Big Charis Comic Strips - Page 30

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323 Results for Big Charis

View 291 - 300 results for big charis comic strips. Discover the best "Big Charis" comics from Dilbert.com.

Make It Hard To Uninstall

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Make It Hard To Uninstall - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #customer service, #business strategy, #sales, #deception, #business

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Boss: Don't focus so much on making the software do what our customers want it to do. Just make it hard for users to uninstall it. Dilbert: Why would they buy it in the first place? Boss: A big part of our strategy involves lying.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #human resources, #certification, #listening, #corporations, #business

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Catbert: Evil Director Of Human Resources. Catbert: Don't bother me. I'm studying for a human resources certification. I already have my certifications for sadism and maniacal laughing. And, obviously, I have the basic HR certification for recreational downsizing. If you don't have that one, you can't even get a job in HR. But I need one more certification to make the big bucks. Now run along while I practice my joyless scowling. Dilbert: You talk a lot about yourself. Catbert: I prefer to think of myself as a non-listener.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #lying, #deception, #secret, #choosing, #choices

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Man: Don't tell Dilbert I told you what he plans to do. Alice: What if he asks me how I found out? Man: You should lie. Alice: You have given me two bad choices. If I don't change my plans based on this new information, I'll have big problems. But if I act on it, Dilbert will ask me how I knew, and that will turn me into a liar. Man: Yes, those are your only options. Alice: Unless... Man: There's no "unless." You have only two options. Just two! Alice: Have you ever seen the view from the roof?

Traffic App

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Traffic App  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #excuses, #lying, #app, #technology, #busted, #caught

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Wally: Sorry I"m late. There was a big accident on the freeway. Boss: Not according to my traffic app. Wally: Just out of curiosity, what types of excuses are impossible to check with an app?

Financial Forecaster Quit

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Financial Forecaster Quit - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #big business, #money, #projection, #prediction, #Advice

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Boss: Our financial forecaster quit. I need you to fill in for him. Dilbert: I don't know how to do financial forecasts. Boss: Neither did he. Dilbert: How were you making decisions? Boss: It's better if we don't excavate that septic tank.

Worthless Financial Projections

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Worthless Financial Projections - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #money, #finances, #big business, #projection, #prediction, #guessing, #estimate

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Dilbert: Here's the financial projection you asked me to do. It's basically just guessing plus math. Obviously, it's useless for making decisions because I can get any result I want by tweaking the assumptions. Boss: Don't say any of that stuff when you present it to the board tomorrow.

If We Are Off By One Percent

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If We Are Off By One Percent - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #projection, #prediction, #finances, #big business, #guess, #estimate, #obliviousness

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Dilbert: According to my highly unreliable forecast, we're on the right track. But if even one of my seventeen assumptions is off by one percent, we are doomed. The obvious conclusion is that... Board: We're nailing it!

Doctor And Dopamine

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 Doctor And Dopamine - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #addiction, #impulse control, #social media, #twitter, #facebook, #pharmaceuticals, #drugs, #gambling, #technology

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Doctor: The MRI shows that your brain has been hijacked by dopamine pirates. You are now under the full control of social media corporations, gambling casinos, and big pharma. Boss: Are you writing me a prescription? Doctor: No, I'm buying stock in those companies.

Product Is Too Addictive

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Product Is Too Addictive  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #social media, #technology, #facebook, #twitter, #addiction, #big business, #impulse control

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Dilbert: I'm worried that we designed our product to be too addictive. Now we're more like a disease than a consumer product. Boss: Will you stop talking like that if I give you a raise? Dilbert: It's worth a try.

Animal Testing Is Done

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 Animal Testing Is Done - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #app, #technology, #addiction, #morals, #big business, #ethics

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Dilbert: The animal testing for our app is done. The app is so addictive that Zimbu the monkey was hospitalized for starvation while using it. I think we all know what we need to do. Boss: Submit it to the app store?