Installed Software Comic Strips - Page 30

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307 Results for Installed Software

View 291 - 300 results for installed software comic strips. Discover the best "Installed Software" comics from Dilbert.com.

Two Hour Summary

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Two Hour Summary - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #language, #jargon, #listening, #communication, #interpretation

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Boss: Thank you for that two-hour summary of your project. I didn't understand any of the jargon you used, but based on the context, I believe you are saying the software will be done soon. Alice: I didn't say anything about software. Boss: I guess neither of us did our best work today.

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Facial Recognition Software

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Facial Recognition Software - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #facial recognition, #stupid, #insult, #obliviousness, #prototype, #intelligence

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Dilbert: I'm designing a device that uses facial recognition to detect stupidity. I need your help creating the pattern-recognition algorithm. Boss: What do you need me to do? Dilbert: Look straight ahead and smile.

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #competition, #replacement, #hiring, #job description

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Boss: Wally, I need you to write up your job description for me. Wally: Is that because you're planning to hire someone to replace me? Boss: I need it by tomorrow. Wally: Job description: leverage platform technologies to maximize software architecture optimization via nanotubes. Here you go. Boss: Can you start on Monday? Man: I changed my mind.

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #criticism, #jargon, #misunderstanding, #genius, #obliviousness

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Boss: Your slide deck is okay-ish. But can you make it more aspirational? Dilbert: It's just a software upgrade. Boss: Yes, yes. But I want the audience to feel it. Dilbert: They can feel the handouts. Boss: It's like you're not even trying to understand! Genius is often misunderstood. Dilbert: Do you know what else is misunderstood? Boss: Super-genius?

We Need To Talk

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We Need To Talk - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #contradiction, #argument, #disagreement

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Boss: The software upgrade will be ready by Friday. Dilbert: Actually, that's when we will start writing it. Boss: And it will save us twenty million dollars. Dilbert: Actually, it will cost a million dollars and save nothing. Boss: We need to talk. Dilbert: We do? I'm not feeling that.

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #conversation, #assumption, #arguing, #logic, #argument

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Man: You said the software would be finished by today. Dilbert: I said it might be finished by today. Man: Why did you say it might be finished if you knew it wouldn't? Dilbert: I didn't know it wouldn't be finished. Man: Now you're flip-flopping all over the place. Dilbert: You're conflating your own false memories with my actions. Man: That's exactly what liars say. Dogbert: How was work? Dilbert: Totally normal. Unfortunately.

Bitter Losers

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Bitter Losers - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #boss, #idea, #lying, #managers & supervisors, #office workers, #Promotion

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Boss: I'm promoting Ted for coming up with a genius idea to reduce our software expenses. Dilbert: That was actually my idea. All Ted did was tell you it was his idea. Boss: How do you put up with these bitter losers? Ted: The promotion helps.

Fetching Coffee

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Fetching Coffee - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #elderly, #engineering, #men and women, #office workers

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Ned: They call me "Old Ned as if I haven't kept up with the times. But watch me tell you to fetch me some coffee from Starbucks just like the young folks do. Alice: I'm a senior software engineer. Ned: I'm not getting any less thirsty here.

Teaching Ai To Flirt

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Teaching Ai To Flirt - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #bank, #business, #office, #office workers, #robot

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dilbert talking to the boss. dilbert: i taught my a.i. software to flirt with humans. dilbert: by day three, i had fallen in love, and it drained my bank account to buy a robot body. robot: demand a raise you wimp! dilbert: help m

How Long Will It Take

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How Long Will It Take - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #computer software, #office, #office workers

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the boss: how long will it take to fix the bug? dilbert: that depends. how long will you stand behind me and interrupt me? the boss: how should i know? i can't see the future?