2008 Comic Strips - Page 30
Search Filters
Year
- 2023
- 2022
- 2021
- 2020
- 2019
- 2018
- 2017
- 2016
- 2015
- 2014
- 2013
- 2012
- 2011
- 2010
- 2009
- 2008
- 2007
- 2006
- 2005
- 2004
- 2003
- 2002
- 2001
- 2000
- 1999
- 1998
- 1997
- 1996
- 1995
- 1994
- 1993
- 1992
- 1991
- 1990
- 1989
Character
Sunday March 16,
2008
Tags archaic sayings, bite the hand, cost of measuring, direct deposit, measuring incorrectly, rock carving, software development, web design, wise sayings
Transcript
The Boss: My management philosophy is 'measure' twice, cut once. Dilbert: That only makes sense in a narrow, and generally archaic, set of conditions. In software development, the item being cut, metaphorically speaking, is often plentiful and inexpensive. In many cases, the cost of measuring incorrectly is low compared to the time wasted doing two measurements before every action. Your philosophy is better suited for rock carving than web design. Do you have any wise sayings that involve churning your own butter, or putting saddles on dinosaurs?" The Boss: Don't bite the hand that feeds you. Dilbert: I have direct deposit."
Saturday March 15,
2008
Tags asked question, contempt, coworkers, forgot answer, game plyer, large group, paranoid, suspicious
Transcript
Tina: Dilbert asked me a question in front of the entire group that I already answered last week. What kind of game is he playing?" Alice: Maybe he forgot your answer. Tina: That's crazy talk."
Friday March 14,
2008
Tags jesus, downsized, return as consultant, save pensions, forgetful boss
Transcript
Pronounced Hay-Soos The Boss: Jesus, I thought you got down-sized. Jesus: I came back. Tell the others I was downsized so I could return as a consultant and save their pensions. The Boss: I should have written that down."
Thursday March 13,
2008
Tags jesus, ratted you out, finding out, undoing, miracle
Transcript
Pronounced Hay-Soos Wally: Did you find out who ratted you out, Jesus? FZEET! Wally: Maybe you have a way of finding out that sort of thing.
Wednesday March 12,
2008
Tags pronouned hay-soos, fixed eye sight, hair regrow, 40 shares, punch pilot light, ceo, team organizer
Transcript
Pronounced Hay-soos. Wally: The new team leader, Jesus, is gaining quite a following." He fixed my eyesight and made my hair regrow. I think he wants your job as CEO. For forty shares of stock, I could point him out at lunch. CEO: I'll punch his pilot light out!"
Tuesday March 11,
2008
Tags jesus, leader, team leader, in need, 12 people, upgrade systems, lunch meeting, bed feelings, savior, office
Transcript
It's pronounced Hay-soos. Jesus: My name is Jesus, and I seek twelve people to work on my project. I am the saver of databases. Join me to upgrade our systems. Jesus: First, we're all going to lunch. Asok: I have a bad feeling about this."
Monday March 10,
2008
Tags breakroom, coffee into wine, hay-soos, jesus, miracle, new employee, special powers, hair, bald
Transcript
Pronounced Hay-soos Wally: With a name like Jesus, I can't promise I won't mock you. Foop! Jesus: baldness be gone. Wally: I'm not lazy...and I can see! Jesus: Don't spill your wine."
Sunday March 09,
2008
Tags online budget approval, process making changes, classes, approval process, budget varience, broken system, charges, cubicle, billable project, exaggerating accomplishments
Transcript
Dilbert: Out online budget approval system isn't working. There's a process for making changes to the system, but I don't know it. I could take a class to learn the process, but there's also a process for approving classes. I could learn the process for approving classes, but I'd still need approval for a budget variance to take the class. And I can't get that because the online budget approval system is broken. I can't even have this conversation because it will make me charge too much of my engineering time to administrative overhead. So I'll go sit in my cubicle and pretend to be thinking about a billable project. It looks like I'll be exaggerating my accomplishments again this year.
Saturday March 08,
2008
Tags jesus, introduces, new employee, team leader, enjoy retirement, coffee stain
Transcript
The Boss: Wally, this is your new team leader. He spells his name like Jesus but it's pronounced Hay-Soos. If you do what Jesus would do, you can enjoy your retirement. Wally: I have a coffee stain that looks just like you. Jesus: I get that a lot."
Friday March 07,
2008
Tags renounced addcition, internet, giving advice, wifi booster, signal booster, technology
Transcript
Ratbert: You'd be happier if you renounced your addiction to the internet and lived for the moment. Dilbert: Are you referring to the moment when there's a rat on my bed giving me bad advice? RatBert: How about now?" Dilbert: Perfect. Don't chew on the wi-fi signal booster.


