Ceo Comic Strips - Page 30

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627 Results for Ceo

View 291 - 300 results for CEO comic strips. Discover the best "Ceo" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags ironic, irony, statue crushed guard, too soon, word invention, iron sculpture, crushed security guard

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Dilbert: The iron sculpture in our lobby fell off its base and crushed a security guard. CEO: And that's where we get the word "ironic." Dilbert: It happened ten minutes ago. CEO: Oh, so it's "too soon?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags boss, cruelty, executives, joking, self deprecating joke, tasks, underling

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CEO: Hello, underling. Watch me do a self-deprecating joke to underscore my true power. Ho ho! I am not good at some types of unimportant tasks! Ha ha! That's why I'm glad I have people like you to do those things. Dilbert: Impressive.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags competition (psychology), inventions, space flight, elon musk, space hsips, electric cars, electric rocket, robots, colonize, planet, power cord

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CEO: I want to be more visionary than Elon Musk. All he does is build spaceships and electric cars. I want you to build me an electric rocket ship full of robots that can colonize other worlds. Which planet should we do first? Dilbert: Depends how long the power cord is.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags key to success, follow instinct, slap you, stop babbling, relax, good feelings, slap

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CEO: The key to success is to follow your instinct. Alice: My instinct tells me to slap you until you stop babbling nonsense. CEO: Please don't do that. Alice: Relax. I have a good feeling about it.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags cowardice, terrorists, international terrorist, cancel order, big hit earnings, decimate value, stock options, transfer, poor safety record

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Dilbert: I discovered that the customer for our fleet sale of commercial drones is an international terrorist. Now we have to cancel the order, take a big hit to earnings, and decimate the value of your stock options in the company. CEO: Or... I could transfer you to a department that has a poor safety record and hope for the best.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags conversation, executives, leadership, acceptable behavior, alight goals, company objectives, deal directly, conflict, maintain positive attitude, impressive

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CEO: Who's up for some leadership? Watch me define acceptable behavior, align your goals with company objectives, prioritize respect, deal directly with conflict, maintain a positive attitude, and pretend to care! Wally: That would be impressive. CEO: Settle down, Bilbo.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags business ethics, obliviousness, million units, customers happy, our goals, their goals, this quarter

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CEO: Our goal is to ship a million units this quarter. Dilbert: Do we have any goals that involve making customers happy? CEO: I'm talking about our goals, not their goals. Boss: Totally different.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags business people, managers & supervisors, holacarcy, underlings, abusing for years, boot on neck, resistance to changes, business

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CEO: I'm eliminating all management levels and making us a holacracy. Boss: Noooo!!! Please don't make me equal to the underlings I've been abusing for years! In my defense, I thought I would always have my boot on your neck. Dilbert: Shush.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags employees, optimism, flattened management structure, uptick in fork attacks, insider trading, benefits, stock portfolio up, sciatica better, business

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CEO: How's our new flattened management structure working out? Boss: I'm seeing an uptick in fork attacks and insider trading. CEO: Now tell me the benefits. Boss: My sciatica no longer hurts. And my stock portfolio is way up.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags bodily fluids, buggy, ceo reputation, competitors, death, medical, misleading ads, not selling, overriced, owls, pal costume, product failure, product name, super yacht, vaguely racist

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Boss: We need to figure out why our new product isn't selling well. Dilbert: It's buggy and overpriced. Wally: OUr competitors sell a far better product at half the price. Asok: Our ads are overtly misleading and vaguely racist. Alice: Our product name reminds people of bodily fluids and death. People hate us because our CEO has an endangered owl shooting range on his super yacht. Boss: Does anyone have an idea to fix all of that? Wally: Maybe. Do you own an owl costume?