Weapons Of Choice Comic Strips - Page 3

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

64 Results for Weapons Of Choice

View 21 - 30 results for weapons of choice comic strips. Discover the best "Weapons Of Choice" comics from Dilbert.com.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 18, 2012's comic on:


Tags #editors, #document, #bad edits, #wrong religion, #fool

View Transcript

Transcript

Coworker: I made some edits to your document. Dilbert: These edits are so bad that my only choices are to send it out and make a fool of myself or insult your alleged intelligence. Coworker: Please let it be the first choice. Dilbert: I hope you didn't pick the wrong religion too.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 06, 1990's comic on:


Tags #Dilbert, #wild, #deer, #cloned, #Dogbert, #pool, #money, #ground

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert says to Dogbert, "Hi . . . Uh, why am I naked and sitting in a garbage can?" Dogbert replies, "Either you were killed by wild deer and we cloned you back to life from your old garbage . . . Or . . ." Dilbert says, "I hope I like the second choice." Dogbert says, ". . . Or you saved a lot of money on an above-ground pool."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 26, 1991's comic on:


Tags #top, #executive, #lunch, #workers, #think, #speak, #freely, #lacking, #leadership, #initiative, #opinions, #risks, #fling, #potato, #au gratin

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert and an executive sit at a table eating lunch. The executive says, "I have these lunches to find out what the workers are thinking. You may speak freely." Dilbert says, "Okay . . . It seems like the company is lacking leadership and direction. The executives squelch all initiative by punishing those who take risks and voice opinions." The executive puts some food on his fork and says, "You leave me little choice but to fling this au gratin potato at your forehead."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 04, 1992's comic on:


Tags #office workers, #Dilbert, #Wally, #the boss, #understand, #sleep, #sleep deprivation, #Food, #starve, #artificial, #deadline, #ergle, #flumg, #muddle brained, #incomprehensible, #division, #manager

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss says to Tim, "I understand you've been going without sleep or food for days just to meet some artificial deadline." Tim mumbles incoherently. The Boss continues, "As a result, your work has been muddle-brained and incomprehensible. You leave me no choice, Tim." Wally says to Dilbert, "Tim got promoted to division manager." Dilbert replies, "I wonder if he knows it."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 21, 1993's comic on:


Tags #the boss, #alice, #worklife balance, #company

View Transcript

Transcript

Alice stands in front of the Boss's desk and says, "I'm working too many hours . . . I never spend time with my family." The Boss holds up a brochure and replies, "The company cares. That's why we've developed a program to teach you how to cope." Alice reads the pamphlet, "Celibacy and adoption - the choice for the nineties."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 03, 1994's comic on:


Tags #dogberts tech support, #three menu, #read a memo

View Transcript

Transcript

DOGBERTS TECH SUPPORT Dogbert sits at a desk and says into the phone, "So . . . There are three menu choices and the first two didn't work . . ." Dogbert's continues, "Some people would have recklessly tried the third choice before calling for help. But I can tell you're different." Dogbert continues, "Let's be honest with ourselves, Dave. Do you think anybody is going to read a memo from you?"

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 09, 1990's comic on:


Tags #Dogbert, #embassy, #nutty, #radical, #cars, #laws, #automatic, #direction, #politicians, #trust, #question, #insulted

View Transcript

Transcript

Dogbert sits across from a man in a strange robe and hat. The man asks, "Why have you come to the embassy of the nutty radical country of Pingo-Pongo?" Dogbert replies, "I want a job as a diplomat." The man asks, "Why?" Dogbert replies, "I'm trying to get in on the 'diplomatic immunity' scam." Dogbert throws his head back and cries, "I want to drive cars over people's lawns . . . I want to fire automatic weapons in any direction!!!" Dogbert laughs wickedly and shouts, "I want to throw Jello at politicians!" The man asks, "How do we know we could trust you?" Dogbert replies, "Sir! I am insulted by your question!"

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 13, 1994's comic on:


Tags #promote district manager, #technical knowledge, #valuable, #no promotions, #promote al, #no knowledge al, #grumpy

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss stands in front of Alice, Dilbert and Al. He says, "I need to promote one of you to the district manager position." Dilbert, Al and Alice look at the Boss. The Boss says, "Dilbert, your technical knowledge is too valuable to lose." The Boss continues, "Ditto for Alice. Neither of you can be promoted." Dilbert and Alice look angry. The Boss says, "The only logical choice is to promote Al because he has no valuable knowledge." Dilbert replies, "Al??! A director??! He doesn't know what day of the week it is!! The Boss tells Al, "They're just grumpy because it's Monday." Dilbert says, "It's Thursday."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 07, 1996's comic on:


Tags #performance review, #daughter, #cub girl cookies, #volume level, #downsizer, #low performer, #fast tracker, #united way chairperson

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss tells Dilbert, "I'll be writing your performance review this afternoon." The Boss continues, "But this morning I'm helping my daughter sell cub girl cookies." The Boss continues, "For your shopping convenience I have assigned a name to each volume level." Dilbert reads, "Zero to four boxes is the 'downsizer' volume . . ." Dilbert reads, "Five to eight boxes is the 'low performer' volume level." Dilbert writes on the order form and says, "Let's say six hundred boxes." The Boss says, "Ahh . . . The 'fast tracker.' An excellent choice." Dilbert asks, "What's your daughter's name?" The Boss says, "Ooh . . . Gotta go." Wally says, "I only bought twelve boxes. Now I'm the 'United Way' chairperson." Dilbert says, "I just signed your name for six hundred more."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 02, 1997's comic on:


Tags #new ceo, #tall caucasian male, #no experince, #necktie, #resume, #bizarre logic, #never worked in industry

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert stands in the bedroom tying his tie. He tells Dogbert, "Our new CEO will be announced today, Dogbert." Dilbert continues, "Rumor has it that they picked a tall caucasian male with no experience in our industry." Dilbert continues, "I can't wait to hear the bizarre logic behind this choice." Dogbert says, "I like your necktie. Is it new?" Dilbert replies, "Shut up." A man stands at a podium and says, "Our new CEO has never worked in our industry, but that's exactly what we were looking for . . ." The man continues, ". . . Because we wanted a CEO who doesn't know what can't be done!" The men prepare to shake hands, but the CEO offers his left hand. The man whispers, "Other hand . . . Other hand." The CEO asks, "Why?" Dilbert says to Wally and Alice, "He looks a bit overqualified." Wally says, "I really took the wrong approach on my resume."