Search Results for "high tech device"
Share July 04, 2011's comic on:
Man: You're ignorant and ridiculous. I'm bored. Are we done here? Boss: You're hired. You must have awesome technical skills or else someone would have killed you by now. Boss: I can't tell if I'm a management genius or just lazy.
Share July 25, 2011's comic on:
Carol: And then I need you to... Asok: Excuse me. Wally is needed elsewhere to do something unspecified that has an implied high priority. Carol: Seriously? You have a wingman for laziness? Wally: I think of him as a productivity retardant.
Share October 15, 2011's comic on:
Alice: I'm so frustrated that I want to cry, but I refuse to fall into the stereotype. Asok, I'm making you my surrogate crier. This might hurt a little. Asok: Worst meeting ever. Dilbert: I thought you did a good job on the high notes.
Share November 20, 2011's comic on:
Boss: I hired a world-class inventor. Meet Toby. When he worked for our competitor, he invented their coolest product. Toby: I was just a member of a team. Boss: A key member! Toby: Until they fired me for stealing. Wally: You came to the right place. We have tons of stuff to steal and no one ever gets caught! Toby: Give me a high five with a boss head in the middle! Noise: SLAP! Toby: That's the only thing I ever invented. Wally: Have you seen our storage closet?
Share December 06, 2011's comic on:
CEO: Warren Buffett says your tax rate is higher than mine. Thank you for subsidizing my mansion, I really appreciate it. A good leader always shows appreciation to his underlings.
Share January 22, 2012's comic on:
Dogbert: This is Dogbert's tech support. How many I abuse you? Boss: I think my digital modem is broken. Dogbert: Please hold while I pretend to be testing it. Okay, it looks fine from here. The problem must be in your wiring. You'll have to rip out all of the wiring in your entire house to locate the problem. Boss: Are you sure? Because the lights on the modem aren't even on. Dogbert: That means you have moisture on your internal wiring. You'll also need to replace all of your plumbing and get a new roof. Boss: May I speak with your supervisor? Dogbert: Sure. But he sounds exactly like me.
Share February 08, 2012's comic on:
Boss: We're abandoning our low-margin lines of business and going into a whole new field. Dilbert: So... we'll be like a high-risk start-up company burdened with lumbering inefficiencies and a high cost structure? Boss: Was anything you said the same as buy-in?
Share February 12, 2012's comic on:
Tech Support: Hello, this is tech support. May I close your ticket now? Dilbert: Um... no. You haven't helped me yet. I just called you. Tech Support: I'm not evaluated on how helpful I am. I'm evaluated on how many trouble tickets I close. Your stubbornness is becoming an obstacle to my financial success. By the way, if our call gets disconnected, I count that as a closed ticket. Dilbert: I'll make it quick. Tech Support: What? What? I can't hear you. Dilbert: Son of a beach ball! On the plus side, my goal of hating one new stranger every day is right on track.
Share February 23, 2012's comic on:
Boss: There's room in the market for a device that's bigger than a phone but smaller than a tablet. Dilbert: So you want me to design something that is a bad tablet and an even worse phone? Boss: To my mind, it's a market niche. Dilbert: Maybe you should get your mind out of your niche.
Share March 01, 2012's comic on:
Wally: Rogue nations are building nuclear weapons. The polar ice caps are melting. Unemployment is high. Entire nations are on the brink of default. You aren't saving enough for retirement. Dilbert: What do you have going here? Wally: He said he doesn't pay attention to news. I wondered why.