Director Of Security Comic Strips - Page 30

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348 Results for Director Of Security

View 291 - 300 results for director of security comic strips. Discover the best "Director Of Security" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 28, 1996's comic on:


Tags #Catbert, #evil hr director, #like about work, #making popcorn, #microwave, #pretend tow ork, #body language, #popcorn priviledges

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Wally sits at his desk. Catbert says, "Hey, Wally, is there anything you still like about working here?" Wally replies, "Um . . . I like making popcorn in the microwave and eating it while I pretend to work." Wally says, "Your body language tells me that something evil is going to happen to my popcorn privileges." Catbert sits on the monitor and thinks, "I love my job."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 25, 1996's comic on:


Tags #Catbert, #evil hr director, #too busy, #forty hours training

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Wally sits at his desk. Catbert says, "Wally, you've been too busy to get the required forty hours of training this year." Catbert continues, "So I hired a contract employee to help you out." Wally asks, "When does he start?" Catbert replies, "Yesterday. He already finished eight hours of your training."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 23, 1996's comic on:


Tags #catbert evil hr director, #random acts, #catness, #ink suit, #appproaching, #purring, #shedding, #curl and style

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Catbert walks down the hall thinking, "I feel like committing random acts of catness." Catbert holds out his paws and thinks, "Woman in pink suit approaching . . . Activate purring and shedding." Dilbert, Alice and Wally sit at a conference table. Dilbert says, "So, Alice, how long does it take to curl and style a suit like that?" Wally asks, "Do you dry-clean it or just give it a perm?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 03, 1996's comic on:


Tags #document, #job process, #requirements, #anticipate, #shifting political winds, #relevant buzzwords, #achieve, #importance, #adding value, #process design

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Dilbert sits at a table using a laptop. Dilbert tells the man across the table, "I need to document your job processes to satisfy our ISO 9000 requirements." The man replies, "Okay." The man says, "I try to anticipate the shifting political winds. Then I wrap myself in the relevant buzzwords and try to achieve importance without adding value." Dilbert asks, "What's your job title?" The man replies, "Director of ISO 9000 Quality Process Design."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 22, 1996's comic on:


Tags #use speakerphone, #voice mail, #speaker phone, #inconsiderate, #too stupid, #annoying, #bob dinsoaur, #wedgie, #service elevator, #look on face, #way they yell, #philiosphers

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A man sits in his cubicle thinking, "It's time to use my speakerphone to do voice mail." The man thinks, "I can't remember if I use the speakerphone because I'm inconsiderate or because I'm too stupid to know how annoying it is." The man thinks, "I'll leave that question to the philosophers." The man screams, "Hi. Thanks for the information. Talk to you later!!!" The man shouts, "Did I tell you about my cyst?" Dilbert hears the man yelling and sends an e-mail message that says, "Dogbert, send Bob the Dinosaur quickly!" Bob says to the building security officer, "I'm here to deliver a wedgie." The man replies, "Use the service elevator." Dilbert sits at his desk humming while the man next to him screams as Bob gives him a wedgie. Dilbert presses the elevator button and asks Bob, "What's the best part - the look on their faces or the way they yell?" Bob replies, "I'll leave that question to the philosophers."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 15, 1996's comic on:


Tags #Catbert, #cubicle plan, #densification project, #dignity, #evil director, #human resources, #lower morale, #patented head cubicle, #recycled, #business

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The Boss, Catbert, Wally, Dilbert and Alice sit at a conference table. The Boss says, "Mr. Catbert, our evil director of human resources, will describe our new cubicle plan." Catbert says, "Last year we reduced the size of cubicles in the densification project." Catbert continues, "We didn't save much money, but we did lower morale." Catbert continues, "This year we'll build on that success . . ." Catbert holds a square box and says, "With the patented 'Head Cubicle.'" Catbert lifts the Head Cubicle and says, "Hold still, Wally." Catbert says, "And the head cubicle can be recycled after you're downsized!" The cubicle covers Wally's head. Dilbert, Alice and Wally wear the cubicles on their heads. Alice says, "We really need to draw the line at some point." Dilbert adds, "While we still have our dignity."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 01, 1996's comic on:


Tags #two day workshop, #mission, #vision, #useless jargon, #illiterate execustives, #mind numbing, #job security, #ethical behavior, #better idea, #high marks, #class evalutaion

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A man says, "In this two day workshop, you will learn to embrace our company's mission and vision." Dilbert, Wally and Alice sit in the audience. The man continues, "At first glance it will appear to be a bunch of useless jargon created by functionally illiterate executives." The man continues, "But after we do some mind-numbing group exercises . . ." The man continues, ". . . You'll forget that you're underpaid and you have no job security." The man turns to an easel and says, "We'll begin by writing down all the things that 'ethical behavior' means to you." Alice says, "I've got a better idea: if you let us leave now, we'll give you high marks on the class evaluation." The man stands at the front of the room thinking. Wally hands the man his evaluation and says, "Good job. You touched me." The man replies, "You wish."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 26, 1996's comic on:


Tags #Catbert, #high morale?, #hr director, #love feedback, #morale is low, #more frequent reviews, #employees underpaid

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Catbert stands on the Boss's desk and says, "Morale is low because the employees are underpaid." Catbert continues, "You can compensate by having more frequent performance reviews. They love feedback." Catbert clenches his teeth and thinks, "The hardest part is keeping a straight face." The Boss says, "Tell me again why I'd want morale to be high?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 12, 1996's comic on:


Tags #Catbert, #evil hr director, #big layoffs coming, #secret, #cats don't keep secrets

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Catbert peers over the wall and says, "Hey, Wally . . . Big layoffs coming." Catbert continues, "I've seen the list. I know more about your future than you do. But it's a secret." Catbert says, "Sadly, cats don't keep secrets very well." Ted says to Wally, "Nice chair."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 07, 1996's comic on:


Tags #cat likes petting, #Catbert, #company resources, #evil, #hr director, #pet cat, #soft furry belly, #ugly incident

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Catbert says to Tina, "It has come to my attention that you used company resources to send e-mail to your boyfriend." Catbert continues, "I'm willing to overlook this ugly incident in exchange for five minutes of quality petting on my soft, furry belly." Tina pets Catbert's stomach and says, "This seems so wrong." Catbert says, "Try using both hands."