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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 29, 1992's comic on:


Tags #Dilbert, #Dogbert, #science, #tools, #metal detector, #park, #buried, #plates, #jillion, #scientific curiosity, #phone, #numbers, #reproduce

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Dilbert tells Dogbert, "I discovered a new tool for meeting women." Dogbert asks, "A metal detector?" Dilbert says, "Exactly, I'll be nonchalantly using it in the park . . ." Dogbert asks, "And you'll find buried women who have metal plates in their heads?" Dilbert replies, "Don't be ridiculous. The odds of finding a live one are about a jillion to one." Dilbert says, "No, I plan to appeal to women's natural scientific curiosity." Dilbert continues, "They'll stike up conversations about how the metal detector works . . . And where they can buy one." Dilbert continues, "Ooh, I'd better bring a note pad to write down all the phone numbers." Dogbert says, "On one paw, I want to help him. On the other paw, maybe it's better if he doesn't ever reproduce."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 15, 1996's comic on:


Tags #Catbert, #cubicle plan, #densification project, #dignity, #evil director, #human resources, #lower morale, #patented head cubicle, #recycled, #business

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The Boss, Catbert, Wally, Dilbert and Alice sit at a conference table. The Boss says, "Mr. Catbert, our evil director of human resources, will describe our new cubicle plan." Catbert says, "Last year we reduced the size of cubicles in the densification project." Catbert continues, "We didn't save much money, but we did lower morale." Catbert continues, "This year we'll build on that success . . ." Catbert holds a square box and says, "With the patented 'Head Cubicle.'" Catbert lifts the Head Cubicle and says, "Hold still, Wally." Catbert says, "And the head cubicle can be recycled after you're downsized!" The cubicle covers Wally's head. Dilbert, Alice and Wally wear the cubicles on their heads. Alice says, "We really need to draw the line at some point." Dilbert adds, "While we still have our dignity."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 21, 1997's comic on:


Tags #bad clothes, #casula clothes, #Catbert, #evil hr director, #explain logic, #hawaiian shirt, #impact on earnings, #one casual day

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Catbert sits at his computer, prring as he types. He thinks, "Another evil policy. I'm a happy cat." The Boss reads from a memo and says, "Casual clothes will not be allowed this Friday..." The Boss continues, "...Because we had Hawaiian shirt day on Wednesday." Everyone has question marks floating above their heads. Alice says, "Um... can you explain the logic here?" The Boss says, "We're only allowed one casual day per week." Wally says, "Why?" The Boss says, "If we had TWO casual days, obviously it would have an impact on earnings." Wally says, "Does stupidity have an impact on our earnings, too, or just bad clothes?" The Boss says, "We're only sure about bad clothes." Dilbert says, "Alice, you're killing us with that outfit." Alice glares.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 02, 1997's comic on:


Tags #marketing dept, #engineering dept, #other engineers, #careless mistake, #need nets, #rope, #tranquilizer darts, #askengineering

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Marketing Department: A guy walks by a table and says, "Hey! It's a magazine!" He reaches for it. Engineering Department: A loud speaker says, "Danger! A magazine has been discovered in marketing!" Alice looks scared. Alice pokes her head into Dilbert cubicle and says, "Marketing has a magazine!" Dilbert gasps and his hair stands on end. Dilbert heads for the War Room. He says, "Gather the other engineers. We must get that magazine." Alice says, "Check." Dilbert says to Alice, Asok and Wally, "We think is was a careless mistake by someone in the mail department." Dilbert says, "As you know, there is nothing more dangerous than a marketing person with a little bit of knowledge." Dilbert points to a diagram on the dry-erase board. He says, "We know where the magazine will be read. We need nets, rope and traquilizer darts." The marketing guy starts to enter the men's restroom as a darts flies towards his neck. He thinks, "I'll have to ask engineering to build one of these space staions..."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 30, 1997's comic on:


