2019 Comic Strips - Page 30

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Dilbert Quits To Get A Raise

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Dilbert Quits To Get A Raise - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags Dilbert, Wally, boss, conscience, rethink, quit, raise, going along, don't, ruin

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Dilbert: I can't in good conscience support inaccurate health claims about our products. I quit. Boss: I'll give you 20% raise if you stay. Wally: I quit too, because of all the ethnics and stuffs. Dilbert: Don't ruin this for me.

Press Release

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Press Release - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags Dilbert, boss, unethical, scientists, press, question, overkill

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Dilbert: The unethical scientist we hired to support our product claims started today. Boss: Write a press release that says whatever we want him to say and put his name on it. Dilbert: Should we show it to him? Boss: That feels like overkill.

Hiring Unethical Scientist

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Hiring Unethical Scientist - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags suspicious, boss, lawyer, help, search, straightforward, scientist, bidding, money

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Boss: We're looking for a scientist who can be easily influenced by money to back our product claims. Lawyer: I'm perfect for that job. I have no ethnical boundaries whatsoever. Boss: But you won't try to con us, right? Lawyer: You can't have it both ways.

Headphone Claims

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Headphone Claims - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags headphones, false, advertising, help, scientist, boss, Dilbert

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Dilbert: We're getting sued for claiming out headphones cure brain tumor and raise your IQ. Boss: We'll need to hire a scientist to back us on this. Dilbert: Where will we find a scientist willing to do that? Boss: Well, I wouldn't start with the rich ones.

Best In The Industry

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Best In The Industry - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags headphones, best, persuading, humor, confused, jokes

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Dilbert: The headphones we make are the best in the industry. Man: Our marketing campaign will focus on how they cure brain tumors and raise your IQ. Dilbert: They don't do any of that. Man: This is exactly why we don't let engineers do marketing.

Marketing Lies

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Marketing Lies - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags Dilbert, boss, headphones, competition, meeting, marketing, lies

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Dilbert: Our new headphones product is better than the competition in every way. Boss: Excellent. I'll get marketing involved to tell a bunch of lies about all of that. Dilbert: Why would they need to lie? Boss: They're kind of set in their ways.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags business ethics, engineering, government, idea, managers & supervisors, math, ocean, research, sarcasm, science, temperature, tests

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Boss: We won a government contract to measure ocean temperatures. Dilbert: Which part of the ocean? Boss: The whole ocean. Dilbert: We can't put sensors everywhere in the ocean. It's too big. Boss: We can measure a bunch of places and estimate the rest. Dilbert: So...you want me to measure 1% of the ocean's temperature and estimate the other 99%? I don't know how to do that. Boss: Try using math. Dilbert: Wouldn't it be cheaper to measure nothing and just estimate the whole thing? Boss: Every now and then you come up with a great idea.

Dilbert Feels Overwhelmed

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Dilbert Feels Overwhelmed - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags life, office, office workers, panic, overwhelmed

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Dilbert: I'm feeling overwhelmed by all the things I need to get done. Boss: Have you tried eliminating your personal life? Dilbert: That took care of itself. Boss: Okay, that's the only idea I had.

My Last Company

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My Last Company - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags criticism, employees, employment, office, office workers

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Man: That's not the way we did it at my last company. Dilbert: Now I hate you and I don't want to interact with you in any way in the future. Man: Okay, that sounds just like my last company.

Dogbert's Self Defense School

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Dogbert's Self Defense School - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags employees, enemies, murder, office workers, training, manipulation, defense

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Dogbert: Welcome to Dogbert's school of unconventional self-defense. I'm handing out a list of my personal enemies. Your homework is to kill them before sunrise. Voice: That isn't self-defense. Dogbert: Wow. All you can think about is you, you, you.