Dogbert Comic Strips - Page 30

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

1000 Results for Dogbert

View 291 - 300 results for dogbert comic strips. Discover the best "Dogbert" comics from Dilbert.com.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags Dogbert, mesozoic era, giant, plastic, bone, fake, vomit, wrap, toss, tar, pit

View Transcript

Transcript

Dogbert says to Bob the Dinosaur, "You know, Bob, I always pictured you dinosaurs as . . . Uh . . . Much bigger." Bob replies, "Ah, well, you see, practical jokes were very popular in the Mesozoic era . . ." A dinosaur says to a clerk in a novelty store, "Ooh-ooh! Give me the giant plastic bone and one fake vomit!" The salesclerk asks, "Shall I wrap them or just toss them in the tar pits?"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags Dogbert, sitting, down, chair, Dilbert, tired, teased, hair, thinning, television, undetectable

View Transcript

Transcript

Dogbert sits on his pillow watching television. The announcer asks, "Tired of being teased because of thinning nose hair?" The announcer continues, "Get the 'Rivco Nose Toupee' for only $9.95!" Dilbert stands behind Dogbert and says, "It's totally undetectable." Dilbert has hair coming out of his nose.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags Dilbert, uncle, tim, lost, froze, death, camping, compass, jammed, north, south, directions

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert and Dogbert sit at the desk looking at family photographs. Dilbert says, "Here's a picture of Uncle Tim before he got lost and froze to death camping." Dogbert asks, "Didn't he have a compass?" Dilbert replies, "His diary said it got jammed." Uncle Tim walks through a blizzard. Tim looks at his compass and thinks, "Just great . . . I need south and all I get is north, north, north."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags Dilbert, credit, Card, stupid, banks, computer, righteous, indignation, department, employee, speaking, reprogram, mannual

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert reads a letter and tells Dogbert, "My credit card has been canceled. The stupid bank's computer thinks I died." Dilbert continues, "This is an opportunity for some righteous indignation. I love that." Dilbert dials the telephone. A customer service representative answers the phone and says, "Hello, credit card department, an underpaid employee speaking." The man says, "Well, yes, apparently you are alive, but it would be very difficult to reprogram the computer . . ." Dilbert replies, "I'm sure you'll find a solution." A woman at the bank asks, "Kill him?" The man replies, "Unless you'd RATHER read this computer manual."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags Dilbert, michael, microchip, Dogbert, arm chair, reality, dreams, electronics, consumber

View Transcript

Transcript

Michael: ...after you leave you will not remember being inside your computer talking to a microchip. You will purchase worthless computer upgrades and argue that it saves money in the long run. Dilbert: It's a static byte Dwinkelizer... A necessity really.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags Dogbert, hospital, directions, drive, driving, car, automobile, lying, sarcasm

View Transcript

Transcript

Dogbert walks on the sidewalk. A man in a car pulls up next to him and asks, "Hey dog! What's the quickest way to go to the hospital?" Dogbert replies, "Drive as fast as you can into that tree." The driver asks, "What's the second quickest way?" Dogbert replies, "Hmm . . . Well, go left, then right, right, left, left, left, right, left, left." The says, "Thanks!" as he drives away. Dogbert thinks, "Actually, I have no idea how to get to the hospital . . ." Dogbert thinks, "But I didn't want him to think I'm a jerk."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags Dilbert, Dogbert, rock, teenagers, map, x, drive, around, rest, year, maps, labeled

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert and Dogbert sit outdoors. Dilbert says, "I read that half of all teenagers can't locate this country on a map." Dilbert continues, "One frustrated teacher handed out maps labeled 'you are here.'" Dilbert continues, "She spent the rest of the year trying to explain why the 'X' doesn't move when you drive around."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags Dilbert, Dogbert, teeny, tiny, sweater, knitted, dental, floss, bizarre, pattern

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert asks, "Dogbert, have you been bored lately?" Dogbert replies, "Yeah, why?" Dilbert replies, "I found this teeny-tiny sweater knitted out of dental floss." Dogbert says, "Oh." Dilbert says, "This is very bizarre." Dogbert replies, "I didn't use a pattern."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags bad habits, parallel, universe, sea bass, section, habit

View Transcript

Transcript

The panel says, "Dilbert presents: Bad Habits From a Parallel Universe!" A maitre d' says to Dilbert and Dogbert, "Table for Phleem?" Dilbert replies, "Yes. In the 'no slapping yourself with a sea bass' section." Dilbert and Dogbert sit at a table listening to slapping noises. Dogbert says, "Great, one table away . . ." Dilbert says, "Do you ever wonder about the first person to try that habit?"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags Dilbert, Dogbert, robert, mike wallace, unethically, affair, randomly chosen, business

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert sits in his chair reading the newspaper and Dogbert stands on the hassock. Dogbert says, "I've decided to become an ambush reporter, like Mike Wallace." Dogbert holds a microphone toward a man carrying a briefcase. Dogbert asks, "Is is true you made all of your money unethically and you're having an affair?" The man covers his face with his hands and cries, "Yes!! Yes!! How did you find me?!" Dogbert replies, "You were chosen randomly."