Useful Member Of Society Comic Strips - Page 3
154 Results for Useful Member Of Society
View 21 - 30 results for useful member of society comic strips. Discover the best "Useful Member Of Society" comics from Dilbert.com.
A co-worker says to Dilbert, "Three other people asked for that same information. You must be on redundant projects." The man hands Dilbert a binder and says, "Here's a big binder which at first glance seems useful, but you'll realize later it's not." The man says, "I've got a few more useless binders. Do you want 'em?" Dilbert says, "Sure. I'm using them to build an addition to my cubicle."
Dogbert sits on the couch. Dilbert says, "I calculated the total time that humans have waited for Web pages to load . . ." Dilbert continues, "It cancels out all the productivity gains of the information age." Dilbert says, "Sometimes I think the Web is a big plot to keep people like me away from normal society." Dogbert thinks, "Uh-oh, he's on to me."
Dilbert and Dogbert sit on a stone wall in the park. Dilbert says, "The problem with modern society is that we have no traditions." Dilbert continues, "We should create some traditions for future generations." Dogbert asks, "How do you create a tradition?" Dilbert replies, "Well, you just do something ridiculous every year at the same time." Dilbert continues, "Eventually other people join in and then it's a tradition." Dogbert says, "Ooh, how about 'Annual Nose-Sausage Day'? You dress in colorful robes and stick sausages in your nose!" Dilbert says, "Yes, yes . . . And we'll do a squirrel dance and shout 'kaloo--kalah' at the sun!" Dilbert says, "Or maybe not." Dogbert says, "You lost me with the squirrel dance."
Dilbert says, "...Well, that depends on many factors involving features and usage." A marketing guy glares. The marketing guy says, "Do you engineers have a secret pact to withhold all useful information? you haven't answered one question and it's already... um..." Dilbert says, "Two o'clock." At the lunch table, Alice and Wally grill Dilbert. Wally says, "We hear you gave information to marketing." Dilbert sweats, "Just the time of day. He would have found out anyway!!"
Dilbert sits at his desk. Dogbert asks, "Have you ever noticed how crabby people always get what they want?" Dogbert continues, "It defies all reason. Society should punish the crabby, but instead they get rewarded." Dogbert continues, "So why fight it? I've decided to try the power of crabdom myself." Dilbert says, "I'm working. Could we talk later?" Dogbert says angrily, "Later?! Later?! Is my time worthless to you? What about MY needs?" Dogbert continues, "We'll talk NOW or we won't talk ever again!!" Dilbert replies, "Okay, okay! Let's talk." Dilbert asks, "Or were you just testing the power of crabdom?" Dogbert says, "Now you will dance for me."
AT THE CONFERENCE Dilbert: They have some great key note speakers here. There s a CEO....A politician....another CEO...and a cartoonist. Speaker: IN they cartoon, Gilbert goes to a conference that has no useful content. Dilbert: I know guys like that,
Ted stands behind Dilbert. Dilbert sits at his computer. Ted says, "I have no useful skills or knowledge. I compensate by 'raising issues'." Ted announces, "Our salespeople haven't been trained for the new product!!" Ted says, "Someone should have a meeting about that." Dilbert says, "Wow, I can actually hear oxygen being wasted."
The Boss stands with his arm around a headless man. Alice sits at her computer. The Boss says, "Alice, meet the newest member of our team." The Boss says, "I hired him myself. That means I can never fire him; it would look like I made a bad decision." The Boss says, "Microsoft hired his head. It's in a jar in Redmond." Alice says, "And we got the part that goes to meetings."
"What are you drawing, Dogbert? "I'm creating a comic book called, 'The Adventures of Boron'." "'The most boring man in the entire Universe'." "Boron looks like me." "Geez, what an ego you have." "In chapter one, Boron slays the entire marketing department by explaining asynchronous protocols." "I think it's high time we engineers got a little respect in this society!" "Furthermore, there are many advantages to asynchronous transfer mode switch technology!" "First, there's bandwidth..."
Phil the Ruler of Heck watches Dilbert and thinks, "My next victim." Phil says, "I am Phil, the Prince of Insufficient Light and Supreme Ruler of Heck!!" Dilbert sits at his desk and replies, "Hi, Phil." Phil says, "You must choose one of these two hideous fates to pay for your sins." Phil continues, "You can choose eternal high pay, but all of your work will be burned in front of you at the end of each day . . ." Phil continues, "Or you can choose eternal poverty, but your work will be useful and appreciated." Dilbert says, "WOW! They're BOTH better than my current job!" Dilbert says, "Hey, Wally, you might want to get in on this!" Wally confesses, "I watch tv when I'm supposed to be telecommuting." Phil thinks, "I hate the nineties." Dilbert waves his hand and says, "Do me first!"