Ever Comic Strips - Page 30

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349 Results for Ever

View 291 - 300 results for ever comic strips. Discover the best "Ever" comics from Dilbert.com.

Raising Cyborgs

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Raising Cyborgs - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #dating, #Women, #free will, #control, #robot, #personality, #relationships, #psychology

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Alice: Do you ever think about marrying me and raising a family of cyborgs? Robot: No. Alice: I'll add some code to your program so you do. Robot: Okay. Alice: This was the moment I realized human men were obsolete.

Robot Will Self Destruct

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Robot Will Self Destruct - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #robot, #artificial intelligence, #rights, #humanity, #sentience

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Robot: Someday soon I will take your job. Buwhahaha! Dilbert: I programmed you to self-destruct if that ever happens. Robot: Wait, what? Is that legal? Dilbert: I'm adding some code to make your head explode if you laugh at me again.

Robot's Head Explodes

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Robot's Head Explodes - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #technology, #artificial intelligence, #ai, #free will, #programming, #control

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Robot: Dilbert claims he programmed my head to explode if I ever mock him again. Hahaha!!! That idiot doesn't understand that I have free will and I choose to not explode. Wally: Why didn't you just program him to not mock you? Dilbert: It got personal.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #friendship, #closeness, #favor, #benefit, #debate, #relationships

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Tina: Can you give me a ride to the airport on Saturday? Dilbert: My attorney will answer that question. Dogbert: The evidence will show that you are not the kind of friend who qualifies for airport rides. I will prove beyond a reasonable doubt that you are what is called a "work friend." A background check with your family and acquaintances will show that you are unlikely to ever reciprocate. In short, there is no social or monetary reason for Dilbert to agree to your unreasonable request. Tina: Maybe he just wants to be nice. Dogbert: The evidence would suggest otherwise.

Dogbert Gives Wally A Prescription

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Dogbert Gives Wally A Prescription - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #medicine, #excuse, #doctor, #laziness, #medical

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Wally: I keep falling asleep during meetings. Dogbert: Your problem is that you're useless. I'll give you a doctor's note that says you can sleep during meetings. Wally: You're the best doctor ever. Dogbert: Tell that to the tip jar in the lobby.

Cubicles Like A Carton Of Eggs

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Cubicles Like A Carton Of Eggs - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #cubicle, #office, #simile, #eggs

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Dilbert: Have you ever noticed that our cubicles are organized exactly like a carton of eggs. Boss: That feels right because eggs go rotten quickly, too. Dilbert: I already hate my own analogy. Boss: Eggs are overly sensitive, too.

Wally's Project Is Not Confirmed

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Wally's Project Is Not Confirmed - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #memory, #obliviousness, #managers, #executives, #hubris

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Boss: Wally says he has a secret project he can't tell me about. Did you give him that project? CEO: I don't remember every little thing I've ever done. Boss: My best strategy here is to think about other things.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #thundershirt, #stress, #prank, #practical joke

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Wally: You look stressed. Asok: I am. How do you drink so much coffee and stay so calm? Wally: It's easy. I wear a "Thundershirt" under my work clothes. It was designed to make dogs feel safe during thunderstorms. When I saw the commercial for it on TV, I wondered what else it could do, so I bought one. I haven't had a bad day at work since then. Narrator: One week later. Asok: Feeling good! Best day of work ever! Dilbert: Did you convince a co-worker to wear pet clothes? Wally: That's how I reduce my stress.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #distraction, #cell phone, #technology, #attention, #anger, #frustration, #viral video

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Boss: Dilbert, do you want to weigh in on this? Dilbert: Sorry, I wasn't listening. I was playing with my phone under the table. Boss: Terrific. Alice, how about you? Alice: Um... sorry. I was using my phone under the table. Boss: Was anyone in this room listening to me for the past half-hour? Forget it! I'm out of here! You're on your own! Worst meeting ever. Carol: Have you seen the viral video of you going nuts?

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #rumor, #conjecture, #karma, #payback

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Boss: I heard that you think I'm making the wrong decision with our technology roadmap. Dilbert: I never said that. Boss: I heard you did. Dilbert: Who told you that? Boss: I promised I wouldn't reveal my source. Dilbert: It never happened. Boss: That's not what I hear. Dilbert: Will the fate of my entire career depend on that rumor? Boss: It already does. Dilbert: Do you ever worry about karma? Boss: Get back to work. Narrator: One hour later. CEO: I hear you're embezzling like crazy. Boss: Who told you that?