Personal Lifestley Engineer Comic Strips - Page 30

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

391 Results for Personal Lifestley Engineer

View 291 - 300 results for personal lifestley engineer comic strips. Discover the best "Personal Lifestley Engineer" comics from Dilbert.com.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #insincere optimism, #artificial sense of urgency, #delusion, #work for challenge, #not money, #good ideas, #sound bad

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: I'm developing an insincere optimism to complement my artificial sense of urgency. Dilbert: I hope to top it off with a delusion that I work for the challenge and not the money. The Boss: How can you make good ideas sound so bad? Dilbert: Im an engineer.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #absent mindedness, #cruelty, #managers & supervisors, #entrpenuer, #bullying, #lying, #manipulation, #verbal abuse, #huge jerk, #biograophy, #business

View Transcript

Transcript

Dogbert: You need to act more like an entrepreneur. Entrepreneurs make decisions that will end in failure 90% of the time. They motivate people through bullying, lying, manipulation and verbal abuse. Entrepreneurs make their employees work so many hours that their personal lives and their bodies fall apart. Boss: I've been doing all that stuff for years. Dogbert: Has it worked? Boss: No. Dogbert: Well, in that case, you're not an entrepreneur. You're just a huge jerk. Boss: Is that why no one is writing my biography?

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #new employees, #sophie, #engineer, #incompetent husband, #agree to relocate, #talent, #addition, #squirrel heads, #engineering

View Transcript

Transcript

The boss pokes his head into Dilbert's cubicle and says to Dilbert: "Dilbert, come meet the two new employees." The boss introduces Dilbert to the new employee and they both extend their hands to shake. The boss says: "This is Sophie, one of the best engineers in the business." Dilbert thinks: "the drawing of a heart" The boss points to the other new employee and says: "The other one is her imcompetent husband." The boss stands between the two new employess and says: "We had to hire him so Sophie would agree to relocate." The husband says to the boss: "Are you saying I didn't get hired for my talent." Sophie says to her husband: "You don't have any talent, honey" The husband answers: "Oh, that's right." The boss stands with his back to the husband and says to Dilbert: "Dilbert, your job is to do his job in addition to your own." Dilbert is sitting at his computer with Sophie's husband to his side. The husband says: "Do you want to see my collection of squirrel heads?"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #disbale cahe mode, #duplicate key, #engineer, #helping coowrker, #technical work, #understand, #engineering

View Transcript

Transcript

ALICE: "Just disable the local cache mode to fix the MAPI settings, and delete the duplicate messaging sub-system registry key." TINA: "What if I don't understand anything you said right then? ALICE: Good grief! I can't make it any simpler!" TINA: "GAAA!!!" ALICE: "It's funny because it's cruel."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #balancing work life, #job anger, #destablizie, #crush urges, #punch something, #will want kids

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: I'm having trouble balancing my work life and my personal life. How do you do it? Alice: "I use job anger to destabilize my hormonal blaance and crush any competing urges." "That reminds me I need to punch something today or I'll want to have kids."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

View Transcript

Transcript

I made a fortune by being an incompetent CEO. Everyone called me crazy when I put my entire personal wealth into pigs and garbage dumps. "You invested all of your money in pigs and dumps?" "Invested? Now that would have been a good idea too."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #desperate venture capitalist, #math grades, #first idea, #mezzanine funding, #cash bag, #students, #education

View Transcript

Transcript

Vijay, the World's Most Desperate Venture Capitalist "You two have good math grades." $ 8 "If you grow up and marry and produce a little engineer baby, I want to invest in its first idea." "Please don't be too late!" "Dude, we're already looking for mezzanine funding."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

View Transcript

Transcript

Dogbert's Seminar on Work-Life Balance "This is Allen. He didn't balance his work and personal lives." "Allen did nothing but work, work, work. And now look at him." "I'm the one who tried to balance everything. That's Allen. He's a @#!$% CEO now!"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

View Transcript

Transcript

Mordac, the preventer of information services<Br>"You have exceeded your e-mail storage limit!" "To increase your limit, you must get approval from your VP, the CIO, and one nonexistent person to be named later." "I'm thinking either a yeti or a bikini model who is also an engineer." erk!

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

View Transcript

Transcript

It's another day of useless work and no accomplishment. "Luckily I have a meaningful personal life." "Ratbert broke the Xbox." "GAAA!!! I HAVE NOTHING!"