comic on:


Tags #building databse, #coffee mugs, #poor processes, #probelm, #slogan on mugs, #project team

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The Boss, Wally, Dilbert and Alice sit at a conference table. The Boss asks, "You haven't heard what the problem is yet; how can you recommend building a database to solve it??" Wally says, "We always build a database." Dilbert says, "And we'll need coffee mugs for the project team." The Boss says, "The PROBLEM is that we have poor processes." Wally responds, "That could be the slogan on our mugs!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 17, 1996's comic on:


Tags #computer support, #elbonian data base, #expensive consultant, #five hundred dollars, #meeting, #business

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The Boss, Alice, Ratbert, Wally and Dilbert sit at a conference table. The Boss says, "We're going to replace our computer support systems with the Elbonian database product." The Boss gestures toward Ratbert and continues, "It's risky, but don't worry. I've hired an outrageously expensive consultant who has never done this before." Ratbert says to Wally, "I earned five hundred dollars just coming to this meeting. How's YOUR day going?" Wally replies, "It won't make my top ten."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 21, 1996's comic on:


Tags #ntern, #elbonian data base, #installing, #bad movies, #password

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Ratbert sits at a desk. Asok stands behind him and asks, "I am only an intern, but may I make a suggestion?" Asok says, "The Elbonian database system you're installing for our company will never work . . . Unless I rewrite the entire thing with just six keystrokes . . . Done." Ratbert says, "I thought this was only possible in bad movies." Asok says, "Hey, let's hack into NATO's system. I can guess their password in three tries."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 21, 1993's comic on:


Tags #Dogbert, #digital, #dating, #service, #loser, #velveeta, #digitize, #picture, #hair, #nose, #tan, #photoshop

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Dogbert sits at a desk in front of a sign that says "Dogbert's Digital Dating Service." A man enters and says, "I'm a loser. Sign me up." Dogbert aims a camera at the man and says, "Say 'Velveeta.'" The man smiles. Dogbert sits at a computer and says, "Now we digitize your picture for the database." Dogbert says, "I could add some digital hair." The man replies, "Good idea." Dogbert says, "Maybe I should bob your nose and give you a tan." The man says, "That's fair." Dogbert asks, "Whiten teeth? Smooth wrinkles? Hide stomach? Thicken lips?" The man replies, "Yes" to all of his questions. The man looks at the final photo and says, "I look like Sandra Bernhard." Dogbert replies, "Yeah, but you have to admit it improves your odds."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 05, 1993's comic on:


Tags #Dilbert, #Dogbert, #juan, #hr

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Dilbert sits in his chair and Dogbert stands on the hassock holding a stack of documents. Dogbert says, "I'm building a permanent file of all the stupid things you say." Dilbert replies, "At least it's only a few pages long." Dogbert says, "This is just the table of contents." Dogbert continues, "The full database will be compressed on CD ROMS." Dogbert points to a man and says, "I hired Juan and his crew to design the system and type in the data." Juan says, "We're working overtime." Juan continues, "The new computer center is done . . . We had to level the neighbor's garage." Dilbert asks Dogbert, "By any chance, are you still upset that I asked you to fetch my slippers?" Dogbert asks Juan, "Did you get that one?" Juan writes on his clipboard and replies, "I'll need to hire more people."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 31, 1995's comic on:


Tags #boss idea, #email system, #stupid idea, #universe, #debate is futile, #nuclear power, #good or evil

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Dilbert and Wally sit at a table. The Boss enters the room and says, "I've got an idea!" Dilbert and Wally think, "We're doomed." The Boss asks, "Why can't we run our inventory database over our e-mail system?" Dilbert thinks, "Fact: that is the stupidest idea in the universe." Wally thinks, "Fact: his comprehension is so limited that debate is futile." Dilbert and Wally both think, "Fact: we could spend hours unsuccessfully explaining why it's a stupid idea." Dilbert and Wally think, "Fact: he would never know if we used his idea or not." Dilbert says, "No problem." Wally says, "We'll get right on it." The Boss walks away thinking, "My work is done." Wally tells Dilbert, "Stupidity is like nuclear power; it can be used for good or evil." Dilbert adds, "And you don't want to get any on you."