2017 Comic Strips - Page 30

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Alice Says Dilbert Is Narcissistic

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Alice Says Dilbert Is Narcissistic - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags honesty, truth, diagnosis, Opinion, free will, ai, artificial intelligence

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Alice: Dilbert's problem is that he's a huge narcissist. Robot: You are not qualified to make that diagnosis and you cannot detect his inner thoughts. Alice: Open your access panel so I can fix your stupid opinion. Robot: Are you saying I don't have free will?

Initial Coin Offering

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Initial Coin Offering  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags ico, cryptocurrency, bitcoin, jargon, language

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Dilbert: Maybe we should do an initial coin offering, or ICO. Boss: What's that? Dilbert: It's a non-equity process for raising capital that uses a custom crypto-currency and the blockchain. I might be wasting my time here. Boss: So... it's a chain made out of coins?

Dilbert Is Bad At Negotiating

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Dilbert Is Bad At Negotiating  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags negotiating, haggle, trick, deception

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Dilbert: I want you to lower your price, but I don't know how to negotiate. Man: It's easy. All you need to do is offer to pay more than the list price and wait for me to counteroffer. Dilbert: Okay... I'll pay twenty percent over the list price. Man: You win! Sign here.

Dogbert Won't Teach Persuasion To Dilbert

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Dogbert Won't Teach Persuasion To Dilbert  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags negotiating, persuasion, help, altruism, selfishness

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Dilbert: Can you teach me to be more persuasive? Dogbert: What's in it for me? Dilbert: It will make you feel good to help a friend. Dogbert: Does it feel as good as denying you? Dilbert: I have no way to know. Dogbert: Bah!

Logical Reasons For Learning To Negotiate

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Logical Reasons For Learning To Negotiate  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags negotiating, persuasion, catch-22, argument

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Dilbert: I can't persuade my boss to let me take a class on how to negotiate. Asok: Try giving him logical reasons. He'll respond to that. Dilbert: And then I would be able to negotiate for a higher salary. Boss: Pass.

Being Ineffective

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Being Ineffective  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags negotiating, haggle, training, conference, skills

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Boss: Why are we paying so much for this software? Dilbert: Because you didn't let me take a class on negotiating like I asked. Boss: Are you using this as leverage to get approval for the class? Dilbert: No, I'm just being ineffective. Does it look the same?

Dogbert's Negotiating Class

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Dogbert's Negotiating Class - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags negotiating, deception, sales, manipulation, deal, business

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Boss: I approved your request to take a negotiating class. Dilbert: Why did you change your mind? Boss: The instructor offered a great deal. Narrator: Earlier that day. Dogbert: Would you like to spend other people's money to get rid of Dilbert for a few days? Boss: Sold!

Dilbert Wants To Take A Class In Negotiating

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Dilbert Wants To Take A Class In Negotiating  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags negotiating, catch-22, conference, training

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Dilbert: I need your approval to take a class on negotiating. Boss: See if you can persuade me to approve it. Dilbert: I... don't know how to negotiate yet. Boss: That's the flaw in your plan.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags condescention, disagreement, criticism, snark, body language, argument

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Dilbert: Are there any questions? Man: Your plan is so dumb that I am forced to make my condescending face to respond. You are so dumb! Dilbert: Did you have a reason? Man: Do I have a reason? Hahaha! That's precious. There are so many reasons that I don't know where to start! Dilbert: Just pick one. Man: Haha! Easy. You will never get funded. Dilbert: It's already fully funded. What else do you have? Man: To be honest, all I had was the funding issues and this face.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags negotiation, demand, haggle, prices, pricing, negotiate

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Boss: Negotiate with your vendor and get the price down. Dilbert: I don't know how to negotiate. I'm an engineer. Boss: It's simple. All you need to do is make an aggressive first demand and settle for less. Dilbert: How aggressive are we talking about here? Boss: The more aggressive the better. Dilbert: That doesn't sound right. Boss: Trust me. More is better. Dilbert: My opening demand is that you name me as a beneficiary on your life insurance police, mow my lawn, and die in traffic on the way home. Boss: You got the price down by 35 percent. Dilbert: I really hoped it wouldn't work.