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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 22, 1995's comic on:


Tags #black outs, #lights, #motion detectors, #hired a temp, #walk around, #go off, #another journalism major, #waste, #fan us

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The Boss, Dilbert and Wally sit at a conference table. The Boss says, "We've been having a problem with black-outs. The office lights are controlled by motion detectors." A man stands next to the Boss flapping his arms. The Boss continues, "I hired a temp to walk around and flap his arms so the lights won't go off." Dilbert and Wally watch the temp flap his arms. Dilbert says, "Another Journalism major enters the workforce." Wally says, "It seems like a waste. Maybe he could fan us."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 01, 1995's comic on:


Tags #never time lunch, #men are early, #upgrading pcs, #paid off, #effieciency, #hungry, #secrets

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Dilbert and Wally sit at a table eating lunch. Alice walks over and says, "Why is it that I never have time to eat but you MEN are in here every day at 11:35?" Wally replies, "Because the hours we spent upgrading our PCs have finally paid off by greatly improving our efficiency." After Alice has left the table, Dilbert says to Wally, "I thought it was because we get hungry at 11:30?" Wally replies, "We can't reveal all our secrets."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 17, 1995's comic on:


Tags #sql data base, #trade magazine, #data base, #color, #mauve

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The Boss stands behind Dilbert's desk and says, "I think we should build an SQL database." Dilbert thinks, "Uh-oh." Dilbert thinks, "Does he understand what he said or is it something he saw in a trade magazine ad?" Dilbert asks, "What color do you want that database?" The Boss answers, "I think mauve has the most RAM."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 12, 1996's comic on:


Tags #Catbert, #dierctor, #eliminate sick days, #evil human resources, #too much time off, #use vacation days, #demons of darkness

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Catbert stands on the desk and thinks, "The employees have too much time off. It must be stopped." Catbert waves his arms and shouts, "I summon the demons of Darkness to assist me!!!" Catbert sits on the monitor while Phil, the demon of Heck, says, ". . . Eliminate sick days. Make them use vacation days when they're ill. Call it a 'time bank.'" Catbert says, "It's playful . . . It's cruel . . . I like it."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 24, 1996's comic on:


Tags #bad grammar, #common useage, #entire language, #grunting, #pointing, #ripped off, #dog obedience

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Dilbert lies on the couch reading a magazine and Dogbert sits on the armrest. Dogbert says, "I'm going to use bad grammar more often." Dogbert continues, "My leadership will change the language through the principle of common usage." Dogbert continues, "And I won't stop until the entire language is reduced to grunting and pointing! Buwaha ha ha!!" Dilbert says, "I really got ripped off by that dog obedience school."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 14, 1996's comic on:


Tags #big trade show, #strategic incompetence

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The Boss says, "Alice, I'm putting you in charge of developing our booth for the big trade show." The Boss says, "I picked you because the males in the department have disqualified themselves through a process of strategic incompetence." Alice asks Dilbert, "What is strategic incompetence?" Dilbert replies, "I had that written down someplace, but I lost it."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 15, 1996's comic on:


Tags #trade hsow, #Dogbert, #design, #deluxe booth, #more revenue

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Dogbert and Alice sit at a conference table. Dogbert says, "If you plan to have a booth at the trade show, you need the 'Dogbert Trade-Show Consulting Company' to design it." Dogbert continues, "I recommend the deluxe booth. It's guaranteed to generate the most revenue." Alice asks, "How would the deluxe booth generate more revenue for my company?" Dogbert says, "Oh, suddenly this is about YOUR company?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 17, 1996's comic on:


Tags #consultant, #attractive women, #trade show booth, #rejected idea, #sexist, #demeaning, #increase traffic, #dental floss, #thong bikini dilberts, #business

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Dilbert, Alice, Wally and the Boss sit at a conference table. Alice says, "Our consultant suggested putting attractive women in our booth at the trade show." Alice continues, "I rejected that idea. It is sexist and demeaning. I have a better idea to increase traffic to our booth." Dilbert asks, "What's the dental floss for?" Alice replies, "It's your thong bikini. You'll stand in front of our competitor's booth."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 18, 1996's comic on:


Tags #trade show, #free stuff, #cheap pens, #eye contact, #hit buffet

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The caption says, "At the trade show." Wally asks a man at a booth, "What kind of free stuff do you have?" Wally opens a shopping bag and says, "Cheap pens? That's original. Okay, fill 'er up. But I'm afraid I can't give you any eye contact." Wally walks away holding a bag of free stuff and thinking, "That's enough industry research for today. It's time to hit the buffet."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 19, 1996's comic on:


Tags #trade show, #prodcuts, #defective, #stayed up, #setting booth

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The caption says, "At the trade show." A man asks Alice, "What can you tell me about your products?" Alice replies, "Our products are defective, much like yourself." Alice tells Asok, "I probably shouldn't have stayed up all night setting up the booth." The man asks, "What are you doing later?"