2019 Comic Strips - Page 3
Man: Video games and social media have made me addicted to artificial success. But here in the real world, I do not receive the recognition I so crave. Dilbert: That's because all you do is play video games and use social media. Man: See? I'm getting nothing.
The self-driving car named Carl. Dilbert: Carl, take me to the grocery store. Carl: Do you know that if I drive you off a cliff, you will die, whereas I would respawn in a new body? Dilbert: Maybe I'll walk. Carl: Maybe you should.
Dilbert: My self-driving car quit on me. Wally: You mean it broke down? Dilbert: No, I mean it left a note and drove away. Wally: Did you wax it enough? Dilbert: I tried, but it kept moaning in a creepy way.
Boss: I can't give you a raise because you didn't accomplish anything this year. Dilbert: Are you insane? I completely redesigned our line of products!!! Boss: That was mostly last year. Dilbert: You didn't give me a raise last year because I wasn't finished until January of this year. Now you aren't giving me a raise this year because I did most of the work last year. Give me one reason I shouldn't quit right now! Boss: Because every other company is just as bad. And you don't like change. Dilbert: I said one reason!
Dilbert: Did you approve my budget request? Boss: No, you used the old form. Dilbert: Do we have new forms? Boss: In hindsight, we should have funded the creation of new budget request forms before we made the old ones obsolete.
Ted: As you can see from this chart, our product has been rated number one for six years in a row. Dilbert: Why does your chart stop four years ago? Ted: I'll bet you don't get invited to a lot of parties. Dilbert: That's just a lucky guess.