Date At Door Comic Strips - Page 30

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View 291 - 300 results for date at door comic strips. Discover the best "Date At Door" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #loud guy section, #no loud guy, #date, #man screams, #stories, #noise, #restaurant, #customers, #hostess, #table nearby

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Would you like to be seated in the loud guy section or no loud guy? Menu "They both sound good. We'll try the loud guy section." "I hope he has good stories." "AND THEN!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #security software, #upgrade it, #hackers, #steal identity, #bank accounts, #destroy hard drive, #cjoices

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DilMom "Your security software is out of date..." "Uh-oh." "Would you like to spend the rest of your natural life trying to figure out how to upgrade it?" "Erk!" "Or would you prefer to let hackers steal your identity, drain your bank accounts and destroy your hard drive?" "I need more choices!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #dating, #trash, #unemployed, #self-esteem, #society

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Dilbert: Now that I'm unemployed, I don't feel like a valuable member of society. GarbageMan: Consider this bag of garbage. It too is unemployed and yet it is worthy of love. Dilbert: I don't love it. Man: That's too bad because no one else will date you now.

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You said I'd never find an online date because I'm unemployed. But you were wrong! "Have you seen her picture?" "Yes! She looks hot." "Do you have 'Photoshop' software?" "Maybe."

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I invented a search engine that's also a singles matching service. "It automatically matches singles who search for the same keywords." "And then it threatens to e-mail those keywords to their mothers if they don't agree to date." "I have taught you well."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #fake surveillance camera, #chepaer, #discourage thefts, #treat employees like criminals, #leave

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Dilbert walks by an open office door and hears, "Pssst!" Dilbert walks in and says, "Yes?" The Boss says, "Come in and shut the door." The Boss continues, "I bought a fake video surveillance camera." The Boss holds the Boss and says, "Install it in the break room tonight." The Boss continues, "It's cheaper than a real camera and it will discourage thefts." Dilbert says, "If you treat employees like criminals, they'll leave." The Boss says, "Good point. You'd better hide the fake camera so no one knows it's there." Dilbert puts the box in the trash and walks away whistling."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #dna, #feed her, #human genome, #human simulations, #invented, #mapped and decoded, #market application, #on computer watch, #punish her, #samples, #software, #software simulation, #engineering

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Asok points to his diagram as he explains to the group, "My software will create human simulations from DNA samples." The Boss asks Asok, "What's the market application?" Asok answers, "Well...there are many various applications." The Boss says to Asok, "Name one." Asok begins to explain, "Well...someday the entire human genome will be mapped and decoded." Asok continues, "You could take a hair sample from a woman who refuses to date you..." Asok continues to explain, "and create a software simulation of her to keep in your computer watch." Asok says, "You could have one button to feed her and one button to punish her." Wally replies, "I'd buy it." The Boss asks Asok, "Can you add a button?"

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You wrote last year's date on this report. Ha ha! Swift. "I enjoy pointing out your mistakes because it makes me feel better about myself." "I wrote this last year." "This will go faster if you say you didn't."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #inventions, #robot, #telepresence, #commute, #multitasking, #new technology, #rough patches, #meat bags

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Asok: Here comes Wally's telepresence robot. Robot: How was your commute, suckers?!!! Ha ha ha ha! I'm multitasking in ways that might surprise you! Dilbert: New technology always has rough patches. Robot: Open that door for me, meat bags!

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #corner, #cubilce, #door, #fantasy, #nutrients, #office, #replacement, #giant mushroom

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The Boss: Now that you're out of the loop, your new cubicle will be a giant mushroom. It's a pleasant environment except when the mushroom gets its nutrients. wally: Nutrients?