2005 Comic Strips - Page 30

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags set a conference call, secretary's job, carol, ask question, set up appointmet

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Carol: Asok, your pointy-haired boss wants you to set up a conference call with all the division managers." Asok: "Um... wouldn't that be his secretary's job? And aren't you his secretary?" Carol: "Hey, I know. Why don't you try to get an appointment with him so you can ask that question."

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Tags fist of death, alice implicated, beat up men, high crime, area, office, picture, pyramid shaped hair

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Senior management has decided to move our office out of this high-crime area. "Because every one of them was beaten up in front og the building by a guy with pyramid-shaped hair.'<Br>"Police released this sketch. The guy likes to yell something about a "fist of death.""

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Tags high crime area, fiduciary, misconducting, cfo, kicked, beat up

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Alice: "I hate walking to work in this high-crime area." "Take this, you fiduciary misconducting *#@!%" "That was our C.E.O."<Br>"I know."

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Tags project caribou, new chip, prorc, muskrat project, project meerkat, names of projects, too similar

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"We need more staff for prject Cribou.' "No. You're thinking of project Caribbean." "Caribou is like project muskrat but with lower P.R.O.R.C." "P.R.O.R.C?" "Projected return on research capital." "Is muskrat the enterprise software project?" "Um... No... That would be project muskrat." "Cancel project musk ox, move the staff over to project zebra, delay panda and sdquirrel and give me a status report on probosics monkey." "We don't have any projects with those names." "How's that my fault?"

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Tags dont worry, high crime area, experts assure you, gange members, exhautsed, beat up

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CAtbert: Don't worry that the company is moving to a high-crime area. "My experts assure me that you'll have a 90% chance of survival every time you walk outside." "That estimate depends on the assumption that the gang members become exhausted from beating you up."

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Tags company relocating, high crime, tax reasons, ceo says, limo, parking garage, chain bike to whino, advice from ceo

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The Boss: "Our company will be relocating to a high-crime area for tax reasons." "Our CEO says don't worry about your safety because your limo can pull right into the underground parking garage." "Then he added, "Or chain your bicycle to a wino. Whatever."

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Tags things that don't kill, great minds, think alike, spilt milk, different findings

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Wally: "Have you ever noticed that the things that don't kill you make you weaker?" "And great minds don't think alike. If they did, the patent office would only have about fifty inventions." "I started getting suspicious when I cried over spilt milk and the cashier took it off my bill"

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Tags rat problem, reporting, rat bait, unwashed, job satisfaction, calling names, being mean

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Carol: We're having a problem with the rats in the office. " You might want to upgrade your level of hygiene from "rat bait" to "unwashed."" "I think I just felt my first tingle of job satisfaction."

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Tags help alice, work harder, expect to happen

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The Boss: Wally, I asked you to help Alice on her project but all you did was tell her to work harder." "You can't just tell someone to work harder and expect it to happen!"" Wally: "Aren't you doing that right now?" The Boss: "Shut up and go work harder."

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Tags help alice, tried working harder, become dependant

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Wally, I want you to go help Alice on her project." "Have you tried working harder? Sometimes thta works." "I hope she doesn't become dependent on my help."