Tags #interesting presentation, #spies, #slides, #new prodcut, #kills mold, #mildew, #software, #placebo effect, #stunned silence, #engineering

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Dilbert and Wally peer around a doorway. Ken stands in the foreground. Dilbert says, "Ken, may we have a word with you?" Wally and Dilbert sit across from Ken at a table. Wally says, "We heard that you gave an interesting presentation at the sales staff meeting." Ken says, "Thanks." Dilbert says, "Our spies gave us copies of your slides." Wally and Dilbert hold up pieces of paper. Dilbert says, "You told them that our new product kills mold and mildew." Ken says, "Won't it?" Dilbert and Wally scream, "WE MAKE SOFTWARE!" Ken says, "So? Haven't you ever heard of the placebo effect?!!!" Caption: Stunned Silence. Arrows point at Wally's and Dilbert's heads. The Boss, Wally and Dilbert sit at a conference table. The Boss says, "..In company news, our entire sales force shriveled up and died for no apparent reason."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 05, 1998's comic on:


Tags #variance im depreciation, #four hour meeting, #stale dount, #nothing to report, #wasted donut, #threw donut, #meeting, #everyone alseep, #business

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A presenter says, ".. Now let's look at our year-to-date variance in depreciation." Alice notices a sleeping co-worker on one side and thinks, "Only five minutes left of our four hour meeting." There is another sleeping co-worker on her other side. Alice thinks, "Uf he keeps droning, there won't be any time for my presentation." Alice thinks, "I spent a whole week preparing my presentation." Alice realizes, "Everyone else is already asleep." Alice plans, "My only hope is to stun the presenter with a stale donut." Presenter points to a chart and says, "As you can see, there's nothing to report." A donut heads for the back of the presenter's head." Alice thinks, "I wasted a donut." Everyone around her is sleeping.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 21, 2001's comic on:


Tags #total sociopath, #rifle through purse, #call me, #ring once, #robbed, #date, #hug, #robbery

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Alice and Ron are saying their goodbyes next to Ron's car. They're headed towards an embrace. Alice says, "You're a total sociopath, Ron. I like that in a man." As they're hugging, Ron's hand is in Alice's purse. She cries, "Oh yes, rifle through my purse! Yes! Yes! Yes!" Ron heads back to his car. Alice calls after him, "Call me?" Ron responds while counting the money he's just stolen from her, "Sure. But you'd better wait by the phone; I only ring once."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 18, 2001's comic on:


Tags #brain washed, #hypnosis, #inspire, #lowers of communication, #must work harder, #no good reason, #powers of communication, #better employees

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The Boss is sitting at his computer. He thinks to himself, "My powers of communication will inspire them to be better employees." Dilbert points at his computer screen and exclaims, "Gaaa!! He's using his powers of communication against us!" Wally looks on with a panicked expression. Asok walks past Dilbert and Wally's cubicles like a zombie. His arms are out- stretched and his body is stiff. He says, "Must work harder for no good reason." Dilbert and Wally poke their heads from behind their cubicle walls. Dilbert says, "We're too late!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 30, 2002's comic on:


Tags #email, #employees, #leave too early, #menacing pose, #more cars in lot, #own email, #parking lot, #business

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Dorie's Boss says to Dorie, "Dorie, send an e-mail: employees are leaving work too early." Dorie's Boss continues, "I was to see more cars in the parking lot after 6 p.m. otherwise, heads will roll!" Dorie responds, "You type your own e-mail." The Boss replies, "I can't do that AND do this menacing pose at the same time."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 22, 2002's comic on:


Tags #cubicle, #loser cruiser, #perfectly respectable, #get used to it, #demotion, #loser, #cry, #no reason to cry

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Headline: Demoted. The Boss heads into his new cubicle and thinks, "A cubicle isn't so bad. I can get used to it." The Boss sits in his new chair and trembles. He thinks, "It's perfectly respectable. There's no reason to cry." The Boss is crying. Catbert approaches and asks, "How do you like your new 'Loser Cruiser?'"