Volume Level Comic Strips - Page 3

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94 Results for Volume Level

View 21 - 30 results for volume level comic strips. Discover the best "Volume Level" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #mismatch, #improve yourself, #my level, #gaining weight, #terrible haircut, #few teeth, #wear stained clothes, #tobacco

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Dilbert and the woman from the gym are walking outside. The woman says, "We're such a mismatch that I doubt you'll ever improve yourself all the way to my level." She continues, "Maybe I could meet you in the middle by gaining thirty pounds and getting a terrible haircut." Dilbert and the woman sit on the bank of the river. She continues, "...Knock out a few teeth, wear stained clothes, chew tobacco..."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #international sales call, #dress, #one level above customer, #cherub, #lighting bolt, #vatican, #overdress

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Dilbert is sitting at his computer. The Boss approaches and says, "I need you to go on an international sales call." Dilbert asks, "How should I dress?" The Boss responds, "Salespeople should dress one level above the customer." Dilbert is dressed like God. He has a lightning bolt in one hand and a cherub staff in the other. He asks Dogbert, "What's better - the cherub or the lightning bolt?" Dogbert responds, "Take both. You can't overdress at the vatican."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #level conscious, #vide presidents offcie, #secretary, #make direct eye contact, #meeting, #boss, #new hire, #business

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"We're not 'level conscious' here." "You could walk up to any vice president's office and talk to his secretary as if you were an equal." "Which, by the way, you're not. So don't try to make direct eye contact."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #lunch, #great opportunity, #multi level marketing, #bible, #diet plan

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"Hey, Dilbert! How would you like to go to lunch?" "Alone." "Alone! Ha ha! but then you'd miss out on this great opportunity!" "It's multi-level marketing plus a diet plan suggested by the bible!" "Shoot me."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #happiness not realted, #level of wealth, #relative wealth, #good job

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"Research has shown that happiness is not related to one's absolute level of wealth." "What matters is one's relative wealth compared to other people." "So, if I do a good job, could you cut this guy's pay?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #grass roots politics, #taxes, #work ethic, #initiative, #grass roots movement, #raise taxes, #checkmate, #income level

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Boss: Carol, I can't give you a raise this year because you didn't show enough initiative. Carol: I just formed a grass-roots movement to convince the government to raise taxes on people at your income level. Checkmate. Boss: That can't be legal.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #suspicion, #high level of trust, #employees, #performance, #scam, #business

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Dilbert: Studies show that companies with a high level of trust in employees also perform the best. Boss: If you ever start performing well, I'll trust you, too. Dilbert: This didn't go the way I hoped. Boss: What kind of scam are you trying to pull?

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #antique thing, #defective prodcuts, #free up funds, #larger volume, #longer test, #sales force, #quality control budget

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The Boss says, "I cut the quality control budget to free up funds to increase our sales force." Dilbert says, "So your strategy is to sell a larger volume of defective products?" The Boss says, "The quality will be fine. The tests will just take longer." Dilbert says, "So...It's an antique thing?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #new elbonian management, #not discriminate, #non elbonians, #belief system, #level as livestock, #wrong hoof, #new superior

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An Elbonian says, "I assure you that your new Elbonian management will not discriminate against non-Elbonians." Someone says, "Doesn't your belief system hold that all non-Elbonians are on the same level as livestock?" The Elbonian says, "Someone is starting off on the wrong hoof with his new supervisor."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #meeting, #coworker, #software, #product, #sitting, #technical issue, #understand, #terms, #comprehension level, #human, #squirrel, #anvil, #awkward, #community college, #business, #engineering

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The Boss says, "Dilbert, explain to Logan the technical issue in terms he can understand." Dilbert says, "Sure. What's his comprehension level? Are we talking human, squirrel or anvil?" The Boss says, "Which one am I?" Dilbert says, "Don't make this awkward." The Boss says, "Did the squirrel go to a community college?"