Unethical Filling Comic Strips - Page 3
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Dilbert is at a parts store. The man behind the counter says, "We don't give out parts anymore." The man continues, "We're trying to end the vicious cycle of reordering." The man then asks, "Would you mind filling out a brief survey of customer satisfaction?"
Dilbert asks The Garbageman, "My boss asked me to clone him. Is that unethical?" The Garbageman replies, "You'll either create a soulless abomination or, if the clone is normal, you will have shown that souls are irrelevant." Dilbert asks, "What if the original is already a soulless abomination?" The Garbageman replies, "You can borrow my cloner. It's in the truck."
The Boss introduces a woman to Dilbert, "Dilbert, meet your new team member, Peri Noid." Peri Noid extends her hand and asks, "Why haven't you invited me to a meeting? Who's filling your head with lies?" Peri Noid continues, "Your hand is soft and clammy! Are you the undead?!!" Dilbert replies, "Engineer."
Filling in for the Pointy-Haired Boss A man says, "Does your department need its entire budget this year?" Dilbert says, "no, we'll waste most of it on empire building and appearing to work on trendy things." The man says, "All in favor of cutting this guy's budget in half?" Dilbert says, "I call do-over! Do-over!"
Dogbert the CEO The Boss says, "Our investors are not happy that you bought a helicopter." The Boss says, "Or that you only use it to keep birds off the building." The Boss says, "Or that the parking lot is filling up with beaks and feathers." Dogbert says, "I can't please everyone."
Dogbert the CEO Dogbert says, "We'll build a factory in every state." Dogbert says, "Politicians will vote to throw huge pork projects our way to benefit their home states." The boss says, "You're turning capitalism against democracy." Dogbert says, "You say weiner, I say winner."
Dogbert says, "We're going into the executive recruiting business." Dilbert says, "But the economy is so weak that there aren't any job openings." Dogbert says, "That's why we're also going into the executive coaching business." Dogbert says, "We'll give our clients bad advice, and get them fired." Dogbert says, "Then our recruiting division will offer to fill those jobs." Dogbert says, "Wally, you'll be our executive coach." Wally says, "Your receptionist is cute have you considered stalking her?" Man says, "Um...a little." Wally says, "You can borrow my binoculars."
"And then we'll send the draft for review..." BZZZZZT! "Greetings. I am Wally from the year 2040." "In the future, time travel will be possible but highly unethical." "But it's only unethical if you make the mistake of changing anything from the past." "I was out of coffee so I came here to get a fresh cup. Ah, here we go." "I have to run. Make sure nothing changes because of my visit or it will kill everyone in the future." "Let me be the first to say that this feels awkward."
"I feel an evil wind blowing my way." "My soul is filling with darkness...Suddenly I am cold, oh, so cold." Catbert: Evil Director of Human Resources "Hello-o-o, Asok." "GAAA!!! What are you doing here?!!" "It's time for the annual Employee Satisfaction Survey." "Perhaps I overreacted. I don't see how this could possibly be bad." "It is evident from these questions that you care about my wellbeing!" "I love the part where they think I'm here to help." Purr Purr Two Weeks Later "They're delighted with their benefits. It looks like we can save some money there."
Dilbert: Our budget won't cover all of the product development. We can only do two thirds of the features for that amount. The Boss: reduce the scope of the project by one third. Dilbert: Okay. The boss: but theoretically.... Dilbert: No...dear lord, no. The boss: Id I later give you a change request to add one feature could you do it for the same budget. Dilbert One? sure. DATA GOES IN : MANAGEMENT COMES OUT. One sure changes are free, Carol: where do I put the change requests?